Resolutions
By V.C. Turner
He watched as she placed a single, long-stemmed red rose on the gravestone at the cemetery. He knew she didn't notice him staring, but a part of him hoped she felt his eyes on her – even for a brief moment. Although consumed by his own grief, he still reserved a place in his heart for her – a feeling he had pushed aside for so long that he'd grown accustomed to fighting it.
As she walked away, he knew her eventual absence from his life would rip open an even bigger hole than what was already there.
He couldn't let that happen.
He wouldn't let that happen.
No matter what the cost.
Damon stood at the entrance to the Salvatore Family Crypt holding a full bottle of bourbon in his right hand, and Stefan's daylight ring in his left. Somewhere deep within him, he denied this day would ever come. This day was never supposed to happen - not for him. The finality of his brother's death ate away at him, and as a human, he could no longer turn off his emotions to make the pain go away.
Darkness fell around him, as it always fell upon Mystic Falls. The town was finally safe thanks to Bonnie's strength and magic, and Stefan's sacrifice. Damon felt the cold envelop him, yet the sensation did not seep into his bones. The lump in his throat expanded and he took a large gulp of bourbon to loosen it up.
He felt the warm liquid slide down his throat then the burn hit his stomach. The former vampire had almost forgotten the warm tingling sensation that accompanied alcohol. This new human life would apparently be filled with challenges. He took a deep breath as he stepped inside the mausoleum, staring at his brother's name etched in stone 10 feet away.
Damon began to shake. He turned to his left and sat down on the bench across from his brother's grave and began to speak to a spirit he wasn't sure even existed.
"Hello brother," Damon began, "Well, you certainly took this hero thing a bit too far this time, kiddo."
Damon sat silent for a moment, knowing no one would hear him but still waiting, hoping, that somewhere, somehow, his brother would be listening.
He continued.
"You know, this actually wasn't supposed to happen. I'm the older brother. I'm supposed to protect you," he said, his voice wavering from grief and anger, "I'm supposed to die to save you. That's how it should work, Damn it! I am not supposed to outlive you! I don't deserve to outlive you."
Damon wept. He could feel heaviness in his chest. It nearly knocked him to the floor, but he persisted. He needed to get it out: all the hurt, all the pain, all the rage, all the love.
"Why the hell did you go and do that, huh? We've shared this life for more than 150 years. Even when we hated each other, we still loved each other and now you're gone and I don't know if I even want this life. I'm hanging on by a thread brother, I am…" Damon said.
He took another swig of the liquor and felt the burn again, but it didn't lift the burden he now carried: to make the most of the human life his brother had gifted him – a life with a woman he loved.
"Stefan," said Damon, "I know you did this for me. I know you wanted me to be happy, and I will be. The thing is: it won't be the love story that either of us expected. You were brave enough to risk it all, so I guess it's time I do the same."
Bonnie sat at the kitchen table in the Salvatore Mansion. The fireplace lit the room with a bright orange glow, but she ignored the beauty of the shadows it cast around the room. She had one final task to complete before embarking on her plan to leave Mystic Falls forever and all the pain that dwelled within its borders.
She'd lost so much and had nothing to show for it but an empty house and a book of spells bequeathed to her through a lineage of deceased Bennett witches.
No more.
One last spell to wake Elena, and then she could move on with her life—move on from her life in a town she'd saved, but also a place that had abandoned her a long time ago. A tear fell from her eye as she turned the page. She wiped a second tear away and looked around. She loved and hated this house; it had once been her prison and her salvation. Leaving it would be hard but it was also necessary. She couldn't stay here. As strong as she was, she couldn't bear to watch yet another happy ending when hers continued to elude her.
No sacrifice she'd ever made over the years led her down the path the joy, so she refused to condemn herself to another year, another day, another moment in this place that held nothing for her other than loss.
Her tiny fingers flipped through the pages when she came upon a spell that might break the curse that bound her life to Elena's. In truth, her life had always been bound to the Gilbert girl, but she'd hope the words on the page in front of her would finally sever that tie – permanently.
Bonnie reviewed the spell, written in Latin, and tried to decipher how to modify it to ensure they both survived at the end of it all. Anticipation swelled within her as she grabbed a notepad and began to write down different ideas that might unlock the puzzle of the curse and free her.
She didn't hear him come enter the room.
"Hey, Bon," a voice said from the doorway.
Bonnie's heart fluttered and she frowned at her inability to control her emotions. She stopped writing and took a deep breath before she spoke. She understood the pain of loss more than anyone else. She dwelled alone in this world and, in some ways, so did he. It was one of the many similarities they shared.
She watched as Damon walked into the room and sat the bottle of liquor on the counter. He didn't look at her at first. He simply climbed up on a bar stool at the kitchen counter with a brooding expression on his face.
"Hey," she said, not wanting to ask too many questions about his state of mind that he wouldn't be ready to answer.
Damon fiddled with his daylight ring. He no longer needed it, but he continued to don the ornate piece of jewelry as a memento of his former life. Tears filled his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. His humanity laid bare in front of them both in the silence of the evening.
