NOTE: This is a crossover fic I'm working on of Pinky And The Brain meets Criminal Minds. In this fic, Pinky and The Brain replace David Rossi and Alex Blake as agents. The unsub the BAU faces in this case is an angry teenage girl with a killer car wash who targets the elderly.
On a farm, out in Kansas stood a garage. But it was no ordinary garage. The garage was completely refurbished into a car wash with sparkly, hot pink car was brushes. A teenage girl stood at the operating window, Katy Perry's "Hot And Cold" was blasting from her computer as she pressed a few buttons. Inside the garage, a car with an old man in it sat. Suddenly, the hot pink brushes started spinning and caved in the car. The man began to panic as it was getting crushed. Suddenly, blood burst everywhere, all over the interior of the crushed car.
The girl at the keyboard grinned, "Daddy, get the forklift! The garage needs cleaning again!"
Meanwhile, at the FBI HQ, Morgan and Garcia were walking, "So, how was the renaissance fair, baby girl?"
Garcia grinned and rocked on her heels, "It was amazing. We all got up and LARPed our asses off. I was a beautiful maiden and this one guy who was totally not Kevin was my knight in shining armor."
Morgan frowned, "Aww...come on, baby girl. You know I'll always be your knight in shining armor."
Garcia chuckled a bit and kissed Morgan on the cheek as Hotch walked by, "We have a case, everyone."
"All right, then. How about we get this show on the road?" Morgan asked.
"Yes, but first we need a couple agents to fill in for Rossi and Blake." Hotch replied.
Morgan shrugged, "Where are we going to recruit new agents at this hour?"
Meanwhile, Pinky and the Brain were outside. Brain wore a suit and tie while Pinky wore a red dress with a blonde wig and heels. Brain turned to Pinky, "All right, Pinky. Once we're done catching the killer, the BAU will praise me as one of their own and once I get a big, shiny medal of honor, I'll use it to hypnotize the world and all shall bow down before me!"
Pinky clapped his hands excitedly, "Egad, brilliant, Brain! Wait, no no no. What if the BAU takes over the world before us?"
Brain shook his head, "Pinky, that will never happen."
And so, the two mice entered the conference room, they were greeted by Hotch, Morgan and Garcia. Hotch walked up to Brain and shook his hand, "You must be Brain, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner and this is SSA Derek Morgan and our tech analyst, Penelope Garcia."
JJ and Reid were walking down the hall together and Reid was in the middle of a rant, "So, you see, JJ. Animaniacs was more than just a cartoon, it was an educational work of art, I mean, have you seen Yakko sing the world song? Rob Paulsen memorized it all by hims-"
JJ suddenly interrupted the rambling genius, "Reid, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Reid shrugged, "I think so, JJ but Jar Jar Binks, did he really deserve to be in Star Wars?"
JJ lightly thwapped Reid on the head with a rolled up newspaper, "No, we have a case."
Reid and JJ filed into the room and they smiled at the two lab mice. JJ spoke up, "You two must be Agent Pinky and Agent Brain. Pleasure to meet you, I'm SSA Jennifer Jareau but you can call me JJ and over here is Doctor Spencer Reid."
Reid waved at the two mice and started ranting, "Did you know that as years pass, human experiments continue to anthropomorphize animals even more? Back in 1957, a dog named Laika was the first dog sent to outer space and chimpanzees are often taught sign language to communicate. Lab mice as FBI agents sound like a bit of a stretch but nowadays, science can make almost anything possible. Almost."
Pinky got a big grin on my face, "Wow! So does that mean I can make ice cream that isn't cold? NARF!"
Reid shrugged, "Sure, just put it in the microwave for about 10 seconds and it's done."
Pinky started clapping, "Egad, Reid, you are brilliant!"
Brain konked Pinky on the head, "Stop acting like an imbecile, we're part of the BAU now, remember?"
"Oh, right-o, Brain. Hahahahahahaha, NARF!" Pinky chirped happily.
Morgan turned to Brain, "Is he always like this?"
Brain shook his head, "Oh, you have no idea..."
Suddenly, Hotch's phone started ringing and the ringtone was Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up". Brain, Morgan and JJ all gave him weird stares, "What? Don't even think about profiling me for that one."
Hotch picked up and phone and heard Rossi on the other end, "Oh, hey Rossi. How's your Italian vacation going?"
Rossi was on the other end, shaking his head, "Not so good, Hotch. I just ate at the worst Italian restaurant ever and this is supposed to be authentic Italian cuisine. It seriously made me want to grab a barf bag. The spaghetti was burnt and the pizza had too much grease on it. This is Italy, Hotch. There's no excuse for that!"
