Author's Note: This is very angsty. If you don't like brooding Jazz, don't read. I'm all for happiness and comedy, but let's face it, a war that long and hard is going to take it's toll on even Jazz. May expand this, but I'm not sure yet. What do you think? Also, this can be a songfic, or not. It's up to you, I just love the song 'Broken' by Seether ft. Amy Lee, and thought it kinda fitted, at least some lines.
As usual, I don't own Transformers or the song 'Broken'. I'd love to take Jazz home, but he's too busy making movies :(
Broken
'There's so much left to learn…. And no one left to fight. I want to hold you up and steal my pain'
Jazz stared up at the clear night sky, the billions of stars and planets twinkling down at him. He could almost feel the Earth's crazy tilt-a-whirl spin, careening so very, very fast. Could almost touch those diamond stars, snuggled within their endless blanket of darkness. Spinning around, and around the universe, as though being chased by some dark entity Jazz couldn't see.
Sometimes, he would close his optics, and imagine himself as a star. Spinning, burning.
He was burning already, though nobody saw. His world always had spun to fast, with him barely holding on, so afraid that one day….. He would let go, loose control.
And his world would spin away without him.
It was for that reason he became a spy, a saboteur. He had needed to feel alive, feel the danger rushing around him, singing and caressing. He needed to feel that pin-point control, and at the same time, lose it all.
Sometimes, he just needed to feel.
Lately though, he just felt tired. Tired of a never-ending war, tired of life hidden in shadows. Tired of being ever alert, never able to completely trust anyone.
Tired of always being alone.
Jazz felt a surge of fury and desire, felt a sudden need to reach out and lose himself. He wanted a reason to come home, a reason to avoid death at all costs. He wanted to be able to come back, and know that no matter what, someone would always be waiting. He wanted to share life, and laughter, and love. He wanted his world to slow down, just for a few seconds, just long enough to know where he belonged, forever.
Slowly, Jazz reached a clawed hand out to the banner above him, his optics never leaving the beautiful skies, tracing one finger across the constellation that held his home in a bright embrace. An embrace lost on his once beautiful, flourishing home.
Now dead, lost to the fires of needless war. Broken. Like him.
'Cause I'm broken…. When I'm lonesome'
