Summary: Someone is dying and thinks how it will be after his death.
Spoilers: Some.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It all belongs to Joss and all those other guys.
Rating: Pg.

Last eternal thoughts


by: LittleTeaLeaf


I can hear their cries and begging.
They want him to change me, they want him to make me what he is, a murderess beast who lives for the kill.
They don't know what they are asking of him they don't know that I will never be me again after I'm changed.
I will lose my soul and the only thing left of who I was will be my body. My body will walk around killing innocent people, playing with them like they where puppies and feeding of them like they where cows.
They will believe that they have saved my life but I will feel like they've killed me.
They beg even more when he says that he can't do it. I pray in my mind that I either die before he changes his mind or that he doesn't do it. I know that he will give in, even with the soul and all he will change me.
It's only a matter of time.
They will get the spell to get me my soul back, but by then I will have killed. I will be haunted for the rest of my un-life until I'm begging them to kill me. But they won't do it. They will ask me to talk about it, to get it out of my system. I will make them try to understand that the person, the vampire I have become isn't me. They won't understand.
They will never understand.
I can feel a hand on my neck. What it's doing there I don't know, maybe it's checking my pulse or maybe the person owning the hand only want to comfort me. The hand is cold, it's him.
He has decided.
I can feel some pressure on my neck. It's nothing like the time that demon tried to strangle me, it's different. I can't even start to describe it.
I'm about to become one of the un-dead, and the only thing I am thinking about is that I'll never learn to play the guitar. Never again will I steal my uncle's favorite guitar to practice. Maybe I'll kill him and get the guitar. After all I'm going to live for a very long time, and I'll need a hobby.
Then again maybe not.
The pressure leaves my neck. Has he changed his mind?
It want take long now in a few minutes, maybe less, I will be dead. Either dead dead or alive dead, it depends.
On him.
I'm getting cold. I wish it would be warmer but it doesn't seem to happen anytime soon. If he turns me I'll always be cold, very cold. Will I feel it? Like I feel it now, or will I just walk around feeling normal?
Will I ever find this out?
I can feel something on my neck. This time I can't feel if it's cold or if it's warm, I'm to cold to know. Please let it be Willow's hand, please let it be anybody's hand. Even the demons that did this.
Just not the fangs.

The end