5 Days
I was given wine,
We're feeling okay and we're quite alright,
You wash my tears away,
You make me want to stay,
And bonfires lit up the shores
'Bonfires' Blue Foundation
Monday
It was raining when I got home. I shook off the rain, took my shoes off and walked into the living room where I found my boyfriend watching the game. My mug of hot chocolate was ready and waiting for me to digest.
"Thank-you honey!" I kiss his cheek and ruffle his blonde locks.
"Anything for you babe" he answers kissing my cheek and pulling me towards him. I gladly take his embrace and kiss his warm lips.
I start telling Josh about my day, we had this police woman come in and order dozens of coffees and muffins and when me and my co-working and bestfriend Zach gave them to her – all correct – she was rude and didn't even say thank-you. You don't know how pissed off I was.
"…and then when she went out the door" I start to chuckle again because what happened was so funny. "Zach makes this weird gesture and the door slams into her back and she stumbles into a lamppost!" I burst out laughing again.
"That sure does sound funny" he says half-heartedly. I don't mind though, it's one of those you have to be there to really get it moments. I ruffle his hair again (which does cause him to move my hand) and pick up our cups. On my way to the kitchen I get a phone call.
"Yellow?" I say holding my phone to my ear by my shoulder.
"Hey girlfriend, I'm grape how are you?" answers an amused voice down the phone. The fruit thing is something Zach and I always do for fun. Josh thinks it's silly, he has a point it is kind of foolish but I can't help but do it.
About half an hour later I'm back in the living room with Josh. He asks me what took so long and I tell him about the quick chat with Zach.
"Babe, that was not quick" he always gets moody when I have hour long conversations with Zach, he wonders what the hell we have to talk about.
"I'm sorry" I plant kisses all around his face making sure I save the lips for last. "I have to get into work early tomorrow which kinda sucks balls but whatever"
"Oh" he straightens up and puts an arm over the back of the sofa. "I'll give you a ride"
"That's alright; Zach's picking me up extra early. We're going to that waffle bar!" I squeal, waffles are mine and Zach's favourite food while Josh and my friend Macey prefer pancakes. They just don't understand that it's a texture thing.
He sighs and clears his throat while turning the television up. I can tell that he's not happy about this. I seriously don't see what he's got against Zach. I mean he's funny, a good friend and super good-looking although I think that he's gay. I mean the guy has had loads of invitations but he doesn't except.
"I'm going to bed" I announce. "You coming?"
"Nah, I think I might go out and see Dillon"
"Oh okay. Good-night" I give him a kiss and walk out feeling cold. I hate when Josh goes out to see Dillon. Not only is his bestfriend a complete perv, he's a deadbeat. He has no job, shares a house with three other smelly guys and I'm sure that he does drugs. How else could he afford his expensive car? Heck even with mine and Josh's wages put together we can barely keep our apartment warm (but that means more cuddles).
But the thing I hate the most is that he encourages Josh to drink. In high school where I met Josh (except we didn't date until college) he'd had a drinking problem. Not like a 'one more then I'm done' more like 'I have to finish the whole bottle until I'm satisfied'. Josh is a compulsive drinker. He will drink and drink and drink until his lungs burst.
I know he will. I've seen it.
Ever since we got out of high school and into real life I've helped him. I went to daily meeting's with him. I watched him say 'no' to the bottle. I've watched him beat it but tonight with it just being them and no me…I'm scared of what could happen.
Tuesday
"Cammie?" someone nudges me and my eyes flutter open. Josh didn't come back until four am and I had to spend most of the night with him over the toilet bowl. He didn't drink as much as I know he could but definitely enough for him to be out of it.
I don't like drunken people. They scare me; they're all hands on and touchy.
Especially Josh.
"Baby are you okay?" I recognise that voice and those arms wrapped around me no doubt carrying me somewhere. Zach always does that.
"Zach I'm fine, really" I say smiling so he'll hopefully take the bait but like the bestfriend he is, he knows I'm lying.
"Don't bullshit me. Tell. Me. What's wrong" Zach whispers softly. We're alone in the break room and he's making us drinks.
