As I hold the lighter in my left hand, needle in the tight , I focuse on the flame that seems to mak an orb of light around the tip of the needle in wich the needle grows red. I take my thum off the part feeding the gas and look at the needle as I watch it of rom red to black in a matte4r of seconds. I slowly bring the needle to my arm and drag it across my left sholder. The cycle seems repetitive but I don't feel much of it untill I look at my arm and see what I have done. I through the needle and lighter im my bag containing all my pain killers and toucher wepons. i stare at my shoulder in the mear as tears slowly run down my cheek... my chin.. and to the floor next to some clothes on my floor. I then look down at the damach ain which has been done again but this promise has yet to be kept. I hurt myself because it may be the only pain I can control, or hope, I can. My heart aches from the sorrow in wich is has brang me and the ones I love I try but all the teasing , the fighting, the screaming, the hurt it has all gotten to me. I try so hard just to fail once again. No one can stop me, no one but him. He stoped me once, he can stope me twice, but he dosn't care anymore. His love, or at least I thought it was his love, was what saved me from myself. The way I love him will never go away unless someone else comes along and maby he'll love me back... maby. That would be a dream come true...