"What – What are you doing?" he asked, still not looking directly at his friend.
Bonnie held up the grimoire and showed the pages to him.
"Just looking for a way to break the sleeping curse," she said, turning back to the book.
Damon nodded in response, then used his fingertips to push the bottle further way from him. An uncomfortable silence hung between them, full of unspoken thoughts and deeds that neither felt ready to express.
After several minutes, he spoke.
"Why?" he asked quietly.
Bonnie, surprised by his question, didn't answer immediately. She stood up from her seat and walked toward him, standing inches away from him as his cobalt blue eyes appraised her. She fought the urge to give him a hug. She didn't know if he wanted to be touched, much less held at the moment. The wounds of Stefan's death remained fresh for everyone.
"Well, since you're human now, I have to wake her as soon as possible so you guys can get on with your lives," she pointed out.
"And what about you?" Damon immediately asked once he finally gathered the strength to look at her.
Bonnie paused for a few seconds, knowing the conversation was inevitable, but hoping to avoid it for as long as possible. She hated talking about her future plans. They seemed insignificant compared to those of her friends. They never asked her about them, so she rarely volunteered.
"I'm heading to Europe. I've never had the chance to see the world, so I figured now was a good a time as any," Bonnie told him.
She turned around and headed back to the table to begin working on the spell again. She silently jotted down notes and watched him from the corner of her eye. She saw him hop off the barstool and sit down next to her at the head of the table.
He rubbed his temples as if he wanted to consider his words before speaking; atypical behavior for Damon, who usually spoke his mind first and apologized later. Bonnie didn't know the source of his caution, and it scared her a little. What could he possible want now? Would he be asking her to resurrect Stefan for him? She had no interest in dabbling in dark magic again.
Some things should stay buried.
"I don't want you to do it," he said flatly, placing his hand on hers.
Damon slipped the pencil from her fingers and held Bonnie's left hand. The contact distracted her. She furrowed her brow at him. She'd never had more control over her magic. She felt certain she could do the spell and not hurt herself or Elena in the process.
"I'll be fine, Damon," Bonnie insisted, "I'm so much stronger now with my magic. I know I can do this. Don't worry."
She placed her free hand on top of his and patted it, but when she tried to pull away, he resisted.
"That's not what I meant. I know you're strong. I don't want you to do the spell at all," Damon explained.
"Damon, I'm not going to die and neither is Elena. Kai probably lied about the sleeping curse, but even if he didn't, I can handle this," she pointed out.
She could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. He was holding something back and it made her nervous. Maybe he didn't want to lose one of his best friends and his brother all in the span of a couple of weeks. However, Bonnie had never felt more confident about using her magic. She fought back Hellfire to save the town, so waking Elena up should be relatively easy.
Damon held tighter onto Bonnie's hands, as if she'd disappear if he let go. She didn't try to pull away again. The man was grieving. She couldn't distance herself from him now; not in this moment. She would be leaving soon enough. She packed her bags two weeks earlier and obtained her passport as well as the ticket to her first stop: Paris.
"You're going to leave as soon as you can, aren't you?" he asked. She noted the pain on his face and tried to be careful with her explanation.
She nodded.
"Damon, all the bad guys are gone… And yes: we lost a good guy too, but after I break the curse, I just I don't have a reason to stay," Bonnie pointed out.
"Not even one?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her, a hint of the told Damon resurfacing for a brief moment.
"You don't need my protection," she said.
"Is that why you think I want you to stay?" he said, "Because it's not."
"Damon, I don't need protection either. I can take care of myself," she asserted.
Damon released his grip and stood. He allowed a heavy sigh to except his lips as he turned his back to her and began to pace a bit. She didn't understand his reluctance to let her go. She knew it couldn't possibly have anything to do with her. He would have Elena, Caroline, and Rick to keep him company.
"Look, I don't want you to do the spell and I don't want you to leave. Yes, it's selfish, I know, but Bonnie, please: Don't go," he begged.
"Damon, you're going to be busy catching up and living your life with Elena. Caroline has the kids, Alaric, and the school to keep her occupied. Matt's the sheriff so he never has time for anything else. No one needs me," Bonnie said, as the frustration pain in her voice filled the room.
"This isn't about needing you," Damon insisted, "This is about wanting you."
"Damon, I've lived her all my life, and one thing has always been true: when I'm not needed, I'm not wanted," Bonnie said, sorrowfully.
Damon looked into her eyes, his expression transitioning from disbelief to heartbreak. He knew the truth of her statement, and it hurt. It hurt to see the pain on her face. It hurt to know he'd caused some of that pain. It hurt to know that she had spent the better part of her life casting spells, using magic, and risking her life for the benefit of others, who all seem to get a happy ending at her expense.
"No amount of I'm sorry will ever make up for my part in you feeling that way, Bonnie, I know. But I can't handle losing another person that I love," Damon stated.
Bonnie began to back away from him. It was too much. She often felt like nothing more than the magic wand that her friends wielded against evil time and time again. No one wanted her around without them needing her to be around. She'd fulfilled her obligation. She'd done enough and lost much more. The weight of it all became too much for her over the years.
