I eyed the woman next to me she was in her early to mid thirties with a lot on her mind, her eyes looked heavy in thought, she had known the world. I was just some naive teenage girl on the same long flight next to her. I was in first class which was odd for a lone teenager, but my dad was an engineer and he had cheated on my mom. I didn't mind using his money, I'm honest. I put my IPod in and began to read as the music floated and swirled lyrics drifting in and out of my mind. I read, but not without noticing the woman next to me. She looked so sad, yet torn at the same time. My mind raced as to why she looked so shattered-lost perhaps, no crushed she was internally torn and crushed looking-if one can look such a way. Probably love. I went back to reading my book and listening to Allanis Morrissette, only to have the lady in the isle across from us start to talk to the woman beside me.
"Dr. Brennen?" The woman next to me was sleeping or at least trying to.
"Yes Ms. Wick?"
"First class is amazing. I mean don't you think so? They have everything you could ever want here." I heard the woman sigh 'except peace' and I smiled a small smile.
"Yes Ms. Wick, you're welcome for the ticket I purchased for you."
"Oh you are so sweet Dr. Brennen." The woman next to me sighed started to turn toward me, but stopped. Abruptly rolling back into her own personal space. I assume she was use to traveling with someone whose personal space wasn't an issue. I drifted off when the chatty lady across the aisle known as Ms. Wick started to speak again…although I think the conversation could have been held on her own for the woman next to me only answered with 'hhmms' and 'yes' as she too tried to sleep. Two hours later I jumped at Ms. Wicks voice.
"Dr. Brennen are you writing a new book? Oh My Gosh this is sooo exciting! I'm right next to you while you write it!" I looked at the woman next to me. Her laptop out, she was staring intently at the screen.
"No Ms. Wick."
"Oh well that's too bad." The woman made a frown. "I think I'm going to take a nap now."
"Good idea Ms. Wick you will need to catch up on sleep for the time lapse."
"Of course Dr. Brennen, goodnight."
I let my eyes wander to the woman's laptop screen, eaves dropping with my eyes. She was indeed writing, I don't know if it was a book or not, but I started to read it 'She doesn't like to run, but she finds it's the easy way and she hates herself for it because it's a cowards way and she hates cowards. She has confronted them. She has run before, too many times too count and he waited for her to return. She will always return to him and he will always wait. It's the parting, the absence, the not knowing that drives him insane, hurts him, crushes his heart and with every take off another scar is left on her heart, on his heart. It's too complicated too terrifying to love for her. That's the sad truth.'
The woman glanced at me and stopped typing. I immediately looked away and busied myself with my IPod, she went back to typing. About five minutes later I began to read again where I had left off since her writing was better than my store bought book anyway.
'For her, love was too deep and dark of a word, too emotional and that she was not, though she had been told by him she had a big heart muscle, bigger than most give her credit for.'
"You're reading over my shoulder."
"I know."
"Well it's rude, you shouldn't."
"I probably won't get to finish it especially if babbling Brook wakes up." I motioned toward the woman she called Ms. Wick. "What's the harm?"
"It's personal."
"The woman in your story, she, is really you isn't she?"
"How can she be me, if I am of flesh and blood before you and she is a mere fictional character?" she said and I chuckled, she was serious.
"Dr….?" She stared at me blankly. "What is your name?"
"Dr. Temperance Brennen."
"What I was saying Dr. Brennen, is that the character is loosely based on you. Is she not?"
Dr. Brennen looked away from me.
"I won't read anymore." I had crossed a line and was going to be sitting next to this woman for a few more hours.
"Thank you."
"I wasn't finished, I won't read anymore if you answer one question." I enunciated if.
"Fine."
"Are you running? I mean right now."
"No-I'm flying." She answered as if I was dumb.
"Was that supposed to be funny?"
"No, was it?"
"If said to the right person, it was." She nodded her head as if saying she understood. "You never answered my question. So you are not only running, but flying away from this guy?"
"You know nothing about me."
She glared at me, blue eyes the color of an angry ocean, dark storms rolling in, my big brown pools held her stare calm and unaffected by her façade.
