1
It's hard living in a world where you just don't fit in.
Growing up gay sucks, expecially adolescense when it's a time of particular anxiety and fear.
Hiding in the shadows of society..
People think i am self-absorbed or hateful because i don't share my story right away, in particular i do not socialize. People think i am depressed but i really do enjoy staying on my own, proababbly because no one understands me. No one around me knows the difference between introvert and shy. Even my own parents, even my little brother. Might be because i never gave them the chance to know me good enough and have judgemental opinion.
It all started in my childhood when i realized that i was in love with my best friend.
Coming from a fameous and rich family, has it's own pros and cos. Finances are enough for whatever you desire but along with that comes jealousity and madness. Madness of possesing.
The Uchiha's, my family's surname, were ceaselessly competing with the Senju. The Senju's where my closest friend comes from. So in general, it ment that we were kind of enemies i guess?
I remember that we'd always hide from our parents and play together even if we know the danger we are putting eachother in. But it was really enjoyable doing things together. I felt as if he was the only one understanding me, without judging. Eventhough he didn't know my sexual orentation, not that i knew it. It came slowly... as time passed i had realized my real feelings towards him but never confessed. Because i was scared.
I was scared that he'd reject me, laugh at me, humiliate me.
So i slowly started to ignore him and stray away.
You know, one of our family members was gay and once he confessed, it was as if they erased him being an Uchiha. That scared and provoced me to hide me deepest secret even more.
Few times he tried to contact me by searching me in the town and particulary in our hood, so ultimately our families finally found out about the relationship we were having.
I think i was about 14 when dad came in my room as i was doing my homework and asked me if i know that Senju boy.
Knowing what argument would be followed i denied, lying to him and myself. But fooling my feelings wasn't an easy thing, not even now.
Eventually we ended up in the same highschool and things didn't turn out good. Both of our little brothers study along with us and there would pass no day without a fight between them. Tobirama, my "ex-best friend"'s brother doesen't like me at all, probablly because he can sense i am gay? Not that i like him back either, he's way too arrogant and mean towards everyone.
My crush had brown hair that became almost reddish on the sunrays and was styled into a redicilous hairstyle, trim dished one?. With going into teenage years, he grew it out long. His chocolate brown eyes are as recless and bright as always, even of the obstacles he had faced due to responsibilities of an eldest brother. I know them very good because i am one myself. You have to be responsible, reliable, hardworking, strict, wise enough and many more. It really sucks. You have to be the example for the younger ones.
But what example could i be being a gay?
Stupid.
To be honest, i don't look like gay. I am kinda muscular and manly. There are few girls that like me and one that's inlove with me. But you know, you don't choose your sexual orientation. You're born with it, and it sucks when you have to hide it.
Anyways.
Right now i am 18 and there's one year left to finish higschool. I plan on studying History in collegue.
Most of my time at school i'd spend at the library, reading Historical books. Legends, ancient cultrues and nations are my passion. Because if you don't know your history, then you're like a leaf that doesen't know it's roots, right?
No one comes to the library and i feel fine by my own. I am not bothered by anyone, it's quiet and cousy. Sometimes dimmed but i like the atmosphere.
My name is Madara Uchiha.
And my crush name is...
Hashirama Senju.
Even after 8 years of knowing him and 5 more of rejection, i still have the same feelings towards him and it's killing me.
Because there's a girl from my class that he's inlove with.
Mito Uzumaki.
A redhead beauty that comes from the third rich and fameous familiy. The Uzumaki's.
The combination of forest green eyes and long ginger hair makes her really attractive. I do have to admit.
Sometimes impulsive and daring i don't know why Hashirama would like her so much. Maybe because of looks?
Not that i care.
I don't want even to think of it.
Because it hurts.
It really hurts.
But what can i do about it?
So yea,
im secretly being a gay.
And my crush has chocolate-brown eyes.
Hello, Please a review wherher you like the idea.
I was inspired by few posts on tumblr about gays and i felt so pity, i coulndn't imaigine their life and what they have to struggle with daily.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Stay tuned. muah*
