She hated him; hated the warmth of his chest pressed soundly to her back at night, hated his teasing drawl that sent shivers down the length of her spine when it whispered just the right words against her flushed skin, hated his little touches, kisses, the simple steadiness he now provided that left her feeling empty and unsettled when it was snapped away in just one day.
One phone call from the LAPD, an order Bates followed by a nod from Hetty and he was gathering up his bag, barely having two seconds to kiss her lightly, whispering an "I love you" and a promise to be back soon.
Soon had turned to five weeks of days spent listening to the senior agents endless banter, Callen pestering his partner until the man admitted begrudgingly to missing the shaggy haired Detective, the statement immediately followed up by a glance to Kensi and a muttering of "Don't tell him." "No promises," she quipped then, smirking and lifting her eyebrows, dreading another night where the only warmth in her bed came from Monty, the old dog offering companionship while missing Deeks nearly as much as Kensi.
And she hated him for flipping her life around, for filling her home and her life so much that she felt cold without him, desperately wishing for his voice in her ear and arms around her waist again.
Five weeks too long, still not comparing to the five months no so long ago, five months that almost broke her, broke them, though now, now everything was different; they were different, stronger, better and dammit she'd get through this brief hiatus, handle the long days until he held her again. Because that was just what she needed, needed him, needed a way to ignore his absence.
The sudden motion of Sam pulling out his partner's chair beside her jerked Kensi's eyes away from her screen, the endless amounts of paperwork forcing her thoughts away from her missing everything, but creating an itch for a Sig in her hands, the smell of gunpowder in the air; the combined emotions making for hours spent in the firing range, even dragging Nell down from Ops for challenges that did little to distract her mind from it's current dilemma.
"Work is slow," Sam commented from her side, almost copying her thoughts as he nodded to her screen, hands fisted together between his knees.
"Yeah." Mimicking his position and tugging in a deep breath that did nothing to calm her nerves at the conversation he was sure to initiate, she nodded.
"Kensi.." he started with a sigh, fingers releasing each other to rub briefly over his head. "I know that he's-"
"He's gone," Kensi cut through his stuttered words. "He's gone, but he's coming back and he'll quit with the damn LAPD like he promised he would, and this won't make anything go faster."
Cocking his head in a sideways nod, Sam smirked. "Touchè." And Kensi didn't have to force the grin that spread across her lips, the simple word that had somehow become "theirs" calling back a thousand good memories.
"Okay," Kensi whispered, turning back towards her desk, her index finger rubbing over the touch pad.
"But I'm no stranger to long missions, Kensi," he interrupted, holding back further words until her eyes moved back to his, finding them persistent and surprisingly understanding.
"You know I think Deeks is rubbing off on you; he doesn't shut up either."
Huffing a scoff that resembled a laugh, Sam smirked, the curl of his lips not reaching his eyes. "I don't have a lot of experience in your place. Michelle, she knows it well. Too well probably."
Digging her teeth into her lower lip, she nodded, barely managing to comprehend the fear she went through now was the same as Michelle's every day when she watched her husband move through the front door, never truly knowing if he'd come back through it.
"Maybe I should be talking to her then."
"Maybe you should be," he admitted, his gaze staying steadily on his fingers, clasped loosely together again between his thighs. "But I know the other side of it. Doesn't get easier, being away."
"I miss him," she murmured, the words slipping from her tongue for the first time, but she made no attempt to grab them back, no more games, even if he was missing.
"We all do." Shrugging, Sam passed a smile, the expression reaching his brown eyes. "Deeks is annoying as hell, but-"
"I got it," Kensi broke in, a full smile touching her lips.
Pulling in a deep breath as he heaved himself up from the chair, Sam paused, laying a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. "Just - he misses you, too."
Watching the older man make his way to the gym, muttering under his breath about Callen, Kensi nodded, the smile lining her face softer. "I know.
Monty was curled at her toes, the old dog watching her mournfully, whether for the chicken she was stuffing into her mouth on huge forkfuls, or for the lack of Deeks beside them, the Detective tossing him bits of dinner and laughing when the dog would practically purr in response.
"Nope," she shook her head when he whimpered lightly, nuzzling against her ankle. "We're not thinking about him tonight."
The dog huffed, curling into a ball to stare at her, dark, sad eyes seemingly mocking her and screaming "Good luck with that."
Reaching out, she rubbed gently at his head, curling her fingers in the scruffy fur of his neck and holding on tight, hissing internally when she found herself craving the feel of Deeks behind of her, arms around her torso, chin dropped on her shoulder, voice teasing her until she found a way to shut it up.
"Shut up," she growled, both to herself and the ever present drawl in her mind, Monty poking his nose up to gaze at her, round eyes concerned. Fishing the last bite of greasy chicken from her carton, she held it to the dog, smirking when he lapped it quickly from her fingers, pink tongue eagerly licking away the grease.
