Hey!! Sorry I haven't updated my other stuff.

I wrote this with Jacob's Imprinted (My future Beta) over about 50 emails. The italics are her, and the normal is me.

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Jacob Black fell in a hole.

He was following (Stalking) Bella when suddenly the ground opened up and he fell into a ten-foot hole.

He was deeply shocked, and promptly fainted.

Later that day, Edward was hunting, and came across the hole.

He fell into it and on top of Jacob (don't let your mind wander; it's not like that... Sicko.)

Jacob yelled, and Edward jumped back out while laughing at Jacob's predicament.

Then Jacob realized getting out of the hole would be easier if he was a werewolf.

So he phased, and tried to jump out.

But he got stuck, because the hole was too small.

It was at that moment that he thought 'Damn. I shouldn't have had those 20 pieces of pie last night'.

Then Edward laughed and Jacob jumped because he had forgotten he was there.

Finally, Jacob remembered that he had Vaseline in his pocket (IDK why), and greased himself up.

Then he lubed himself up and squiggled out.

Edward fell to the ground laughing, and Jacob realized his pants were still in the hole.

So he went werewolf again and found Renesmee hiding in a bush.

And, forgetting he didn't have any pants, Jacob phased back right in front of her.

And Renesmee giggled, then pointed out to him that now was a perfect opportunity for hot, steamy sex, seeing as how she had conveniently forgotten any clothes as well, ergo, the bush.

Jacob agreed, and they proceeded to have hot, steamy sex, at least until Edward walked past.

Then Edward proceeded to shoot Jacob with a BB gun, so he wouldn't have to be too near their thoughts.

Renesmee, after seeing what her father had done, screamed at him that she was an adult, and that she could do this kind of thing.

Then Renesmee proceeded to throw sticks at Edward.

Just then, Bella appeared, and wondered to herself what the hell was going on.

Then she decided that she did not care and dragged Edward off to the cabin to... enjoy the paneling.

Renesmee and Jacob just shrugged, and continued with their... activities.

They then wondered if half-vampires could get pregnant.

So they bought a home-pregnancy tester kit.

But they didn't know how to use it, so they went ask Bella, but she was still... Examining the paneling in the cabin with Edward.

And then she and Jacob were scarred for life.

But then they found the instructions on the box, so Renesmee peed on a stick... And the + was seen.

So then she and Jacob wondered what the baby would look like.

They decided to ask Carlisle, because he was old and smartical.

Jacob decided that it would look like a unicorn.

Renesme went with the logical route and thought it would be an albino werewolf. That drank blood.

She worried that it would be teased by the other werewolf kids, though.

And then her stomach exploded outward, so it resembled a nine-month-prego-belly.

Jacob fainted (again) and fell backwards into the hole he'd fallen into earlier.

And when he woke up three days later, there was a tiny werewolf.

And Jacob wanted to name him Luke.

But Renesme told Jacob he was being dumb and that he watched to much Star Wars and named him Esarosa, which meant 'White Wolf' in Native American.

And Jacob went off to sulk, and ran into Bella and Edward's cabin.

And they threw pinecones at him to get him to leave.

One of the pinecones strayed too low, and hit his groin.

So he decided to never return to the cabin. Ever. Again.

Meanwhile... Renesmee took Esarosa to the other Quileutes so he could learn about his heritage.

But they wouldn't allow her past the boundary because of her vamp parents.

She told them that it was a stupid excuse, and she ran past them.

And since she was super fast, she made it to Billy's house.

Once she was there, she ran up into Jacob's room, and hid in his dirty laundry bin, which smelled like feet.

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Okay, what do you guys think? Weird or not? Should we write more randomness? WE NEED FEEDBACK!!

We're like review vampires. We live off only reviews. Let us live. Review.