Gone Viral
A.N.: I don't own, I wish I did, I'd give Loki lots of hugs and get the god some much needed therapy. This is a sort of sequel to 'Girls gone Mild'.
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Loki slid into a booth at the diner, looked out the window and sighed in boredom. When the waitress came, he ordered his usual pie and coffee. He hadn't noticed the group of three young women sitting at the booth behind him.
"OMG. It's him, the guy on the leather sofa."
"No way."
OMG girl grabbed her iPad. "Look. I'm telling you. See?"
"You're right. What do we do?"
"We go over and say hello. What else?"
"We could wait 'till he leaves and follow him."
"Stalker much?"
OMG girl passed around her iPad. "Look at him. Look at that cock. You can sit here if you want. I'm gonna go over and say hello."
"I've seen the blogs and reblogs of those pics on Tumblr. I say we go for it. And get pictures."
Blissfully unaware of the estrogen fueled doom in the booth behind him, Loki put eight spoonfuls of sugar in his coffee, added cream and took a bite of his apple pie. He was savoring it when the first girl slid into the booth and sat next to him. "Pardon?" He knew it was rude to speak with his mouth full, but he was a bit startled. He took a sip of his coffee and swallowed his pie. The girl giggled.
"Hello."
"Hello?" Loki answered.
Another girl slid in across from him, and then one next to her. They added their giggles to those of the first girl. What in the name of Heimdall's nine mothers was going on here?
"You're gorgeous." said the girl across from him.
"Yes, I am aware of that, but thank you." More giggles. The girl next to him snuggled closer and put her arm around him. Loki tensed. While he'd grudgingly admit that the attention, even from these lowly creatures, was flattering, he was not pleased to be touched in such a familiar way. He could make a scene, he supposed. But if he did, he was certain Thor would haul his ass back to Asgard. His father would bellow at him, he'd be back on restriction and he'd find himself spending his days playing cards with his mother and her attendants again. He needed to remain calm. The girl directly across from him took several pictures with her cell phone. Then she switched out with the other girls.
Then, it happened. Last girl. "I just have to know if the pictures on the 'net are real." she said as her arm drifted off his shoulder, down to his right thigh and...Loki's eyes went wide as the girl grabbed his crotch and ...by Odin's beard...she squeezed. He did the only thing he could do - he teleported the hell out of there. Later he would insist that no he did not scream like a little girl, despite what those crazy ass bitches blogged on Tumblr.
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Bruce was eating a bowl of Chunkey Monkey and watching 'An Inconvenient Truth' when Loki popped in. The God of Mischief didn't say anything, he just headed for the bar and poured himself a generous glass of scotch. He downed it, grimacing at the taste, poured another, downed it and poured a third.
"Hi Loki." Bruce said as Natasha walked in. Bruce motioned towards Loki and shrugged his shoulders, in a 'what the hell is wrong with Thor's crazy little brother this time' sort of way.
Third more than generous scotch in hand, Loki leaned back against the bar. He took a deep breath, started to speak, paused, took another sip of his scotch, then addressed them. "I was just groped at the diner on 9th Avenue by a young human female, after grudgingly allowing her and her two friends to take photos with me. She said something about pictures on the internet. I assume they are pictures of me."
"Bóže moj." Natasha said as she sat down next to Bruce.
Loki narrowed his eyes at her. "You know something, do you not, Agent Romanoff."
Natasha nodded. "Bruce, you might wish to remove yourself from this area. Now would be a good time to go play in the lab." Bruce gave her a quizzical look "Things are about to get a little tense. We don't need the Big Guy showing up right now. I will be fine."
While Bruce reluctantly and slowly exited, Natasha used the time to get her notebook. She sat down on the sofa and called up Jane Foster's Facebook page. "This is what the girls were talking about.. Apparently these pictures have gone viral."
Loki walked over to have a look. There were pictures of him sleeping naked on a sofa, then stretching naked on a sofa, sprawled out wantonly in all his glory. "What? Where? When?" His eyes went wide then narrowed to mere slits as he made the connection. "Stark's Malibu place. Your girl's weekend. Why?" He didn't give Natasha a chance to answer before picking her up by the throat. He gave a wistful look towards the windows, sighed, then threw Natasha across the room.
Natasha recovered quickly and moved away from the wall, rubbing her throat, as the enraged Norse God came towards her. "Why? You've seen youself naked. Why do you think? I thought you were intelligent."