"I know your name is Dr. Temperance Brennen." And I looked away leaning against the window adjusting my IPod. I quickly glanced at Dr. Brennen and to my surprise she had closed the laptop and was laying her seat back. I heard something and looked at Dr. Brennen, she talked in her sleep, it gave me something to do and so I listened. She spoke of a Booth. At first I imagined she was at a diner, but she put a lot of emphasis on the Booth and mumbled the word many times. She mumbled other words too, simple words, such as no, they, I and me. I turned away resting my head against the glass when I heard her say the word 'stay'. I glanced at her as she stirred awake, she lay her hand on my arm rest getting her bearings. Her face was white. She looked at me, but I pretended not to notice her stare on me.
"Br. Brennen are you o.k.?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay", I was just about to let it be. "Who's Booth?"
She turned abruptly to me and stared, maybe tried to give me that same 'stay out' I had gotten too personal look, but all I saw was the pain in her eyes. "Is that word too deep and dark of a five letter word Dr. Brennen?"
She looked away then back at me, her eyes held the answer she could not say aloud. I nodded in acknowledgment. An hour or so had gone by and I kept to myself as did Dr. Brennen. Ms. Wick was reading a book I noticed the author was a Temperance Brennen, I guess she was an author after all. I took my eyes off 's book and leaned my head against the window.
"Excuse me." I was surprised Dr. Brennen spoke, I acknowledged her. "Why did you assume the character in the story was loosely based on me?" I smiled to myself.
"An author usually expresses the truest form of his or her self in their writings, be it through a fictional character or not."
"That is correct."
I smiled amused at her choice of words. "I know."
"You had to have a logical reason for assuming the character was loosely based on me, which she is not."
"Either you are lying or you don't understand how much your character and you are alike, so much so that even a stranger can see it. You are pouring yourself into this character this woman she is made up of all of the traits that you are too scared to show the world, but with the book you can show all of your emotion, tell all through her."
"You sound like a psychologist."
"I could see that since all I have done on this flight is observed you and slept."
"What have you learned in your observation?"
I sighed. "I thought I just told you?"
She looked at me odd as if she was thinking about what I had said. "No, you told me that you think the character I'm writing about is loosely based on myself and that I don't see it yet, a stranger can."
"You really want to know?"
"Of course why would I have asked if I didn't?" I sighed.
"I've observed a woman in her mid thirties named Dr. Temperance Brennen with worn eyes, eyes that have seen more than they should have at times, a woman who hides behind layers but underneath there is a tender heart muscle that a man once told her was much bigger than most give her credit for. A woman who I categorized first as sad then thought torn then in my mind I labeled you as crushed-shattered. As, if something really big impacted your life and stung you, but you couldn't cry, you still can't, only because you feel it's a weakness. Oh and you have brown hair and blue eyes. That is what I have observed."
Dr. Brennen just stared at me for a moment.
"Nothing stung me, I haven't been bit."
"It was a metaphor and you know that." I laid my seat back but before I lay down, I spoke. "Besides ever heard of the love bug?"
"They don't sting." I smiled at her factual answer and lay down.
"Every now and then they do Dr. Brennen." I said my eyes closed back toward her. Her mind was an odd one, I had left her wondering.
"Dr. Brennen I love your book so far! Well not that I won't like all of it but oh I'm just so in love with the character Kathy! She is just as smart as you but then again why wouldn't she be? I mean you did make her up, right. Kathy has a high intellect and wow what a love story Dr. Brennen I could never write like you."
"It's because you're not me Ms. Wick and I'm glad you like the book."
"You're welcome Dr. Brennen."
I awoke hearing Dr. Brennen typing madly on her laptop and of course I rolled over faking sleep then I opened my eyes to read the screen.
'She didn't believe in love she told herself, it didn't exist. Attraction was mere chemicals reacting only sexual tension. She swore she was content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk. Then, she met him and she told herself, yet again deep down love never lasts to keep it all distanced and comfortable, but, every time he was the only exception. She had run and he would wait, because he knew what she was just realizing. She was starting to believe to know it would be worth it. With him, she could believe.'
