For the Leave It Up To Fate Challenge (Andromeda/Lucius, Romance/Angst, weapon, impulse) on HPFC and the Iris category of the Greenhouses Competition (write a letter fic), also on HPFC.

Dear Lucius,

I know you probably hate me. That you don't understand how I could leave you for Ted.

If I tell you I'm sorry, will you forgive me?

I am sorry, for leaving you on the eve of our wedding. But I don't regret it.

I loved you, Lucius, I honestly did. But I couldn't stay there, living under my family's oppressive prejudices.

What kind of wife would I have been, had I married you? You detest anything to do with muggles while I scorn the pureblood prejudices we grew up with. Not exactly a match made in heaven. A wife is supposed to stand by her husband, and to except his beliefs as her own. I couldn't have done that, no matter how much I loved you.

I tried to reason with myself, to convince myself that our love was stronger than our differences. But I had to face reality someday, Lucius. Did I really want to marry a tool, a weapon of the Dark Lord? Would I be able to live with myself, having a husband who was a murderer, who stood for everything I was against?

You and I both know the answer to that is no. I couldn't have lived with the knowledge.

Ted Tonks came into the picture as I was realizing the direction our relationship was heading. He was a muggleborn Hufflepuff who had been in my year at Hogwarts. Impulsive and desperate for an escape, I jumped at a chance to start a friendship with him. The more time we spent together the more I realized how perfectly the pieces were falling into place. Here was a chance at freedom, an new life without my family's prejudices weighing down on me.

There was only one thing – or person, rather – holding me back. You, Lucius. I still loved you. But I knew I had to let you go, had to pretend I didn't care for you. So I broke off our engagement, even though it ripped my heart to pieces.

I left that very day, disowned by my parents for choosing Ted. It's been two years now, Lucius, and my heart still aches at the thought of what could have been. But I'm happy now. I love Ted, and I love little Nymphadora.

But sometimes, when I let my mind wander, I imagine what it would be like if the Dark Lord had never existed, if I had stayed with you instead of gone with Ted. And oftentimes, I wish that was my life instead.

I loved you, Lucius, but we were just to different. I'm sorry.

Andromeda