Title: Slipping Away
Author: laurenxx3 (iheartcallietorres on ff)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Callie isn't happy about Arizona moving to Africa. This is set during 7x06, after Arizona accepts the grant but before Callie decided to go with her. Their "discussions" on the topic. Most likely a one-shot.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes/ABC. I don't own anything. Any similarities to real life situations/persons are purely coincidental. Not for profit; for entertainment purposes only.
A/N: I have absolutely NO medical knowledge beyond what I see/hear on Grey's Anatomy, so forgive me of any medical-related errors. Also, this is un-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine. Please let me know if you come across any, but I'm pretty OCD about grammar and spelling, so there shouldn't be too many mistakes. As always, comments are much appreciated (and will encourage me to write more fics in the future - *hint, hint*).
A/N2: Since we don't know anything about the Carter Madison Grant other than that it's taking Arizona to Africa, I'm using creative license with the details of the grant (specific location, length of time, etc). If details about the grant are specified in 7x07 or beyond, I will not change what I have in this fic. I apologize ahead of time if my creative license does not match Shondaland reality when it comes to the Carter Madison Grant. Also, this is a lot, umm, angstier than most of my fics. I'm just in an angsty mood, so this is the product. If I do write more chapters (and that's a huge IF), it'll probably turn out happy and lovey dovey, but not for now.
[Callie's POV]
"Why can't you just be happy for me?"
The question echoed though my mind all day since our heated encounter in the lounge this morning. We'd been interrupted by Alex and the damn camera crew. I'd never been so grateful for the interruption. I was on the verge of telling Arizona just how unhappy I was for her.
I opened the refrigerator door angrily and it slammed against the wall with a resounded thud. It did nothing to diminish my frustration. The frustration that I knew was unfair to Arizona, which made me even more frustrated at myself.
I grabbed a bottle of water and twisted off the cap, taking several gulps of the cold water.
Arizona was due to be home any minute, so I prepared myself mentally to continue the "discussion" she and I had started in the lounge earlier. I know she was upset with me. I can't really blame her, but I also can't help being upset myself. I shouldn't have to explain why.
Right on cue, I heard a key in the door and it swung open. I took another drink of water in order to avoid Arizona's gaze, which I knew was filled with hurt and anger.
"You never answered me," she said, immediately pulling off her jacket and tossing it along with her purse and keys onto the chair. She faced me, hands planted firmly on her hips. Her posture told me she was primed for a fight.
I swallowed the water and placed the plastic bottle on the counter with a lot more calmness than I felt on the inside. I finally met her gaze. "What was the question?" I asked, stalling. I knew what she referring to. The same question that had been reverberating though my head all day.
Arizona raised her eyebrows and took several steps forward until she stood in front of me, the counter between us acting as a buffer. For the moment, I was thankful for that distance.
"Why can't you just be happy for me?" Arizona asked for the second time that day. "Do you realize how big this is? How many kids I can save?"
I clenched my teeth and took a deep breath to allow myself to think before speaking, a trait I've only acquired since Arizona came into my life. "I get it, Arizona," I said slowly, forcing my voice to remain steady and unwavering. "I do. It's fucking amazing. And I'm proud of you, I really am." A small smile played across my lips. "My girlfriend is a recipient of a Carter Madison Grant." My smiled suddenly disappeared, replaced by a grave expression. I rolled my lips inward to stop the whimper that struggled to escape. "Only, when you leave," I continued slowly, "you won't be my girlfriend anymore." My eye welled as those words rolled begrudgingly off my tongue.
Arizona's angered expression turned to one of confusion. "
I stared at her incuriously. "Are you serious? Arizona, you were freaking out about a long distance relationship between here and Portland. Africa is on the other side of the friggen world. Ten thousand miles is pretty long distance."
"That was before," Arizona tried to rationalize. "We'd just started dating."
"And it's different now?" I questioned unbelievingly.
"Of course it is!" Arizona insisted. "I can come back to visit and you can come to me-"
I rolled my eyes and groaned in frustration. "What? A weekend a month for the next five years? Possibly longer? So I get to see you a total of 120 days over the next five years? Do you know how fucking insane I'd go? To have you, but not be able to talk to you every day? Sleep next to you every night?" I lost the battle with my tears and one slipped down my cheek. I swiped it away angrily with the back of my hand. I notice it was trembling. I sniffled. "I thought… I thought we were happy. We just moved in together. I have… had… this idea in my head. This perfect, ideal plan that in a year or two, we'd get married, move into a house, and… and I'd finally have that forever kind of love, you know?"
"Calliope-"
"I know that this is an incredible opportunity," I said, not allowing her to speak. "I know that, and I know that I'm being a bitch to even think like this, but I can't help it. No, I don't want you to go and no, I can't 'just be happy for you.'" My eyes pleaded with her. "How could be happy about something that takes you away from me?" My voice was barely audible for the last statement, cracking on the last word.
I saw Arizona swallow hard, drawing in a slow, deep breath. I wasn't sure if she were trying to control anger or sadness. She licked her lips and seemed to be contemplating her response. Her eyes never left mine as she thought. "How could I turn it down?"
I was silent for nearly a minute, just looking at the woman I loved more than anyone. The woman I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. The woman who'd promised forever just a few months ago. The woman who held my metaphysical heart in her hands. The woman who had the sole power to rip that heart to pieces.
I shook my head slowly, barely moving. "I don't know," I whispered. I looked down at the countertop, tracing the marble pattern with my index finger, feeling the smooth coolness. "I just… don't want to be broken again." I met her gaze again. "But I can't stop you. And I can't ask you to turn it down. Not for me."
"Calliope," she started. "I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone. And I hate that this is happening. You have to know how much I hate this. You have to know how much I hate that I have to leave."
"I should be used to it by now," I said sarcastically, feeling the frustration reclaim my emotions. "People always leave me."
I immediately regretted allowing the words to tumble past my lips. I didn't feel like explaining them. I didn't feel I should have to.
Confusion marred her face, several deep ridges forming on her otherwise perfect forehead.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice quiet and almost meek, as opposed to the acute anger present on her tongue just minutes ago.
"I…" My voice trailed off. I bit my lip, then shook my head. My eyes closed tightly, my fists clenched tight at my sides. "Nothing. I… I should go. I told Mark, Derek and Owen I'd meet them at Joe's to celebrate our breakthrough surgery that you've yet to congratulate me on where I was a fucking rock star." I grabbed my leather jacket and walked out the door before she could stop me.
The door shut behind me with a soft click, the sound like a bullet to the chest. I laughed bitterly at the irony of my metaphor. The shooting is what had brought us back together. Now I wished I'd never been stuck on the same floor as Arizona. Maybe then I wouldn't be falling apart for a second time, only it was time ten times worse than the last time. Last time, I'd never given up hope that we'd get back together. This time, though, it seemed like there was no hope.
I felt my love slipping away. Again. Fuck.