"It's Josh…" I start and I ignore the 'that figures' comment from his lips. "He went out with some of his friends last night and when he came back he was completely smashed. I've been awake since four cleaning him up and I'm just really tired"
I take my mug and sigh with ecstasy as the warm liquid makes its way down my throat warming me up instantly.
"I'm sorry beautiful" he takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Why don't we go out? I mean the dreadful Donna isn't here and I'm sure I can sweet talk Connie into letting us… I've heard Fast and Furious 6 is amazing" he sings and I give in and say yes.
Five hours later Zach is walking me back to my apartment. He was right Fast and Furious was amazing; I mean I almost cried and we sat in Zach's car for half an hour pretending to be driving like them.
Once again Zach has cheered me up. "You have been amazing; do you want to come in?"
"Oh gorgeous you know I would love to except I don't think Mr Grumpy would like that" he nods to the window I look up to the second storey and see Josh.
"Oh okay, I'll see you tomorrow?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way" he kisses my cheek. "Bye, remember I love you"
"I love you too!" I shout and wave Zach away.
Wednesday
I don't really want to think about yesterday. After I got home Josh wasn't very happy, he'd heard from one of his mates that I was with Zach all day when I should have been at work. I tried to explain everything but he didn't take it. I don't know if he was drunk or angry but I know that he wasn't messing around when he forbid me to see and speak to Zach.
I've tried to ignore him all day and it's worked since we've had a busy morning but now it's break time and I don't know how I can avoid him. Your probably thinking I'm being stupid, it's not like Josh is here but the thing is…one of his friend's girlfriend is.
I hate Jemma. She stands in the corner of the room with her crappy extensions and false eyelashes watching me. She's constantly on her phone, probably texting her boyfriend about me and how I'm under Josh's wing.
My phone buzzes. I look at Jemma but she's too occupied in her own social life so I know that neither Josh nor her boyfriend has threatened me.
[2:20pm] y aren't you talking 2 me beautiful? xxxxxxxxxx
It's Zach; no one else calls me beautiful. He's sitting across from me and trying not to make it obvious.
[2:23pm] sorry im under strict instructions from the bf xxxxxxxxxx
His body tenses and he cracks his knuckles. Okay, maybe I shouldn't have told him about Josh.
[2:25pm] wtf, who is he to tell u? i want a word w/him!
[2:25pm] nooo, he'll kill me please zach don't!
[2:26pm] zach? Im not scared of josh if thats wat u think!
[2:27pm] zach dont, i don't want or need any more stress!
[2:30pm] fine fuck you zach!
I slam my phone down on the table which puts a dent in everyone's conversation. I make a dumb excuse that I just lost at Temple Run and everyone nods along like it's relatable. Jemma has a smirk on her face and stalks out the room, if I was Bex I would follow her and drag out those extensions except I'm not Bex. I'm not Macey either who would be cunning and evil by dumping fashion magazines about hair on the table to mock her. Nor am I Liz who would come up with some mathematical, scientific way of getting back at her.
I'm Cammie. Average, boring and takes whatever you throw at her.
When I get back home Josh is waiting. As soon as I'm through the door he's kissing me and hugging me. Josh tells me about Jemma who had been texting his mate George about me and that he's proud of me for listening to him. I put on a fake smile and clutch my phone tightly.
I mope around the house but it isn't like Josh notices. He acts like me ignoring Zach is something good, as if it should be commended. I don't talk much either; he does all the talking while I listen.
Nothing new.
I've been sneaking looks at my phone all day. I just have a feeling that Zach is going to do something. Text me, call me, or show up?
It's around nine when the door bell goes and Josh wonders who it could be.
I do my best to stop him. "Come on babe forget that person. Let's go in our room and have some fun"
That makes Josh stop. He gives me a confused look and I sigh. Josh isn't stupid, he knows that I'm not ready for sex and I probably won't be for a long time. He shakes his head, disgusted that I would play with his hopes and dreams. He opens the door with a 'what?' and then there's a grunt.
I call his name and get a moan for an answer. Lying on the floor with the door wide open is Josh. His nose is bleeding and I think he may be sporting a concussion. I step over his body and look out in the lobby but there isn't a sign of anyone.