I smiled at what I read, then my expression changed, to that of guilt, as Dr. Brennen looked down at me and I looked up meeting her eyes. To my surprise she smiled back. Well I wouldn't call it a smile, but she didn't chide me for reading what she wrote.
"I'm glad you have an exception Dr. Brennen."
"Me too." I was amazed I thought for sure she would say 'I don't know what that means' or something along those lines.
"Dr. Brennen is Booth a person? I know it's none of my business, but you were whispering the word like it was a person's name as you slept."
"It isn't any of your business and yes Booth is a person."
"The exception?" She glared at me and didn't answer, just shot me one of those looks that told me I had crossed a line that I was becoming more nosey than I had been earlier and while I knew this, I liked to push. "Sorry."
"What's your name?"
"Astrid." I liked my name now, it was unique though, when I was younger the kids were ruthless with nicknames Ostrich or Ass-tred were the usual.
"Astrid you are nosey."
"Someone has to be otherwise, no one would make good doctor's or F.B.I agents etc." she looked as if she was thinking, assembling her thoughts but, also thinking of something or someone too.
"Your statement makes sense."
"I know."
Dr. Brennen smiled, a barely there smile, her lips just curled up at the edges and she looked as if she was thinking of the past.
"I usually don't talk to strangers on flights."
"I assumed you usually flew with someone you knew well."
"You should never assume, but why did you assume I flew with someone I knew well?"
"When you slept you would start to shift in my direction, but then caught yourself, noting my personal space and rolled over. I figured you flew with someone whose personal space wasn't an issue." She just stared at me.
"That means nothing, you still are assuming, observing yes, but you have no evidence to go off of which means you have nothing to support your theory which in essence..."
"You are rambling Dr. Brennen…in your own scientific way, but it's still rambling. I just want to know how the story ends Dr. Brennen, that's all. Does the character end up believing in love and let her exception in or does she stay lonely in her own world with a best friend whom she wants to be more, but keeps distant, comfortable?" She stared at me her eyes big like a child's as if grasping for words, but none came out. "You can believe, you can change from content to always happy. I believe you know nothing is easy but I believe from our conversations and your writings deep inside you think it's worth it to believe, to let him in- scary- but worth it."
"This is odd to have such an in depth conversation with not only a total stranger but a… what are you nineteen?"
"Seventeen." Dr. Brennen sighed.
"You remind me of my friends. You have dark, soft, shining eyes like one of them, are nosey and speak freely like another and act like a little psychologist as well."
I nodded. "What are your friend's names?"
"Why? You aren't going to meet them."
"Humor me Dr. Brennen."She looked away for a second as if contemplating telling me.
"Booth has dark eyes, Angela is my best friend and Sweets is the psychologist."
"Oh." I looked at her holding her gaze at the first name she had mentioned, I looked down to my hands quickly then back to her still not able to find the right words. So, my eyes looked like her exceptions, Booth's. "I wish I could meet them."
"Why? You don't know anything about them. What makes you think you would want to know them?" I thought only for a moment on the matter.
"Well combined you said they remind you of me, so I take that as a compliment. Secondly, Angela sounds nice, she speaks her mind that's a good trait, one you have as well Dr. Brennen and Sweets sounds funny. Booth, well he sounds hot and according to the character in your book he says kind things although, in no way is either character based on you or Booth in anyway, according to you."
"Booth is a kind, attractive man, Angela is nice and Sweets' humor is not amusing, although listening to his psychological rants are very educational and amusing."
"So do I amuse you?" She thought on the matter for a second pausing slightly.
She wasn't looking at me but going through paper work "Yes but there is something else I can't describe which, is rare, for I always know what I am talking about."
"But not always what you are feeling?" She turned sharply to meet my stare almost as quickly as when I asked whom Booth was. She wasn't happy with my innocently asked question.
She inhaled. "It's my turn Astrid."
"For what?"
"Someone once told me if you ask something personal and expect an answer you have to give up something personal yourself. What is your story Astrid?"
