Chapter 1"The hottest love has the coldest end" – Socrates.

I hesitated at the door, unsure of what I was going to say. Who really ever knew what to say in these situations, I always felt awkward, I would just sit there quietly without saying a word. I would nod when I had to, look sympathetic when necessary, and occasionally talk, a few consoling words when it was needed. But other than that I just didn't know what do. What should I say?

'I'm sorry Voldemort just killed the person you were closest to, do you want to go get some ice cream?'

Somehow I didn't really think that was going to work.

I stood outside the room he was staying in in the Leaky Cauldron, staring at the big wooden door playing the past fortnight's events over and over in my mind.

It had been just two weeks ago that we stood with each other in the Department of Mysteries against Voldemort's Death Eaters. I felt for sure that they were going to kill every single one of us. I went to that battle, stood alongside my friends, ready to die with them just as they were doing for me, just we were all doing for each other. I couldn't believe we made it out of there alive. All of us except...Sirius. How could I face Harry now, how could I talk to him, how could I explain?

We'd fought together until the end, we'd saved the prophecy from being heard by Voldemort. Harry had explained to us afterwards the prophecy that Dumbledore had shown him after the battle, how Dumbledore had told him that Harry would eventually have to kill Voldemort. Or he would have to be killed by Voldemort.

None of us could get over that last part. Since school had finished Harry had locked himself away in a room in the Leaky Cauldron, not speaking to anyone. He had been home to his aunt and uncle's to collect some things and then come here. We all guessed that he went back to his aunt and uncles occasionally so that they wouldn't think he wasn't there. From what we knew his presence went unnoticed by the Dursleys which meant he would be able to risk hiding away for a short while before making an appearance for a day or two and then coming back again. We tried to contact him, but with no luck. We needed to know that he was okay, that he wasn't going to do anything stupid. Some members of the Order of the Phoenix had finally tracked him down here. It didn't really take too much though, Remus had bumped into him there yesterday, and naturally he reported back to Dumbledore, who in turn let everyone else know that Harry was okay.

So here I was. I stood outside the door of his room, hoping that he was still there after bumping into Remus. I took a deep breath and lifted my hand to knock lightly on the door. I waited, I could hear someone moving about in the room but no one came to answer the door. I tried again.

'For Merlin's sake hang on!' It was Harry's voice. I breathed a sigh of relief, so he hadn't run away again yet. Two long seconds went by before Harry opened the door. He looked surprised to see me, and upset.

'Amellina...'

'I had to make sure you were okay Harry, please don't...' I put my foot in the way of the door to stop him closing it on me. 'Harry, no one has heard from you in two weeks, what's going on?' He said nothing. He just opened the door and walked back into the room. I hesitated, wondering whether I should follow him in or anything.

'Are you just going to stand there?'

'Oh, sorry... yeah.' I walked in and closed the door behind me. Harry was sat on a windowsill at the back of the room that looked out across Diagon Alley.

'I'm...' I still didn't know what to say about Sirius. I thought maybe just a simple apology would work. 'I'm uh sorry about Sirius, it must be hard I know.' He didn't look up, just sat at the windowsill.

'How would you know? How would you be able to know a fraction of what I feel?' Harry said. It didn't sound angry, or sad, it sounded blank and numb. That scared me even more. I stood in the middle of the room, shocked and unable to think what to do.

'You'd be surprised.' I answered quietly.

'What?'

'Nothing. It's a stupid question I know but how have you been? We're all worried sick. You just left us, like you hated us or something.'

'I've been better.' Harry seemed to be more open to talking at the moment. Maybe that was all he needed, to talk. With a sigh he continued. 'I don't hate you.' His voice choked a little ' miss him so much. I've just felt so numb ever since I lost him. He was the only family I had left, and the only family I ever really knew. I still can't believe it.'

'No one can. We all expect him to show up any minute laughing the way he used to, smiling and joking around even in the darkest of times.' I was fighting back tears at this point. No one knew anything, least of all Harry, and I couldn't let anything slip now. This was about him not me.

'Wow. Sirius had a bigger impact on people that I thought.' I could see Harry was fighting back tears now too.

Looking more closely at him he looked a mess. I could tell he hadn't slept in days, his usually tousled jet black hair was even messier, his bright green eyes had a dulled shine and puffy, black bags hung beneath them. His face looked thinner, his bones more pronounced as if he hadn't eaten for months. His clothes looked dirty, there was a tear on the arm of his shirt too. He obviously wasn't looking after himself.

I frowned, it was hard to see my best friend in such a way but I had no idea how I could help. It was bad enough trying to get myself through this, without looking out for everyone else too.

