AN. This is a tiny, silly thing I wrote a few weeks before series 2 started, which I never got around to uploading. You know, before series 2, back when everything was happy. I had fun writing it. I will never be able to write comedy, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. :)
"John. Question. Why is there an extra payment of two hundred and fifty pounds in your bank account? I know exactly how many hours you've worked this month and how much they pay you. It doesn't add up."
"Sherlock. Question. Why are you opening my post? Specifically, my bank statement?"
"I know your PIN and your security numbers anyway, so it makes no difference. You're not accepting money from Mycroft, are you?"
"You know my PIN number...? How...?"
"Focus. And don't be tautological. We agreed we'd split any money you got out of my brother, yes?"
"Look, Sherlock, I don't have to account for every penny I own, not to you, anyway! Is a little privacy too much to ask for?"
"I'm just interested. It's a little routine of mine. I deduce everything on your statement and then casually introduce things into conversation to see if I was right. I've never been wrong yet. But this one makes no sense. Come on."
"I'm not going to tell you, if only for the principle of the thing. You shouldn't be so nosy."
"I can't help it. I just have to know things."
"Well, this can be a refreshing change."
"Remind me why we're watching this. It's ridiculous."
"Because, one, it's funny, and two, it drowns out the sound of you complaining."
"I wouldn't be complaining if I wasn't being forced to watch this crappest of crap telly. Oh, come on, that's set up. No-one stands that close to a lake and expects to..."
"You were complaining about the absence of a case. You'd been doing so for many hours."
"Ha! How undignified. See, that's why people should never dance at weddings. Or anywhere, really."
"Mmmm."
"Oh! John, look, that's Lestrade!"
"So it is."
"What's he doing on...what's this called?"
"'You've Been Framed'."
"That's the one. What's he doing, I...oh, look, there's me!"
"Yep. Aaaand...over you go!"
"Oh, god! John, why did...what...I don't even remember that happening!"
"Perhaps you deleted it."
"I'm not surprised! How humiliating! No! Don't replay it in slow motion! I..."
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"John."
"Yes, Sherlock?"
"I've deduced what happened here."
"I thought you might."
"John."
"Yes?"
"I hate you."
"No, you don't."
"I do a bit."
"If it's any consolation, I don't think many people at Scotland Yard watch You've Been Framed."
"I have seven texts already."
"Oh. My mistake."