Tires screech. I run back inside and look outside the bedroom window.
I know whose car that is.
G00D3 X
Thursday
I stomp through the doors to the café and ignore everyone's friendly greetings. I'll make it up to them later but right now I'm on the hunt for a certain man.
I spot Zach in the hallway talking to fellow co-worker Brad. I walk up and drag him by his collar to the supply closet.
"Whoa Cammie I thought you didn't put out" he jokes but even though it's dark in here I grasp his top and shove him against the wall hard.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I shout. I release the fabric and pace in the small space before pounding my fists against the wall. "I told you I was fine and you didn't listen. You're damn lucky that Josh didn't see you or you would be dead!"
"Don't you see it?! He's controlling you Cam…and you're scared" I shake my head and go to open the door except his hand stops me. "Yes you are! Does he hurt you?"
I'm surprised at the question, I know that Zach doesn't like Josh but he's never brought up abuse before. This is new.
I stutter. "What? No, no he has never hit me or abused me verbally. Do you think I'm that stupid?!"
I push Zach and storm out the closet only to run into Jemma, her cheap perfume hits me and I'm having a coughing fit. She tells me to take my germs somewhere else and barges past me. I quickly move so she doesn't have to question me when she finds out that me and Zach were both in the closet. Together.
The house is silent when I come in. I tread around carefully making sure I don't puncture the silence. Sitting on the edge of the sofa with his head in his hands is Josh.
I play innocent and ask him what's wrong but when I except shouting – something verbal – I get something completely different.
His hands grab my wrist and his nails dig deep into my skin. He just sits there with my wrist in his hands not saying or doing anything.
"Josh I don't -" he stands, towering over me. His light brown eyes now look dark and deep. His nails crack the surface and I'm aware that I've going to have scars.
"I've waited for you" he begins. "I've waited and waited for you to shed your teenage skin. It's not like I can have any fun with you, is it? But riddle me this…how do you think I felt when I got a text from Jemma telling me that my girlfriend has just come out of a closet with someone who she has been warned not to speak to. How do you think I felt?"
I don't bother answer. I let him drag me to the bedroom where he points to the bed and screams at me for being a frigid little girl. I want to cry, I want to roll myself into a ball and sob.
I want Zach.
"You're pathetic!" he pushes me into the wall and flops down on the bed. His speech is starting to slur. His voice is fading and he's asleep.
He's been drinking.
He's been drinking.
He's been drinking which means that when he wakes up he won't remember anything.
I look down at my wrist. It's nothing too bad but there is definitely a scar forming.
He'll ask about that in the morning I'm sure.
Friday
Like I suspected Josh didn't remember. He just woke up and acted normal. On Friday's I work in the afternoon and I had the pleasure of staying in bed while Josh got ready.
"What's wrong?" he asks for the tenth time. "You've been very quiet"
"I'm fine just tired" I answer and I'm not actually lying. I am tired, really tired but of what I'm not sure.
Nothing feels right anymore and I don't know what could make me feel better but I'm certain it's not Dillon's party that we're attending this evening.
"Get some sleep we're partying all night!" he smiles happily and kisses me sweetly before heading out the house.
I sigh and check my phone. I would have the usual text from Zach except I don't think we're talking.
I'm not the party type. I don't enjoy the pounding music or the mad dancing or the alcohol. I stick like glue to Josh until my bladder is about to burst. I told him to wait outside for me except he's gone when I'm out and I feel uncomfortable with all the people around me.
The smell of smoke is everywhere so I head outside for some clean air. I'm surprised when I see some girls I used to go to school with I tag along with them until I find someone who I hadn't seen in ages.
"Oh my goodness! Grant, get over here!" he gives me his signature bone crushing hug and I'm almost in tears. I haven't seen Grant Newman since high school because he moved away because of his football scholarship.
"How are you baby girl?" he asks ruffling my hair like a brother would and since we have some similarities we used to pretend we were siblings.
He fills me in on his superstar life and then asks me how my life is. I lie and tell him that I'm happy. Unfortunately Grant is another person who can see through my lies but he nods and leaves me alone on the sofa without questions.
