This love has taken its toll on me
She couldn't believe she was listening to this with a straight face.
There stood Clark, the man she had always loved, spouting nonsense about Lana. Again. Lana was leaving Lex. Lana told him she would always love him. Lana knew his secret, and he couldn't help himself so he told her everything, from being an alien to the reason he was on planet Earth… and he couldn't believe her response was to kiss him, because it was everything he had ever wanted. They were going to be together, just as soon as Lana was safe from Lex.
Chloe stood there, arms crossed, fighting the urge to give into the tears begging to spill onto her cheeks. Her non-committal responses didn't seem to register with Clark, who was, like he always had been, wrapped up in the roller-coaster that was his relationship with Lana. Chloe wanted to laugh at how absurd he sounded. Her friend, this man – who was more than a man, really – was so blinded by Lana Luthor that she in all honesty didn't care anymore. Hadn't she been down this path a million times with Clark? Wasn't it this time last year when Lana was spewing nothing but hatred towards him?
The happy, almost joyful note in his voice grated on her last nerve, breaking the last vestiges of respect for Lana, her former friend, and shattered what was left of the heart that yet belonged to the tall, dark-haired man standing before her. "Clark," she said suddenly, looking up into his glittering blue eyes, interrupting him, "you can really be sense sometimes."
"What, Chloe?" he asked quietly, surprised by the irritation and defeat he found in her watery green eyes. For some reason he couldn't fathom, he had upset Chloe Sullivan by this simple confession.
"Dense. You," she repeated sardonically, poking his chest with a well-manicured finger, emphasizing her words. When Clark appeared dazed, bitter laughter, tasting like bile, spilled from her lips. She quickly hid it behind a cough, though the bitter smirk remained.
"Why are you saying that?" he asked, ignoring her strange response. "All I've ever wanted is Lana. You know that."
Feeling like she'd been doused with ice-cold water, Chloe took a large step backwards, her smirk turning sour. "Clark, how many times has Lana yanked your chain? Didn't she tell you not too long ago that she hated your guts?"
"Yeah, she did, but th—" The words died on his lips as his face turned pensive. "That was because Lex had led her to believe he loved her. He blinded her."
"Right, and you honestly believe that if Lana truly loved you, she wouldn't have married Mr. Evil Incarnate?" Chloe continued, unable to stop the words flowing from her heart. "How many times has she said goodbye and ran away? To Paris, to another man?"
Clark put up a hand. "Wait, Chloe, that's not fair. I've done my share of running, too, you know."
"Yes, from your destiny, Clark," Chloe stated firmly, her anger growing with each word uttered, "which is a lot bigger than Lana… or me, for that matter." Why couldn't he see she was just using him again? she asked herself. Was Clark really that affected by Lana's puppy dog eyes? Why was there no one else on his radar? Did they all have to have long, raven colored hair for him to take notice?
Why do I feel so jealous? she asked herself, frowning inwardly.
"Doesn't matter, Chloe," he retorted, "because this time, it's different."
She crossed her arms again and glared at him. "How's it different, Clark?" she demanded. "Because you told her the truth about you? Because you actually took my advice for once and was honest with her, even though it was really too little, too late?" Those hated tears threatened to make an appearance again, so she bit her lip, fighting them back. She was so tired of letting Clark Kent believe they were nothing more than friends. Weary of the beating her heart took whenever he got that faraway look – the one he was wearing now – when he talked of Lana.
She suddenly missed Jimmy. For all his goofiness, he at least paid attention to her, loved her in his own way. Spent time with her for the sake of hanging out and not to glean information from her.
"Well, yes," he stated simply after a long moment. "Now there aren't anymore obstacles. She knows and accepts me… why can't you accept that, Chloe?"
Clark's words were like thorns pricking her heart, leaving her empty. Eight years of loving him, yearning for him, and for what? she wondered, her face involuntarily falling. She had done her best to be his friend, just like they had agreed when they were in high school. Despite the fact that she could never keep her end of the bargain. She had waited for him, wondered if letting him go would bring him back to her, but she realized nothing would change Clark Kent.