'He was... special.' I offered, hoping I wouldn't give anything away.

'Yeah... I miss him so much.' A small tear escaped from his eye, but he wiped it away fiercely, hoping that I wouldn't see I guess. He looked out of the window down into Diagon Alley. 'Look at them all. Just getting on with life. I envy them. I want to be them. Just wandering care free. They haven't lost everything. And they don't have to worry that their days are numbered.'

'Harry, we will help you. You're not going to die. He is. If only one of you can survive then it's going to be you.' Harry turned away from the window to look up at me. I could see he really wanted to believe me. I really wanted to believe me too. But we both had doubts, though neither of us voiced these doubts.

'Am... I...' He stumbled over his words, carefully trying to pick the right ones to say. 'Thank you.' His smile seemed almost genuine. I noticed a small black box on the windowsill too.

'Hey, what's in there?' I asked as I sat on the other end of the windowsill.

'Some of Sirius' stuff, it's not much. Mainly letters and small possessions, I haven't really looked through them. I'm trying to work up the courage.'

'Well, how about we both look now, I'll act as moral support.' I offered, smiling at him. He half smiled back and looked back down at the box.

'I guess I could use the moral support.' He heaved a deep breath then said 'come on then Am, let's do this.' And for the first time since the Department of Mysteries, Harry laughed. It was only a slight chuckle, but it was something.

When Harry opened the box I realised it had been an understatement when he'd said it wasn't much. The box was full to the brim with old pictures, letters and little trinkets. All memories I guessed. Harry pulled out the stack of pictures and we began to look through them.

'He's showed me this picture before.' Harry murmured. 'Before we got on the train at the start of last year. It's a picture of the original Order of the Phoenix. Most of the members are in this new Order too. Look' he pointed to a couple who I recognised immediately. 'There are my parents. And Sirius.' A lump formed in my throat as I saw Sirius smiling back at us and laughing. I looked at all the other familiar faces smiling up at us from the photo, as well as the ones I didn't recognise. It suddenly hit me how many other people had lost their lives for the same cause as Sirius. Was it really worth it?

Harry pulled out the next picture. It was one of his parents, as well Sirius. They all looked so happy and peaceful. There were a few others of the three of them, some others with Remus in them too, but none with Peter. I remembered the fourth Marauder, Wormtail, from our third year. It was then that I had first met Sirius too, well technically. But Peter had been their other friend. Until he had betrayed Harry's parents to Voldemort. There were no pictures of him at all in the box. I guess because Peter had framed Sirius, who in turn had spent twelve years in Azkaban, the wizard prison, because of it.

'Here' Harry said handing me one of Remus and Sirius. 'It's obvious he was important to you as well. You can have this one.' I stared at the photo in my hand. Both men looked so happy, but it was Sirius eyes I was drawn to. It was like, even through a photo, he could see right through me. His startling grey eyes boring a hole in my mind, seeing everything in there.

'Thanks... so much Harry.' Harry was looking at a letter at the bottom of the box. 'What is it?' I asked curiously. Harry didn't answer though. He just stared at the letter in disbelief. 'Harry what's wrong?' He looked up at me.

'It's addressed to you.' He said flatly. Crap! I thought. So much for no one knowing. I guessed this gave it away after all. He held the letter out to me.

'You may as well read it.' I shook my head, pushing the letter back to him. 'I guess this means he wanted you to know.'

'Know what Am?' Harry looked at me oddly. 'Am? What the hell are you talking about?'

'Read the damn letter!' I snapped. 'Sorry... But I guess if it's in your box and addressed to me, it probably means he wanted you to find out, so just read it.' Harry nodded slowly and began to open the letter.

'My Amellina...' Harry began to read.

'No.' I said firmly. 'I don't want to hear it. I can't... just read it.'

'Okay...' Harry said slowly again, with a questioning look on his face. He begrudgingly accepted my request and continued to read the letter to himself only.

It was a short letter. Just like Sirius I thought short and to the point. I waited nervously for Harry to finish it. I twisted my auburn hair between my fingers, a nervous habit of mine. It wasn't long before his eyes flicked up to meet mine, a stern look back on his face.

'You mean to say that you, and Sirius... you were going out?' I stammered, not knowing exactly how to explain all of this to him. 'How the hell does that happen?'

'Um...' I wasn't sure what to say. 'Does... does the letter explain what happened at the start of last year?'

'Yes. But...I still don't get how something like this can happen.'

'Trust me... try living with it.'

'Amellina, tell me everything. From the beginning.' I drew a deep breath.

'Well, see for me it all started last October. It was the Halloween half term and...'