Disclaimer: Okay, okay, confession time. Nothing belongs to me. Everything belongs to Dick Wolf. You know it.
In this story, Olivia and Alex are nine years old, so obvious AU. I took a bit of poetic license, because Philadelphia and Florida happened, but there may be a few continuity errors. Enjoy!
Olivia had never known her father. All her life, she'd felt there was a gaping hold where he should have been. But he wasn't and she had to accept that.
When she was younger, she'd pretended many things about her father. Some days he was a king a prince of some exotic country, and she imagined that one day he would come and whisk her away from the hell that was her life. Other days, he was a famous actor or musician and he travelled the world, performing. Someday, she would travel with him. And some days, he was just a normal guy, but one who loved her very, very much. She would be his princess, his baby girl, and he would carry her on his shoulders and show her off, boasting with a paternal air of pride, "This is my Olivia." My Olivia. She'd never been anyone's Olivia in her life, and she tried to imagine how it would feel.
But she was nine now, too old for such childish fancies. Her ninth birthday present had been the truth about her father, in the form of a bottle hurled again against the living room wall and a slurred voice screeching, "You're just like your father!" to which Olivia had replied, "Good! I'd rather be like him than like you!"
She should have known better. Her mother had backhanded her across the face, then grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard. "He raped me, you ungrateful little brat. Do you know what that means?"
Olivia did, but she couldn't believe it of the man who she'd held on a pedestal for as long as she could remember. She had stubbornly shaken her head. "You're lying. My daddy would never do that!"
That had earned her another smack and her mother had sneered. "That man is a monster. I should leave you in a room for a couple hours, see how you feel after that." And then she had turned and stalked away, albeit unsteadily.
Olivia had stood there for a moment, stunned. Her mother's harsh words had hurt more than the slap.
Today, she kept her head down as she left her house, gently closing the door behind her. She shivered in the cool autumn air as a gust of wind ruffled her hair, but she didn't have a jacket, so she hastened her pace. She hurried the two streets over to her best – her only – friend's house.
Alex answered the door on the first knock. She greeted her friend with a smile, then knitted her brows. "It's cold out there. Where's your coat?" Olivia shrugged and Alex sighed, beckoning her inside. "Here. Use one of mine."
Olivia was uncomfortable with that and she shook her head. "I'm okay." She didn't want to accept charity, especially from Alex.
"Take it," said Alex dismissively. "I've got lots of coats anyway."
Olivia looked at the ground, but she obediently took the jacket. It was warm and it looked new, and it was probably the nicest thing she'd ever worn. But she didn't want to tell Alex that. Alex's family had money, more money than Olivia could even dream of, and she knew that Alex wouldn't understand.
Alex pulled on a pair of brown flats. "Just a minute," she said to Olivia. "I need to grab my lunch."
As if on cue, Olivia's stomach growled, and Alex shot her a look of concern before disappearing into the kitchen. She returned a moment later with her lunch bag and a banana. She handed the banana to Olivia, who ate it even though she really thought she shouldn't, but she was hungry and her stomach was throbbing.
"Bye, girls," called Mr. Cabot from the other room. "Have a good day at school."
Olivia felt a familiar pang of sadness at his words. Everything she knew about families, she'd learned from Alex's parents. She and Alex were as close as sisters and the Cabots treated her like a second daughter. They gave her presents for Christmas and let her stay at their house whenever her own got too much to bear. They took her to the dentist and helped her with her math homework when she didn't understand. Mrs. Cabot took her shopping with Alex and bought her whatever she wanted, even though she never asked for much. It was almost as good as a family of her own. Almost.
"Bye, Daddy!" Alex called back, then turned to Olivia. "Let's go."
Olivia pulled the coat tightly around her and followed Alex out of the house.
"Are you ready for the science test?" asked Alex as they started on their way to school.
Olivia shrugged. "Not really."
"Did you study?"
Olivia shook her head. "Did you?"
Alex rolled her eyes. "Of course."
"Yeah, you're going to ace it. Like you always do."
Alex was trying unsuccessfully not to look too proud of herself. She always aced every test, while Olivia's grades flip flopped all over the place. Some days she got perfect on her tests and some days she failed. Her teacher was perplexed and attributed it to not trying hard enough, and she was always on Olivia's back about studying harder. Olivia ignored the nagging when she could, and with Alex (who was every teacher's pet) on her side, it wasn't too bad.
They reached the school and went inside, taking their seats in their fourth grade classroom. They sat beside each other, at the front of the room, because Alex couldn't see the board from the back and sometimes didn't wear her glasses. Alex took out her history textbook and started to copy the notes on the board. She looked expectantly at Olivia. "Aren't you going to take the notes? I'll lend you a piece of paper."
Olivia shrugged. "Photocopy yours for me."
Alex lightly punched her shoulder. "So demanding."
Olivia whimpered when Alex's hand came into contact with a bruise on her arm and Alex looked at her in concern.
"Are you okay?"
Olivia nodded. She didn't really want to have this discussion with Alex right now. Alex knew a bit about her mother – she knew that Serena Benson was an alcoholic and she knew that sometimes she hit Olivia – but she didn't know the full extent of it. And Olivia wasn't about to tell her. "I'm fine," she said quickly, but not very convincingly.
Alex stared at her for another moment, then obediently dropped the subject. "I'll photocopy them tonight," she said gently.
Sometimes Olivia wondered if maybe Alex knew more about her home life than she let on, but she was just glad that her friend hadn't pushed her to talk about something she didn't want to discuss.
She leaned back in her seat, wincing when her battered back came into contact with the hard wood of the chair, and waited for the bell to ring.
Her teacher, Mrs. Blake, came into the room a moment later. She gave Alex a smile. "Good morning, Alex." Then she turned to Olivia, the smile becoming a little bit more forced. Olivia couldn't tell if it was because of the fresh bruise on her cheek or because of her. "Good morning, Olivia."
Alex smiled back, but Olivia just stared, stony-faced.
Her teacher knelt down beside Olivia. "Copy down the note, please, Olivia."
Olivia didn't look at her but past her. She was looking right into Mrs. Blake's eyes, but she wasn't seeing her teacher. She was seeing an expanse of black, endless space that was beyond her and this classroom. It helped her keep things in perspective, reminded her how small she really was – how small her problems were. As big as they might seem to her, it was all relative to the bigger picture. What was another nine-year-old wearing a sweatshirt in the sweltering heat of mid-July, trying futilely to cover up layers of bruises? What did it mean to the world? What did her happiness mean to the world? What did it matter?
It didn't, and she could take whatever her mother doled out when she thought of it that way. As long as she could function relatively well, it was okay.
"Olivia," said her teacher sharply. "Did you hear what I said?"
Olivia snapped to attention, glaring at Mrs. Blake. "I heard. I just chose to ignore it."
"Well, please do as I asked."
Olivia glanced at Alex, then back at her teacher. "I respectfully decline."
Mrs. Blake sighed and seemed to give up the fight. She turned and walked back to her desk.
Alex looked at Olivia. "You know, I really wish you wouldn't."
"Wouldn't what?"
"Talk back to teachers."
Olivia sighed, then met Alex's eyes. "Yes, I do." Alex didn't understand. When she put on a nonchalant, smart aleck exterior, she was okay. When she had on that mask, she was safe.
So did you like this chapter? Review if you want the next one!
