A/N: This just popped into my head one night while I was watching NCIS, it actually came from me wanting to slap McGee. He is really annoying me this season but I'm not sure why. This will probably be two chapters.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with NCIS, but I really want Michael Weatherly.
It was early on Monday morning and Anthony DiNozzo wasn't happy to be in work when he was supposed to have the day off. His ninja was down with Abby in her lab, McGee was nowhere to be seen and he was left to do the paperwork from their previous case. No one realised just how much work he really did - his own and all of Gibbs', then he had to check over Ziva and McGee's. He sometimes wondered if it was worth it - doing all of the work and getting none of the credit - just labeled as an immature playboy who wanted to have a good time and goof off.
At 7:30am McGee strolled into the bullpen with his coat slung over his arm and a huge grin on his face. Tony looked up at him and returned to his paperwork.
"Good morning Tony," McGee chirped, " How are you today?"
Tony looked up and glared at McGee, "Oh, I'm just brilliant Probie, " he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, " So nice of you to join us. I'm guessing by the stupid look on your face that you finally lost your virginity. Well I hope it was very special for you, but some of us have been here for two hours doing paperwork because we actually care about our jobs. So forgive me if I am not so cheery this morning."
McGee's face dropped, but he recovered quickly, "Tony, I know that you must be jealous that I actually have a sex life. I mean you and Ziva have been together for what a year now? And you live together, all romance and excitement is dead. So your sex life it dead aswell," He walked over to Tony and patted his shoulder, "Don't worry about it, it happens to all relationships eventually."
Tony laughed and stood up. Walking over to McGee he asked,"I have no sex life? Oh you would be amazed McVirgin. Seriously, how many times did you have sex in February? Because I bet it was a lot less than me."
McGee began to get defensive and crossed his arms, "That is none of your business, DiNozzo. I don't have to tell you how many women i've slept with."
Tony laughed, "Oh you can include the men aswell, and if you think that you have a better sex life than me then it won't be a problem will it McGee?"
"Six women, eight times in total." McGee mumbled.
Tony laughed. Hard. " Well McGee, that is a very good number - for you. I have sex with Ziva about five times a week and that doesn't include groping in closets or anything else like that. But eight times is still very good for you."
"Well then that explains it, thats why you two are still together," McGee smirked,"personally, I thought you went after Ziva because of a midlife crisis, but now I see it's because of the sex. You don't do commitment but you do sex."
Tony slammed his chair back into the partition wall and stalked towards McGee with a furious look on his face," You do not know me Tim. You don't know Ziva either. I don't care how smart you are or that you went to Johns-Hopkins and got a degree. You know nothing about Ziva and I. We are happy together. I love her. I am not with her for sex," he growled,"You are jealous, you think that you should have a woman in your life. Well guess what McGee, life isn't fair. You take the hand your dealt and you don't shit over everyone elses lives when you aren't happy with your own."
McGee stood up to full height and squared his shoulders,"I'm just saying what everyone is thinking Tony. You don't deserve her, and you certainly don't love her. You love yourself, sex and your car."
Tony snarled and backed McGee into his chair, "I am going to say this once Probie, so listen good. I love Ziva. I love my car and yes I love sex and my hair aswell by the way because unlike you McBalding I still have all of mine left. But nothing compares to how much I love Ziva. Ziva makes me happy. Her smile her laugh, her hair, even thinking about her makes me smile. She scares me sometimes and makes me laugh. She is so beautiful and smart and maybe I don't deserve her but I have her and I'm never letting go. I can't live without her. You are jealous, I understand that, I've been there before, but you do not take it out on me. I don't care if you are alone and the money from the book has ran out. You drink yourself into depression for a month then get your life back on track. You do not alienate your friends."
Tony stood up and walked towards the elevator. He slammed his fist against the button. The doors opened and he walked in. All he could think about was what McGee had said, "I thought you went after Ziva because of a midlife crisis, but now I see it's because of the sex." Did everyone think that? Did Ziva think that? No, she couldn't, could she. She knows I love her, I tell her everyday. She knows how much I love her, that I can't live with out her. Doesn't she?
A/N: Over 1,000 words in a chapter, never done that before :) I'm in a good mood now :) Please review. There will be another chapter published the day after this one.
