"This is the last place I want to be," he muttered, his voice muffled by the static-y connection from the public toilet he was in.
Kaneki's laugh tinkled through and he instantly felt twenty times better.
"You're so over-dramatic Hide. It's a wedding," obvious amusement was leaking through his every word.
"It's so- so suffocating," he wailed, knocking his leg against the wall and making the precariously balanced toilet roll topple to the floor. He fumbled with his phone, trying to keep it pressed against his ear while saving it.
No luck. It rolled away, separated from the awkward other cubicle boundary.
"You said there were nice desserts, you like those."
It's true, Kaneki's reasoning was perfectly reasonable. He loved desserts. He loved desserts enough to not care about much else.
He sighed.
He didn't know why he was trying so hard to make excuses and not spend time with his relatives and friends and everyone he basically knew. This wedding had been a big deal in the Nagachika house-hold for a while and while there were people waiting outside to dance with him and stuff he was holed up in the male toilets, making unreasonably expensive international phone calls.
"I do like those," he admitted unreasonably.
Kaneki 'hmm-ed' in response, busy from all the background noise he could hear. Pots clanked and he settled on him cooking.
"What you making good-looking?" he tried, trying to lighten the mood.
"Actually shut up," Kaneki scoffed immediately, and Hide could imagine him now. Phone against his ear pressed into his shoulder, bustling around the kitchen. Music on in the background, some book waiting to be read.
He rarely used the TV unless Hide was around, unless it was for the news or some sad opera thing.
"Hide, why are you even calling? Shouldn't you be with your family?"
He had been waiting for it- The inevitable concern.
He clutched the phone tighter, trying to untangle his thoughts.
He cleared his throat.
"I may miss you."
There wasn't a lie in that. He was filled to the brim with longing, melancholy, and maybes.
Probably the two glasses of wine too, that were making him soft and sad.
"We talked a few hours ago," he could hear the smile, the shy smile- the one that was all understanding and surprise. He could hear it in the gentle tone of his voice.
"The wedding is nice and all- and everything- It's just a bit much- I don't want to know about my cousins becoming doctors or engineers, or who they're marrying, and I don't want to face the 'girl-friend' talk- Like fuck Kaneki there's so much girlfriend talk- And they all want to dance and my mom's just like 'It's been a while since you mentioned a pretty girl you liked Hide, we think Kotori is pretty,' and my uncle who I haven't seen since I was thirteen was just talking about some boring literature thing and all I could think of was you. And I- Then Aiko and Miyu- you know Miyu- just ambushed me, trying to get me to dance- and fuck I don't want to dance Kaneki-"
He took in a shaky breath, wondering that whether he had said too much. Had he made sense?
Had Kaneki understood that tug in his heart everytime he had to call Kaneki his friend?
Understood the itch in his skin every time someone talked about the beautiful person he'd end up with, and they didn't know and Hide couldn't help but smile. They didn't know about his beautiful person.
"You're so popular with the ladies Hide, I have so much competition," Kaneki said, the clanging of the pots growing further away.
He'd left the kitchen.
He heard the creak of their sofa.
He wished he was there, instead of freezing his ass off in this damp toilet in a stuffy suit.
"Yeah, I wish I didn't- I wish I could just-"
Wished he could what? Tell everyone? Could he really?
There was silence on Kaneki's side, the soft crooning of 'To a Wild Rose' playing in the background. He recalled Kaneki telling him of the composer who hated the piece and ripped the composition to pieces and tried to burn it but his wife put it together and played it for him, telling him it was lovely. Telling him it was a piece he should add to his collection. It was one of his most listened to.
He recalled how Kaneki had told him that the composer had loved roses and when he died his wife planted roses on his grave, and for some odd reason that felt incredibly poignant.
"Yeah," Kaneki breathed, his tone wistful.
Something seemed to awaken with him.
"We should have roses," he said, unsure of how to approach the subject.
Did Kaneki understand?
Did Kaneki understand what he wanted?
There was a weak laugh from Kaneki.
"Roses? What about sunflowers for your sunny self?"
He felt lighter, his lips tugging upwards. He understood.
"Are you flirting with me?"
"Are you proposing to me over the phone?"
Hide bit back a laugh, a giddiness settling over him.
"I'm setting forward a hypothetic proposition."
Kaneki laughed, a proper laugh and Hide's heart flipped.
His mom was outside probably irritated at him for disappearing mid-conversation, and there were cousins and friends twenty times more professionally employed than him with successful wives and families. And then there was Akari and Aiko with their pretty dresses and their pretty hair, both of whom had made him promise them each a dance. There were uncles and aunts looking for an explanation for his career and picking out pretty girls he'd look good with, and his dad whose eyes had started to crinkle at the edges and he was waiting for Hide to give him the good news. There was pressure to be perfect and pressure to find himself a beautiful girl.
"If it's a hypothetic proposition, I'd hypothetically say yes."
But he couldn't find himself a beautiful girl.
He had the most beautiful person already, and it was mental fireworks that he was really his. His to kiss, and his to talk to and make love to. His to spend his life with.
And he stood up ready to go outside.
Someday, he'd have his beautiful someone on his arm and his dad's eyes would crinkle through his smile, and his cousins would talk to him and see he got lucky with the most interesting person ever. Akari would realize that Haku has a crush on her and Aiko would leave him alone, and his aunts and uncles' would love Kaneki with his charming smile and cultured polite talk.
Someday there wouldn't be any pressure and he'd bring Kaneki roses and sunflowers and never go to weddings alone.