"I'm an only child I've never been one to participate in family activities except for holidays. My father is a wealthy engineer who cheated on my mom four years ago, two years later my mom died from a brain tumor. Which, is why you ended up sitting next to me in first class, my dad feels bad and lets me fly around the world. I'm staying in Indonesia for a bit to explore the culture and then I'm going to Australia to visit my cousins for the rest of the summer." She hadn't looked at me until I finished, then she looked up from whatever she was now doing with the laptop.
"Fair enough."
I thought back on my little re-cap of my life and leaned against the window looking out into the dark sky, my thoughts raced deep down. "What's your story? Since you say I assume it all, tell me the real thing." I never looked at her when I asked this, just stared out the window until I heard the typing stop. I turned slowly to meet her eyes. She just stared at me, eyes holding the story within, she had the scared child look on her face again. "Hey Dr. Brennen don't look so sad, you have an exceptional ending remember?"
"You have no proof of that."
"You said no matter how many times you ran, no matter how far you ran, he would wait and you would return to him."
"You are even nosier than Angela. I never was talking about myself; I was simply talking of the character Kathy in the story."
"Whatever you say Dr. Brennen."
"Thank you."
"It wasn't a compliment."
Dr. Brennen looked at me for a second, and then went back to writing. I stared out the window into the night, nowhere. I stuck my iPod back in the song The Only Exception was on by Paramore, I smiled at how fitting the song was to the woman next to me. It mirrored what she had written earlier. I turned my iPod up as loud as it would go 'When I was younger I saw my Daddy cry and curse at the wind, it broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it and my mama swore that she would never let herself forget and that was the day I swore I would never sing of love if it did not exist…but darling you are the only exception…' the lyrics I knew so well drifted through my head causing me too smile, a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
I was a bit like Temperance Brennen finding love in all the wrong places, having one best friend who you don't want to compromise your relationship with, because he is your best friend and it would hurt so bad, kill you to lose him. I understood, but I prodded anyway, living my life through what I imagined I would be a little bit like at her age and it made me sad. I wanted to fix her but I couldn't. I wanted to help but I was of none. I was just a naïve teenage girl who was nosey and good at noticing people's behavior.
"Dr. Brennen?" I noticed Ms. Wick speaking to Dr. Brennen but I paid them no mind as I stared out the window.
"Yes."
"Kathy seems so sad Dr. Brennen, sad that is except when she is with her partner Andy."
"I don't have an answer for you Ms. Wick."
"Oh, I was just stating a fact I wasn't asking a question."
I saw Dr. Brennen nod and start to type again. Ms. Wick had gone back to reading her short rant over with.
I took my ipod out of my ears and laid back my chair. "Dr. Brennen I think you have to find a way to accept your exception." She looked down at me acknowledging my existence. Then she sighed a small sigh but a sigh nonetheless.
"I tried; I can't because we work together…because he needs protection."
She surprised me by opening a conversation about a topic she wasn't comfortable speaking of, I masked my surprised expression as to not spook her back into the cage she seemed to lock all of her emotions in. I was whispering. "From what?" I asked curiously.
"Me." She whispered. I knew what she meant how she felt but didn't care to let her know this. She looked at me almost as if I held an answer, expected one from me, but she quickly looked down and went back to typing away. I frowned at her response it wasn't good enough, no Dr. Brennen was starting to believe this lady next to me deserved more, her eyes held so much hurt.
"Who protects him?"
"I don't understand."
"Who protects him from you? Who is there for him? He may be a man, but even men crumble and cry. Everyone needs someone Dr. Brennen." I saw her thinking, trying to form a logical sentence in her mind.
"Not everyone."
"Whatever Brennen." I closed my eyes purposely dropping the 'Doctor' in front of her name, to try and be more personable. "By the way you never answered my questions." She didn't acknowledge me this time, but just kept typing.
"I protect him by staying away from him." She never looked at me while she said this, but remained transfixed on the screen.
I opened my eyes, but didn't move, I was comfortable lying down curled up in my chair. "So, you can't hurt him? Wow, Brennen, you really love this guy don't you? You do know love is challenging right? When he is hurt you are there and vice versa." I wasn't looking at her but staring at the ceiling she was interesting to talk to but we were going in circles. Though, I promised not to give up on the lady next to me. Even, if that may have been a bad idea.