"Good job." Patting his head again, Kensi pulled her legs away from him, scooping up the carton from the coffee table on her way up from the couch, gripping it tightly as she grinned at the dog, knowing that the hair that covered the couch would also have a fine layer on the bed, Deeks always less than excited to have the dog up on the mattress. "Let's get rid of the arrow," she murmured to the mutt who only grunted in return, tucking his nose under a front paw as her mismatched eyes moved to the light-up monstrosity he'd insisted on bringing to the new house.
Moving into the kitchen and dumping the carton into the trash, Kensi scrubbed her fork clean, hesitating by the sink briefly to consider gathering up Monty and heading to her place, the bed there not so filled with his scent, memories of a different kind possibly letting her sleep well.
She shook the idea off before it could begin to take root; this was her home, had become so in the months he'd lived here, her clothes hanging in his closet, her father's medal taking up residence in the nightstand, her knickknacks lining the shelves; the apartment was in her name, this was in her heart.
He was crouched on the living room beside the couch when she emerged from the kitchen, fingers knotted in the same fur on Monty's neck she'd held just minutes before, his free hand scratching behind the dog's ears.
"He's a pathetic guard dog," she murmured, leaning against the doorway for support as she attempted to connect reality and the vision before her. "Just lets intruders in."
"My house." Deeks replied easily, grinning like she hadn't seen his smile in more than a month. "My dog."
Biting her bottom lip sharply to conceal her growing smile, Kensi took a stumbling step forward, laying her palms gently on his chest, fingering his rough, green jacket carefully, savoring the feel of him under her hands again. "You're back."
"I'm back," he agreed, palms finding her hips almost subconsciously, index fingers slipping beneath the hem of her cotton tee shirt to caress the soft skin he encountered, his eyes moving over her face and body rapidly, memorizing all the details he'd forgotten, every line and curve that had flicked through his mind when even that was a risk to his cover.
Pushing out the sigh of relief that had been building inside her lungs for weeks, she gripped his jacket tightly, her free hand flying up to fist in the soft curls at the nape of his neck - shorter than when she'd last seen it - and tugged him down easily, Deeks offering little resistance as he covered her mouth with his, his hand holding firmly to her hips while hers flew everywhere; clutching his shirt, jerking roughly at his belt, and curling in his hair, desperate to have him again, all of him, all around her.
"You missed me." He smirked against her lips, mouth never truly separating from hers as he maneuvered them towards the stairs, one arm tight around her waist, the other pulling the elastic from her hair carefully, sighing when her dark tresses flowed freely around her face.
"I did," she mumbled, hands holding tightly to the cotton of his shirt, jacket lost sometime in the haze that had consumed her.
"Not as much as I missed you," he quipped, a hand sliding down the line of her back.
"One-upper."
He laughed, his lips finding hers easily and hands lifting her into his arms, reveling in the feel of her being in them, shaking with need as she ignored the potential of any words, falling deeper into him and falling apart against him, quivering and releasing his name in shuddering breaths, praying he'd never leave her embrace again.
The soft flutter of his lips against her throat roused her gently from the sleep; the warm press of his body behind hers, his arm wrapped secured around her slender waist lulling Kensi into a state of complete contentment, desperate, for the first time in five weeks to stay in bed, stay inside the comforting embrace of the man she loved instead of daring to move from under the blankets of her bed.
Leaning fully back into his hold, savoring the light scratch of his scruff on her shoulder blade, Kensi gripped his forearm, stretching her legs out luxuriously beneath the comforter, her senses overwhelmed with the feel of him right up against her.
"Morning, Sunshine," he practically crooned, his cheesy line and tone dripping with Marty Deeks charm letting her snort, twisting in his solid embrace and sliding a leg between his, her right hand settling on his chest, thumb stroking over the smooth skin.
Her eyes rolling in feigned displeasure, Kensi rocked back slightly on the old mattress, the fingers of her free hand lifting to caress a bruise marking his jaw, the gesture uncharacteristically tender as she reveled in the feel of his scuff against her fingertips, briefly tempted to lift her head and kiss the wound, only head back by her distaste to upset their easy position.
"You woke me up."
"Only because you wanted to see me."
"I hate you," she growled lightly, pressing closer against him.
"You missed me," he retorted.
"Not as much as Sam." Shaking her head, she pulled a serious expression, focusing on his throat. "Didn't shut up about you."
"Hmm," he hummed, nodding. "I always knew I was growing on him."
"Now that you're home, you can tell him," she murmured, sliding forward to nestled her head against his chest, tucking it beneath his chin.
"Because he'll love that," Deeks drawled from above her.
Draping an arm low across his waist, she smirked, reveling in the feel of his skin against hers, fighting back the multitude of emotions battling for dominance.
Now that we're both home.
