The fiery Celtic princess stood on the hill above hogwarts, her majestic blond curls blowing in the breeze, her beautiful sparkling blue eyes flooded with happy tears. She lifted the flower in her hand to her pert little nose, inhaling deeply. Somewhere in the background some asshole was playing a Celtic Woman album.

Her arm fell to her side, and the flower drifted to the ground. Fíona was wild and untamed, her aim in life to live wild and let her hair flow in the wind. She picked up her bow and nocked an arrow, drew back, and let it go with a twang. It flew...it careened off to the side and into the forest behind her. She pretended it landed majestically in the lake. Who cared about shooting mermaids and endangered species? Her soulful mien was disturbed by a screech from the forest.

"WHAT THE F-!"

Fíona turned gracefully.

A furious Professor Snape was limping out of the trees at speed, an arrow in his thigh, his herb collecting bag slung over his shoulders. "YOU MORON! YOU BLOODY SHOT ME! SWEAR DOWN I'M GONNA MURDER YOU!"

"Professor!" Fiona said, her voice tinkling in the breeze. "Dear Severus! We were meant to be together! When we marry, you will be a totally different person! I'll show you how to connect to your softer side! It's meant to be!"

"AVADA KEDAVRA."

Severus Snape sneered down at the body of the Fiery Celtic Princess. Somewhere in the background thunderous applause could be heard, from every rational being in the universe.

The professor turned his attention back to his speared thigh. "This arrow better not be dipped in love potion," he muttered, curling his lip. "Then again, if it was, that little psychopath would still be alive. So that's alright then." He waved his hand around wildly as if being attacked by a wasp. Of love. He would still get a checkup when he got back to the castle, just in case. You could never be too careful when it came to rabid OC's.