"But what if it is me that causes his hurt?" She surprised me by speaking in an octave higher and I rolled over to look at her. She truly wanted an answer she was desperately seeking one. I just stared at her for a little while thinking of what to say to Dr. Temperance Brennen this factual woman.
"You really don't know the answer to that question do you?"
"No, otherwise I wouldn't have asked."
"It's a lose lose or win win situation Brennen, you are hurting him by not answering him and you hurt him when you run as well."
"I don't know what win-win or lose-lose means."
"It means either way."
"Oh."
"I'm sure you answer in your own ways Brennen."
"How?"
"Think about it Brennen this guy, he likes you for who you are, you are more to him than facts, rational, logic and 'Doctor' Brennen. Am I correct in the assumption I should not have made?"
Her eyes narrowed a bit not because she was mad but she looked as if she was concentrating, her brow furrowed. "Yes, because he has a nickname for me and nicknames are a show of affection." I grinned at what she said, everything was right in front of her. "Why are you smiling?"
"No reason."
"Everything has a reason."
I mumbled under my breath. "If I could only figure out how to reason love."
"What did you say?"
"Everything is a word that is over used Brennen it's even too large for you." She seemed offended.
"I have a remarkably high IQ 177." said Brennan
"That's nice. I have brunette hair. What? I do. It's not dyed, I swear. My point is I believe you Brennen, but brains aren't everything."
"If you don't have a brain you will die."
"It was a metaphor as in intellect doesn't equate wisdom, well intellect doesn't equate to a lot of things."
"A lot of things and everything are similar."
I sighed. "Forget about that remember this if you have someone that won't give up on you, loves you, needs you, and will wait for you. Don't you think that person is the person you should be with?"
"He said that he couldn't wait that, he had to move on."
I sat up in my chair. "That's bullshit."
"He has had a girlfriend since we spoke about him moving on."
"He is still waiting on your invitation and when you answer him, she will be gone in the second it takes a heart muscle to beat. From what it sounds like you are telling me, she is already gone. " She looked toward the isle way almost nervously then she looked back to me.
"That woman seated across from us her name is Ms. Daisy Wick, she was going out with Sweets, but he isn't going to wait for her."
"That was different, besides its babbling Brooke we are talking about and that was young love. I can tell you and your exception are different and I don't even know you."
"This is all so complicated Astrid how do you know so much about relationships when you are so young? Have you had many?"
"Brennen you don't usually ask people your last question and no I haven't, it's just that, just that…never mind."
"You don't want to talk about it?"
"For a genius sometimes you ask very obvious questions."
"Sorry, and no question is dumb well-"
"According to whom you ask it to it is. If I asked you some medical question ,you would probably rattle off medical-"
"I'm not a medical Doctor I'm an Anthropologist."
"O.k well if I asked you what bone this was?" I pointed to my ankle. "You would be able to name it but if I asked you why your reflection mirrors my own so much? You would have no idea what I'm talking about."
"You mean we look similar, which we don't."
"See, you don't understand. It was a metaphor and I'm aware we don't look alike."
"Oh. What does it mean?"
"It means emotionally we are similar. We both compartmentalize and push things away, we see black and white but inside deep down when we are comfortable we dance, we feel, and we love."
"I don't think he wants a girlfriend."
"He does, just not her, he wants you."
"But I won't let him have me."
"You won't open up correct Dr. Brennen."
"I don't have the kind of open heart he does."
"Yes you do, just look at your writing. You just keep your heart hidden and locked up, you are scared to give him the key but-"
"What key? He has a key to my apartment."
"I meant to your heart."
"My heart doesn't need a key, to open a heart you use a medical instrument called a scalpel." I smiled. "What are you smiling about?"
"It was a metaphor."
"Oh."
"You know a key opens a door get it 'an open heart'." She chuckled and smiled a second.
"I understand."
"I think I need proof that I love him, that I will be good enough for him." Oh Geez. I lay back down in my chair sighed then sat up again. "Past actions indicate future actions, correct?"
"Yes I agree."
"How many times has this man waited for you?"
"He's had a girlfriend."
"You didn't like her did you? The girlfriend I mean. Were you jealous?"