Pinky giggled a bit, "Oooh, he sounds mad. Zort! You suppose a bug crawled into his underwear, Brain?"
Brain banged his fist on the table, "CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THIS INFERNAL CASE ALREADY!?"
There was a stunned silence and Hotch shut off his phone, "Sorry, Rossi. I'll talk to you later."
Pinky scratched his head, "Hey, poit. Whatever happened to Alex Blake?"
"You're her replacement." JJ exclaimed, "She was chased off the set and mauled by angry Emily Prentiss fans."
Pinky shivered a bit, "Gee, I hope the Prentiss fans don't go after me. That sounds scary!"
Reid shook his head, "Don't worry about it, Pinky. You're too loved a character to be bashed like that."
Pinky grinned a little, "Thanks, Reid. Why do they call you Reid anyway? Is it cause you read a lot of books? And why are you a doctor, ZORT? The only Doctor I know is Doctor Pepper. Hey, do you like Doctor Pepper? I like Doctor Pepper! Sometimes it gives me gas, though and..."
Before Pinky could finish, Brain bonked him on the head. Morgan turned to Garcia, "Okay, baby-girl. Let's explain the case."
Garcia clicked a button on her remote, "The case takes place in Witchita, Kansas. Two bodies have been found so far in a landfill, Hortense Marshall and Dan Winters. Both were inside small, compact cars that were crushed by some strong force. Both were elderly and had fractures everywhere."
"It looks like they were crushed to death in their own cars. The unsub may have had access to heavy machinery." Morgan commented.
JJ nodded, "Whoever did this to them must have had a lot of anger inside them."
Pinky suddenly hopped up, "How could a subway sandwich kill people? Maybe they were allergic to mayo and is was an evil sandwich! Booooooo, NARF!"
Once again, Brain konked Pinky on the head and he laughed. Reid turned to Pinky, "Unsub means unknown subject. In other words, someone who committed this crime."
"You know, like a serial killer." Morgan added.
Pinky scratched his head, "That makes no sense, why would anyone want to kill a box of cereal? That's not very nice..." Tears welled up in Pinky's eyes and he started sniffling, "Poit. Poor cardboard and little color changing cereal spoons inside."
Pinky suddenly burst into tears and JJ patted the sensitive mouse on his head, "Um...there there..." It felt awkward for JJ to comfort someone who thought cardboard was a living thing.
Hotch cleared his throat, "Anyway, back to the investigation. Although many tornadoes come and go through Kansas, it's not currently tornado season which can mean only one thing: foul play."
"Foul play?" Pinky chimed in, "Gee, I don't know how chickens are involved in this but NARF!"
Hotch ignored Pinky's inane comment and continued, "We'll study the case more when we get there, we've wasted enough time. Wheels up in 20."
"Oooh, troz! I just LOOOVE cheese wheels." Pinky clapped merrily, hopping up and down.
Meanwhile, a blonde, blue-eyed teenage girl in a pink cheerleader outfit was standing on a corner holding a stack of flyers when suddenly a car pulled up.
A teen boy with curly brown hair smiled at her, "Free carwash, huh? Does that come with extra wax?"
The girl leaned into the passenger's side window and glared at him, "NO TEENS ALLOWED!"
The teen boy grinned, "Playing hard to get are ya?"
The teen girl suddenly whipped out a tazer and snarled at him, "One more word and I WILL FRY YOU!"
Panicked, the teen boy sped away and another car pulled up to the girl. In the car was a little old lady and she smiled at her, "Free car wash?"
The girl leaned into the window and smiled at her, "Of course, but it's at my house. My daddy turned the garage into a car wash."
The old lady nodded, "All right, sweetie. If you insist, I'll let you wash my car."
The teen girl's smile slowly widened into a wicked grin.
*Criminal Minds theme song starts playing*
Maurice Lamarche *Brain is reading a science textbook*
Shemar Moore *Morgan is chasing after someone*
Matthew Gray Gubler *Reid is holding up a bag of some sort*
AJ Cook *JJ performs a roundhouse kick on a door*
Kristen Vangsness *Garcia is typing away at her computer*
Rob Paulsen *Pinky is dancing in a hula skirt*
and
Thomas Gibson *Hotch is standing beside a police car, firing a gun*
*Camera pans out to reveal Hotch, Reid, JJ, Morgan, Garcia and Brain's head photoshopped on Rossi's body and Pinky's head photoshopped on Blake's body*
NOTE: What do you think of it so far? Feel free to read and review!
