Note: This is only a start, but I was so excited and hopeful for this story that I had to publish just what I started. As someone who struggles with multiple mental illnesses, this story is my outlet for my personal experiences in characters, and in hopes to reach out to a community to support and be supported. Please enjoy and share your story if you please! Nothing is more comforting than knowing there are others going through similar things.

Maya's POV

*September 8, 2:06 a.m*

I'm awake though it's not quite dawn, and my thoughts are turning in my head and emotions are tumbling in body, causing panic to arise in my chest. I'm not sure where or why this is coming from, but the thought of it getting worse, or even throwing up is making me more anxious. Any normal day, not just in the middle of the night, it comes as a wolf in sheep's clothing, no look, no warning, then Boom! You're feeling paralyzed, and for a lack of a better phrase , "Like a chicken with its head cut off."

Anxiety has no "look"; It's not just hyperventilating, pacing, sweating, heart palpitations, or just physical. It's spacing out, distant starring, an uneasy sense of not being able to bury the panic when you're out in panic. And it's not just panic attacks. It's always, constant burst of energy in my body, feeling on edge all while feeling emotionally and physically exhausted at the same time. Panic attacks are the worst, and you can't push them down, sometimes an overwhelming sense of nausea. Panic attacks are just the most extreme form, like when I can't get a grip on anything and it feels like everything is spiraling from my control. Their when my anxiety is becoming so overwhelming that I feel like i'm suffocating.

No, I can't "Just calm down", or wish it away. It's not for attention, it's not for your pity, and I don't want to hear how you calm yourself down when you feel "Anxious". I want a friend, not a pity party. Someone to sit beside me just to keep me company, not give me unsolicited advice on how your mom's cousin is on meds and they're working miracles, or how you had a "mini panic attack" one time. Tell me that you're there for me, making me aware that you're here for me, that thought you don't know how i'm feeling, you understand it's not my fault and beyond my control. Worst of all, don't compare your experiences to mine. All i'm looking for is a friend, and so far, Riley is the best friend I could ask for.

When I distance myself, she's understanding. She knows it's not her fault, my fault, anyone's. It's the fact that i'm having trouble maintaining and control emotions. All I ever could need is for someone like Riley. But unfortunately, she thinks this is just a "Phase", that i'm just a little more closed off than usual. She has no idea that for the past six months, i've been seeking professional help.