Hi everyone! I'm so sorry it's been, like, a mont since I updated but I just got back from camp. But anyways, here's a oneshot about Piggy, Ralph, Simon, Roger, Jack, Samneric, and Maurice (so basically the mentionable characters from Lord of the Flies) playing some good ol' fashion D&D!
DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT WILLIAM GOLDING AND I DON'T OWN LORD OF THE FLIES. KAPEESH? GOOD.
"So, I'm glad you can all make it to Dungeons and Dragons," Piggy began. He, Ralph, Simon, Roger, Jack, Maurice, and Samneric were all sitting in a circle (in that order, oddly enough…).
"I don't wanna play your gay game!" Jack complained.
"Hey, how do you know if Dungeons and Dragons is gay or not?" Ralph snickered.
"Well Piggy likes it, so it must be!" Jack and Roger started cracking up. Piggy just sighed and shook his head.
"Anyways, it's a roleplaying game—"
"See, it already sounds gay," Jack muttered.
"JACK SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ralph shouted.
"Ralph stop being a buzzkill!"
"NEVER!"
"Guys this is besides the point! So everyone has to have a character. Each character has a race and a class."
"Does that mean Simon has to be black in the game as well as in real life?"
"Ok we are not stooping to telling racist jokes!"
"I don't mind what race I am," Simon shyly looked at his feet because he's shy and stuff.
"Ok, you can be an elf, a half elf—"
"Half elf half what?"
"Half human. You can also be a human, dwarf, halfling, gnome, or ogre. You can also be a dark elf and that kind of stuff but I don't think you guys are smart enough to understand that."
"No, I understand perfectly. You mean a black elf, right?"
"Jack shut up!" Piggy sighed and rubbed his temple.
"Okay, I'll just assign races. Roger, you can be an elf. Samneric can be ogres-"
"Wait-"
"So-"
"Simon-"
"Isn't-"
"Black-"
"But-"
"We're-"
"Still twins?"
"Yes. And you also finish each other's thoughts."
"Aw…"
"Simon, you can be a human, Ralph is a dwarf, Maurice is a dwarf, and Jack is a gnome."
"That's stupid."
"Maurice, you're stupid!"
"Yeah, you're right…"
"If I'm a dwarf, do I have a lot of chest hair?"
"No, you're a girl,"
"WHAT?"
"Just like in real life!" Ralph joked.
"RALPH SHUT UP!"
"Naaah…"
"Great! We're all happy with our races! Now let's pick classes!"
"What's a class?"
"It's what you do in your spare time! Kind of like a job, but it's based around your reputation and what you do!"
"Does that mean I can be a pimp?"
"No! Jack if you keep making ridiculous comments you can't play!"
"Aw…"
"Ralph, shut up. Classses can include wizards, fighters, you know, like soldiers kind of, rogues, that kind of thing."
"What's a rogue?" Roger asked glumly because he's a dark child.
"A rogue is someone who steals from others and is sneaky."
"Like a ninja?"
"Yes, Roger, like a ninja."
"I'll be a rogue."
"Great. Roger's a rogue."
"I wanna kill people!" Jack said with an excited look on his face.
"Spectacular. You can be a barbarian."
"Can I be a fairy?"
"No, Maurice, you can't be a fairy. I'll make you a paladin."
"So now I'm Aladdin?"
"No, you're a paladin! Like a knight!"
"Cool…"
"Simon, what do you want to be?"
"Can I be a druid?"
"How do you know what a druid is?"
"I've played Dungeons and Dragons before…"
"Wizard. You is a druid."
"Ok there's Piggy's terrible grammar. I didn't think it'd come back."
"Jack…"
"Fine, I'll shut up."
"Ralph can be a wizard because he's so wizard."
"That's weird. Stop crushing on me."
"No."
"RALPH'S MIIIINNNNNEEE BITCH!"
"Jack shut up!" Piggy crossed his incredibly fat arms.
"So is that everyone?"
"No, we skipped Samneric."
"Okay. They can be-"
"No!"
"I-"
"Want-"
"To-"
"Be-"
"Something-"
"Other-"
"Than-"
"What-"
"My-"
"Brother-"
"Is!"
"Fine. Sam can be a cleric and Eric can be a ranger. Happy?"
"But I wanted to be the cleric!"
"Oh my god Eric you're both basically the same person! Just stick with your role!"
"Fine."
"Now does everyone know what they are?"
"I'm a rogue."
"I'm a druid."
"I'm a pimp."
"No you're not, Jack."
"Fine, I'm a barbarian."
"I'm a wizard."
"I'm a paladin."
"I'm a cleric."
"I'm a ranger."
"And I'm the dungeon master," Piggy smiled evily. "Now let's start! You'll each decide on what you want to do each turn and I'll decide if you succeed by rolling the dice. So, on to the story: an adventure group made up of a rogue, druid, barbarian, wizard, paladin, cleric, and ranger went out on a journey because the people of where they came from said there was a council of spirits that hides a very valuable treasure," he said as he passed out character sheets for everyone.
"Cool."
"So, at the moment you are on your way to Embress City. You are on a moor with a few gorse bushes scattered around here and there. You notice a small city up ahead."
"What can we see?" Simon asked timidly.
"Nothing really. Maybe a few taverns; it looks like a small village. But you can't exactly make out what it's made up of."
"Cool. Can I make my move?"
"Sure, Jack, I was planning on going in a circle but—"
"Awesome! I want to take out my huge-ass sword that I apparently have and kill you!"
"You can't kill me, I'm the Dungeon Master."
"Psht, so? I could kill you in real life!"
"You can't kill me because I'm not in the game!"
"Well why are you here, then?"
"To narrate the story!"
"Oh…"
"Yeah, I bet you feel real dumb now!"
"Can I go?"
"Yes, Roger, you can go."
"Can I make a perception check? I'm a rogue, so apparently I'm perceptive, and I wanna see if there's anything in the bushes I can kill."
"Alright!" Piggy picked up a twenty sided die and rolled it. An eighteen came up on the die.
"You're in luck! You take out your binoculars—"
"What am I, bird watching? Give me a stephescope!"
"Fine. You take out your stephescope and notice a rustling in a few bushes. All of a sudden five goblins pop out of their hiding spots! What do you want to do?"
"I want to take one of my knives and throw it at a goblin."
"Alright!" Piggy rolled the die to find Roger's fate. A seventeen appeared on the die. "You hit, now we have to roll a different die to see how much dammage you caused." Piggy rolled again with a three sided die. A three came up. "Three hit points were taken away from one goblin. It's now my turn since I control all the monsters. The goblin that was attacked by Roger runs up to him with a spiked club. However, Roger steps out of the way and the goblin hits Eric instead. Now let's roll to see how much damage I dealt," Piggy rolled the die again. "Three. Eric's stomach is now bleeding. It's Simon's turn."
"I want to use my shortobow and fire an arrow at the goblin that Roger attacked."
"Great. You fire your bow and it hits the goblin in the forehead. It dies," Simon and Roger high-fived at their victory. "Okay, the second goblin is down. The third goblin takes out a blowgun and shoots it at Jack. It misses."
"YEAH BUDDY!"
"Anyways, let's continue…"
I've decided to make this a story with chapters instead of a oneshot. Review please/