"Damon, we'll still be friends," she noted, hoping the statement would give him some comfort.
"How the hell is that going to be possible with you traveling the world? When would we see each other?" he asked, his tone more panicked and desperate than she expected. Stefan's death had weakened him and he had no defense against the anguish.
"We'll see each other," she added, "And I promise, I'll be here for your wedding. I'm a bridesmaid after all."
Damon shook his head.
"So are you're planning on breaking the spell and leaving the next day?" he asked.
Bonnie returned to the table and picked up the spell book. She clutched it tightly to her chest as if it was a shield against her breaking heart, but she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. She'd miss him. She'd miss all of them, but she needed her own life.
"Damon, don't you think I deserve a happy ending, too?" she asked without waiting for an answer, "Well, it doesn't matter because, no matter what, I'm determined to get mine."
Bonnie began to shake. Damon noticed. He walked toward her, but she held up her hand to stop his advance. She didn't want to be comforted. She didn't want to be held. She didn't want to smell his cologne. She didn't want to feel his warmth or his heartbeat. She didn't need to think about what could have been. It didn't matter. Not anymore.
"Bonnie, I –" Damon began.
"Don't," Bonnie interrupted, "I'm doing what needs to be done."
Damon walked to Bonnie and pulled the spell book from her hands. He dropped it on the table with a loud thud. Bonnie's eyes widened. His expression showed both pain and worry. She had never seen that look on his face before and she didn't know how to interpret it.
"Damn it, I need you to listen to me, Bonnie Bennett!" a desperate Damon demanded, "I don't want you to do the spell at all!"
Bonnie's mouth fell open in shock. Over the past three years, Damon's life centered around getting Elena back so they could live out their human lives together. Bonnie saw no evidence to the contrary since he awoke from his desiccation. Sure, a small part of her saw the sudden distain he had for Enzo once he returned to Mystic Falls. She noted that Damon acted jealous whenever she spoke of or spent time with Enzo. Something changed between them that she could not identify. Something important, yet hidden from them both.
Bonnie fought countless battles over the years and usually came out of those challenges stronger than before. This felt like something she could not fight because she didn't understand it. Of course she would break the sleeping curse and leave town. That was her plan and altering it made no sense to her.
"What's wrong with you? Why wouldn't I do it? We don't have all the time in the world anymore, Damon. You're human now. Remember?" Bonnie asked.
She reached for the grimoire again, but he gently placed his hand over hers to stop Bonnie from picking it back up and continuing on her final mission in Mystic Falls.
"You're right, Bonnie: I'm human now. I know you have plenty of time to make mistakes as a vampire. As a human you don't," Damon asserted, "I don't want to make another mistake."
"Like what?" Bonnie asked.
Damon lifted her chin, locking his eyes to hers.
"Like letting you go," he told her.
Damon's words stirred something in her, but Bonnie refused to allow herself the luxury of hope. Hope had only broken her heartache time and time again. She refused to allow it to break her once more.
Bonnie backed away from him, allowing herself some distance so she could begin to think clearly. Although Vampire Damon was unable to compel the young witch, Human Damon seemed to exert a significant amount of influence. She felt more drawn to him that ever before and the sensation both terrified and excited her.
"This…this is what you always wanted, Damon," Bonnie attempted to assert with a wavering voice.
"What I always wanted was to be loved by someone who knew me, inside and out; every ugly and beautiful part. What I always wanted to be loved for who I am and who I wanted to be. I think I forgot that as a vampire, but I remembered it as a human," Damon explained.
He closed the distance between them, then lifted her up onto the table so that she could easily look him in the eye.
"But…Elena –" Bonnie began. Damon placed a finger to her lips.
"Elena fell for the vampire that made life interesting, then she wanted to change me into everything except that. But you, Bonnie Bennett, always saw the human in me; the man I used to be. You didn't want me to be a better man for you. You just believed there was a better man already inside of me," he pointed out.
Bonnie looked away from him in disbelief. Damon used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a falling tear.
"But, you love her," she said, fighting back a sob.
Damon shook his head.
"I think a part of me did," Damon said, pulling her close to his chest and placing his forehead against hers, "But being human has given me a broader perspective than more than a century and a half of being a vampire."
"Well, coming back from the dead more than once has given me perspective too, and I know I can't waste the one life I have left," she explained.
Damon leaned in, placing his lips next to her left ear before he spoke.
"Then spend it with me," he whispered.
Damon lifted her chin and cautiously pressed his lips to hers. He waited for her to respond, and once the shock wore off, she did. Bonnie's lips parted slowly as she kissed him back. His right thumb stroked her jawline as the kiss deepened and became laced with longing and an emerging passion. Bonnie began to tingle from head to toe, but it had nothing to do with the magic that flowed within her. This was something more elemental than magic. It was love.
"Please tell me you're sure," she said, looking into his blue eyes.
"You don't need to cast a spell to bring back the woman I love," he assured her, "You're already here."