Loki scrunched his brows. "Oh." He stopped walking towards Natasha. "I see. These were posted on Jane Foster's Facebook page. Did she take the photos as well?"
"Yes." *Sorry Jane, but you're not the one alone in a room with Thor's disturbed and enraged younger brother*
"Then my objection is with her, and I will depart."
After Loki disappeared, Natasha walked over to the bar and made a Vodka Collins. She was sipping it when Tony Stark walked in. He stopped and looked at the images on Natasha's notebook.
"Is that Loki naked on my $5,000 dollar leather sofa? Son of a bitch."
Natasha started to laugh.
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Thor and Jane were seated at her kitchen table and Thor was looking at the veggie burger set in front of him with a rather sad expression. Jane was back on her vegetarian kick and Thor had been secretly sneaking out to the local McDonald's for quarter pounders to keep himself properly fed.
There was a pop, a flash of green light, and then a dangerously pissed off God of Mischief made his appearance.
"Brother!" Thor boomed. "This is an unexpected pleasure."
"I am not here for pleasure, Thor, but vengeance." Loki glared at Jane Foster. "Your human pet has wronged me sorely." Jane exchanged confused looks with Thor. "I am, of course, referring to the photos of me you posted on your Facebook page, without my knowledge or permission."
"Oh." Jane blushed. "Yeah. They'e kind of gone viral. Sorry about that." She looked around to see if Mjölnir was close by, trying to be casual about it.
"You're sorry?" Loki's voice rose. "I was groped by a young woman in my favorite diner because of those photos. She grabbed my crotch. And you're sorry?"
"Jane?" Thor asked. "Is my brother's accusation true?"
"Maybe?" Tendrils of green magic began to swirl around Loki. "Dammit. Yes. I posted the pictures on my Facebook page. But only there. People started sharing them, I guess."
Thor nodded. "Show me these pictures on your Book of Faces." Thor gave Loki a look that said 'Calm yourself brother or it's hammer time'.
Jane came back with her laptop and opened up her Facebook page. Thor looked at the pictures of Loki on the sofa. "I cannot see why there is a problem, brother. These are good pictures."
Loki rubbed his temples. "I am spread out on my back NAKED, Thor."
Thor shrugged. "I have never known you to be ashamed of your body. You were oftimes wont to go naked on Asgard. Remember the time you showed up naked at the feast for the emissary from Álfheimr?"
Loki smiled. "Mother had insisted I wear those horribly scratchy formal garments. But I was a child then, Thor."
"You had just gone through puberty as I remember. It caused quite the scandal." Thor chuckled. "Mother and Father also had to deal with more than a few requests for an arranged marriage, to take place when you came of age. I was quite jealous."
"Yes. Well. As much as I cherish these childhood reminisces, this does nothing to solve my problem. You will remove these photos, Jane Foster."
Jane nodded. "I'll remove them, but it won't solve your problem. They've gone viral. They're shared on other Facebook pages, Tumblr, Twitter, Pinterest, you name it. There's even a few videos on YouTube. Usually to something like 'Sexy Thing' by Hot Chocolate."
"I see." Loki moved his arms, green tendrils of magic coiled about them. He made a few hand gestures, spoke a few words and then he vanished, leaving Jane covered in fine soft green feathers.
'"Thor!"
Thor shrugged. "It is unwise to anger my brother, Jane. If the feathers do not disappear within a week or two, I will seek Loki out and have him remove them."
"A week or two?" Jane couldn't believe it.
"Aye."
"What am I supposed to do? Wear a burqa?" Jane's voice had taken on a fine edge of hysteria.
"I do not know what that is, but if it will cover the feathers, then my answer is yes."
"You're sleeping on the sofa until I moult, understand?" Jane practically hissed.
Thor frowned. "It is unfair to punish me because your actions angered my brother and he took revenge. You have suffered no real harm."
"Yeah, sometimes life sucks like that." Jane went to look for something that would hide most of the feathers, and to call Darcy. Maybe she could get a burqa somewhere.
Thor took a final look at his half eaten veggie burger, then decided to head to Mickey D's.
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Two weeks later, a still feathered and furious Jane sent Thor off to find his brother. Loki, it turned out, had quite forgotten about Jane's predicament, much to Thor's annoyance. Thor was tired of that damned sofa. Loki graciously removed his spell from Jane, but it was several days before Thor was allowed back into the bed, only to find it had the warmth of Jötunheimr. Jane, he found, his sweet Jane, could hold a grudge. Eventually, she forgave him. Eventually.
