A/N okay, so my first attempt at a NG ff, not sure if I did the whole Jess/Nick storyline justice, but I gave it my best shot. Just a little drabble about what I think Jess could've been thinking about in those moments straight after Nick walks away after he kisses her. I hope I've captured her character... Let me know what could be done to improve please, it'd much appreciated :)
Disclaimer I own nothing you recognise
Speechless
Jess' POV
I'm speechless…well at least I would be if I had someone to be speechless to. Nick Miller just kissed me. Like really kissed me. It was like I'd never felt a real kiss before him, like I'd never known what a real kiss should feel like, y'know? My head is swimming with thoughts and feelings, all surrounding Nick and that kiss. That incredible kiss. It felt like we just fit together perfectly, like it was supposed to be the two of us all along. But then I remember that I have Sam, who is such a good guy. And then I remember that Sam isn't Nick, and I can't help thinking that Sam can't ever match up to Nick. I wonder if anyone ever will match up to Nick? Damn it, before that kiss everything was normal; I was happy with my cute boyfriend, my flatmates were all just my flatmates. So why, just moments after the kiss, am I so unsure of everything? And why did I feel everything around me change when he kissed me? Why did it feel like a good change, too? It felt safe and like home, which I don't think I ever really felt before we kissed. It was a real good feeling to have.
Maybe if I just stand here, that moment will just replay over and over, forever, but then I remember Sam. Oh God, Sam. I creep back in, watching him sleep, blissfully unaware that Nick's ruined any chance we had as a real couple. Jeez, Nick is so stupid, why didn't he think before kissing me? Eurgh, it's like he doesn't even care about how I feel, I was perfectly happy with my hot doctor boyfriend, but now all I'll be able to think about is how different everything he does is compared to Nick! Crap, Sam's stirring; he must be able to hear my thoughts!
"Hey, babe, where have you been?"
Crap, he's on to me.
"Oh, just to the toilet, Sam. Go back to sleep."
"Okay babe, night."
As I curl into him, I realise how nice it feels to have someone here, to be able to have a boyfriend hold me while I fall asleep, but as I close my eyes, I catch myself pretending it's Nick, and not for the first time, either.
Maybe that kiss hasn't changed my feelings at all, maybe it just confirmed them- that it's always been Nick.