"No, she was a nice woman attractive I think she suits him."
"No you don't. Don't lie or you'll go to hell."
"I don't believe in hell."
"Well then just tell the damn truth Brennen. I really don't give a damn except I'm bored and the flight is long and you are as amusing to me as I am to you."
"Fine, a little but not much."
"Not much because you know he really isn't hers he is yours? You have nothing to worry about." Something was on her mind her eyes lit up a bit but her expression remained the same.
"Yes." I thought I might faint at her confession instead I just nodded.
"And you are his." She looked down a barely there nod yes.
"I know this already but I don't know if I'm good enough for him? I need some sort of proof." Her voice was an octave higher again she used a searching seeking tone.
"Dr. Brennen how many times has he waited for you?" She looked to the aisle again away from me, she couldn't escape her eyes fell on Ms. Wick. Then she looked at me.
"Everytime."
"And past actions predict future ones."
"What are you saying?"
"That he will always wait for you, you are good enough."
"But by his standards not mine. I don't want to hurt him and it in a relationship many variables will change." I felt like telling her maybe she should lower her standards, argh this lady. I told myself I wasn't giving up on her and I wouldn't.
"What's on your mind Brennen?" She looked down confused and frustrated in her seat to the point someone would notice it on her face. She inhaled then exhaled slowly looking at me.
"I don't know Astrid it's all too much." I frowned.
"I wish you could have your friends here."
"Me too." I smiled a sad smile at her and looked out the window we were going to land soon. I saw Daisy awake and knew my time to speak was limited.
"Good luck with your exception and remember the proof is in the history and he is yours and you are his." That's it, that's all I could think to say.
"It was nice talking to you Astrid." And then she and Ms. Wick parted their own way as I went mine.
I had got into a fight with my Dad and went to Barnes and Noble to just get away, I was going to be eighteen in a month and I couldn't wait to leave my huge lonley house that most people loved. I walked into the bookstore and there on display was Dr. Temperance Brennen's new book 'An Exception to Every Bone.' I smiled at the title and walked over to it picked one up and flipped through the pages. I landed on a page she had written on the plane next to me. '…but every time he was the only exception. She had run and he would wait because he knew what she was just realizing she was starting to believe to know it would be worth it. With him she could believe.'
I smiled opening the book to see whom she dedicated it to, wondering if I would see Booth's name or any of her other friends. To my surprise all it said was 'To Accepting Exceptions' I took the book and sat down with it at a table smiling at words I basically said to Dr. Brennen on the flight. I had told her she needed to find a way to accept her exception. I remembered it distinctly; she said she couldn't because of work or something.
I stayed for an hour and just sat there reading, I looked at my phone as it vibrated once more but it wasn't my Dad just Wyatt the guy I was seeing, my Dad still hadn't called me, he had just figured I would return eventually. I wondered if he was right or wrong sometimes. I went back to reading about the character Kathy in 's story who recently had a new intern join her team at the Jeffersonian, the young woman's name was Astrid. The name made me smile, yet, when I read the description of Astrid I felt sad too.
'Astrid was a pretty, young woman with her brunette hair always pulled back. Her big brown eyes held intelligence, kindness, and curiosity. She had people skills and was sociable too. Yet, she too had her demons, though she hid them well, pushed them deep down compartmentalizing everything. She kept her distance in her own black and white lonely world but inside even deeper, she did dance, she felt, and she loved.'
I read a few lines between the main character Kathy and her best friend. They were discussing Astrid.
"Astrid reminds me a bit of you Kathy I think she fits in with the Land of The Misfits." Said Kathy's friend. Kathy hesitated, then agreed.
"Though, Astrid doesn't have as high of intelligence as I and Astrid is better with people." Kathy insisted."'
I smiled at what Dr. Brennen had written as Kathy's response. I looked at my cell as it vibrated it was Jake my best friend. I picked up the book, paid for it and went to go hang out with my best friend. Driving to Jake's, I smiled happy for Dr. Brennen, I didn't know Booth but I knew she had got her exceptional ending just like I told her she would, the proof was in the book's title this time and evidence was on every page.