A few moments later Josh dumps himself carelessly next to me. The beer in his hand spills on him and he curses.
"Fucking drink!" he turns his attention on me. "Hey babe, how you doing?"
"I'm fine, when do you think we'll be leaving?"
He laughs a gut wrenching, stomach hurting, breath gasping laugh. "You are funny…" he gets closer. "I like funny"
He kisses me, his lips taste like alcohol, sweat and marijuana. It's horrible and makes me want to gag but when he puts his tongue in my mouth and down my throat I feel the bile come up from my stomach.
I'm sick all over Josh's trainers.
People hardly notice, in fact they even walk past and step in my watery vomit. They're lucky I hardly ate anything.
"What is your problem?!" he shouts down my ear and I squeal when he takes a fist full of my hair. I thought that this wouldn't happen. But even though we're in a room full of people they're all either doing their own thing or too drunk to notice.
Even Grant is drunk.
The door bursts open and the music stops. Everyone is quiet except for one girl who continues to giggle and fawn over Grant.
Somebody speaks. A warning that if they don't get out then something bad will happen to them.
The intruders voice sounds familiar, they say that they'll go only if someone goes with them.
I hear everyone's feet stumble and trip as they make way for this person. With my head down looking at the sick I'm surprised when the image is changed. Instead of sick its white air forces.
I look up. "Zach" I whisper. He nods and takes my hand. No one even questions the fact that he's taking their friends girlfriend. Well not until someone is dragging my hair back and their arms are wrapped around me.
Suffocating me.
"What do you think you're doing? Cammie is mine."
I am Josh's possession. That is how it's always been.
"Not anymore" smirks Zach and a group of people surround him. They must have been undercover. Some still dressed as party goers and others in their official uniform. Everyone panics; the police have come to arrest Josh and his friends for selling illegal drugs and many other crimes. I'm pulled away from the hustle and bustle by Zach who puts his arms around my shoulder and guides me to his car.
"Are you okay? You don't feel sick or anything"
I shake my head. "Why are you here?"
He sighs, lowering the radio although it started to play my favourite song. "Because I can't take the pain anymore Cammie. I thought you being happy would be enough for me but it isn't… I'm in love with you"
"But Zach" I say confused. "I thought you were…you know…"
He chuckles; eye brows raised challenging me to answer. "No Cammie I don't know"
"I thought you were gay! I mean you're overly happy. Always calling me beautiful and I'm sure you haven't been on a date in years!"
He laughs. "Cammie I may be a little in touch with my inner woman but I am straight. Your happiness makes me happy. I call you beautiful because you are. And I haven't dated because no one can compare to you"
I have tears in my eyes. No one has ever told me such beautiful things. I guess Josh did one day but now it's like once we're together it doesn't matter when really it does.
Zach makes me happy. Zach makes me feel beautiful. And I love Zach.
"I love you too" I whisper, scared that I might wake up.
And slowly, our lips meet and the rest of that week slowly fades away.
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To go beside you,
Is where I want to be,
(Wa fa fa-wey)
To laugh, to love.
Hi. I know I've been M.I.A but I've had probably one of the worst last weeks at school ever and I'm just so thank-full for HALF-TERM which officially started yesterday even though I didn't go to school because of said reasons [I still worry about what will happen when I go back] but I'm not going to make myself cry again, I won't.
Did you know this is 3000 words long? Yep, that's how much I love you guys. I will add this to my one-shots later [check those out if you haven't!] but still I hope you enjoy this!
I'll be back in summer with my summer story which is going pretty good, I'm really in the middle of the plot now where Cammie has to make some big decisions so we'll see how that goes ;)
Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes – this did take me about 2 hours to write :D
Oh and please look up this song, it's my favourite and just listen to that sexophone [saxophone but they just sound so sexy!]…Eat Your Kimchi anyone? *awkward silence* it's called 'Bonfires' by Blue Foundation and I just love them!
But how are you guys? I miss you loads, I really do. You shower me with complement sand the support I need but if you guys ever want to talk PM me!
Okay I'm finished, it's just I've missed talking to you :D
and bonfires lit up the shores
oh and if you read ALL my A/N then add your favourite song/lyric in the review!