Clark would love Lana forever. And Chloe would long for a dream that had long since died.
Sucking in a soft breath, Chloe flatly ignored his question. "Fine. Just don't come whining to me when she changes her mind and leaves you again when you don't do exactly what she wants." She turned to leave but stopped, glancing back at him. "I've loved you forever, you know. Helped you out when you needed it, let you go because I knew you loved Lana. Hoped you get over her one day. Guess that's my mistake." Her voice warbled, the tears victorious, and she nearly ran into a co-worker trying to leave her office, taking two steps at a time to get out of the Daily Planet.
And smacked straight into Clark's chest once she made it through the revolving doors. Tears streamed from her eyes unheeded; Chloe kicked herself mentally as she steadied herself, wondering what made her be so blatantly honest for a change. About her feelings, of all things. She squinted against the glaring sun, looking into his concerned eyes. "Clark," she sighed, "don't you know it's never a good idea to go after a girl when she doesn't want you to follow?"
"Chloe," Clark whispered, grabbing her arms gently, not letting her go despite her struggle to break free. "What did you mean by all of that?"
His grip was firm, and based on the intent look of curiosity in his eyes, Chloe guessed he wasn't going to let this go. She stopped, her body stiff but still, her eyes fixed on his massive chest. "Don't make me repeat all that," she mustered tearfully, "because I know you heard every word, Clark. You and your super-human hearing."
"Chloe." Clark's voice was becoming insistent.
Sighing, Chloe forced herself to look at his face, which had haunted her dreams for much too long. I need to let him go, she thought, shivering despite the warmth of the sunlight. "Clark, I broke the agreement we made, okay? I still love you, even though you've obviously been oblivious to it." She paused for a moment, watching the shock spread across his handsome features. "I'm tired of watching the Clark and Lana Roller Coaster, because I never know where it's going to stop. You break my heart, and I don't want that anymore. So…please let me go."
She tugged out of his embrace, wishing her heart would follow her body. It still seemed to cling to his chest, near his heart, where her eyes had strayed once again. When she felt Clark move, she took a step back, wrapping her arms around her waist and stuffing her terror deep inside once again. "Chloe, I had no idea," Clark whispered urgently, his hands reaching to cup her cheeks. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Taking another step back, Chloe laughed bitterly and shook her head. "Why, so I could get my feelings out to have you stomp on them?" she retorted hotly. "What would you have done, Clark? Would it have made a difference, really?" She stopped suddenly, waiting for his response to her questions. As if the universe would make sense if he did.
And when the moment passed, when she sensed his hesitation, Chloe Sullivan got her answer. No, it wouldn't have mattered. She was just a friend. Clark looked sheepish, tried to open his mouth though no words came out. She sniffed, trying to get her heart back, making her face a wall of neutrality. "Guess we have it, then," she stated after several moments of silence, the outside noises fading into the background.
"I'm sorry, Chloe," Clark said finally, a hint of sadness in his voice. "I wish I could tell you things would be different."
She managed a small smile. "Hey, I'm still your friend, okay? It's not like I'm going to fall to pieces over this." Not in front of you, anyway, she thought miserably. "Besides, don't you have a 'Zoner to hunt down? A Luthor to catch?"
"Trying to change the subject again?" he asked, arching an eyebrow carefully.
A trembling smile touched her lips. "Duh, Kent," she retorted wryly. "Why talk about me when you've got the world to save?" She turned her back to him, face screwed up from the pain of keeping her feelings to herself and walked back through the revolving doors, patting her face dry with her hands. She knew the second Clark left, the whoosh of wind signaling his departure, leaving nothing behind but her broken heart.
At her desk again, Chloe rested her head against her palms, taking a few deep breaths. With any luck, Clark would forget this conversation, she thought. Because, just as she had faded into the backdrop of saving the world, she also knew she was the second to Lana Luthor's first. She fell back into her work, wishing things could be different. That her heart was untouched by Clark's charm and boyish looks. That she knew how to move on into a world without him.
Oh well, she thought, staring at her computer screen. At least I was honest with him. And now I know the answer to the million dollar question.
