November 11, 2020

"Molly?" Ric cautiously peeked into his daughter's room. She hadn't responded when he called her for supper. It wasn't like her to stay silent when he called, no matter what the reason. The two of them had been inseparable since her birth fifteen years before. It was the only promise he ever made that he kept despite all the problems and crisis' of life that came after the day he laid his wife to rest.

Molly didn't hear him slowly enter her room. Only when he sat down beside her did she finally look up from the framed picture in her hand. Silent tears fell from her face to solemnly land on the glass-covered image that trembled a bit as she held it tightly.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He knew before he asked. It happened every year on this day. And there was nothing he could do to make it easier on her.

"It's so weird." she stated with awe.

"What is, Molly?" Ric felt her shudder beside him so he wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer to his side so he could comfort her as the words began to flow from her in a desperate whisper.

"Look at her daddy. She was so beautiful. She's half of me and I never knew her. I didn't get to spend any time with her, I don't remember her voice or her touch, but I miss her just as much as if she lived with us every day since I was born. I can't explain it, but I need her. I need to be able to talk to her, touch her, feel her arms around me. And I'll never be able to, she never got to hear me call her 'mamâ'. Why daddy, if it had to be one of us, why couldn't it have been me?"

Ric's heart broke at the anguish he heard in his daughter's voice. It was the same question she asked every year. His daughter carried the burden of her mother's death and no matter how many times he tried to make her understand that she was not at fault, Molly could not let go of her guilt.

Since the day they laid Alexis to rest next to her beloved sister, he did his best to give Molly everything he thought she needed or wanted. But no matter what he did for her, no matter how much he loved her; he could never fill that one place in her heart that only a mother could fill… that only Alexis could fill.

"Do you remember what I told you about the day she died? Do you remember what I told you she said?" It was the only thing that would calm her. To tell Molly that her mother's last words were for her, her last breath of air came only when she knew her daughter was safe.

“Tell me again, daddy. Tell me what she said.”

As his daughter’s head fell to rest on his shoulder, Ric took the frame from her hands. Looking down at it, he felt the loss of her all over again. He missed Alexis and his heart still grieved for her every day. He loved her more now than he did when she was alive. Now he knew why she fought so hard to keep Kristina close and safe. He knew how powerful the love of a parent for a child was. He finally understood what Alexis spent years trying to make him and the rest of her family and friends understand. It was because of the child she gave her life for that he was finally able to open his eyes to the truth of what Alexis had always known and felt in her heart. Her children would always come first, before herself... before him... before anyone. And his response would be the same should anyone dare to ask. His child and her safety would always come first. Tightening his arm around Molly he began to tell his daughter once more about the day her mother died.

"She asked to hold you, sweetheart." She said, 'I want to hold my daughter'. She held you close to her heart and said, 'I don't want you to think that life is always going to be this scary, it won't be. I promise'. It hasn't has it, Molly?"

Molly lifted her head up to look into his eyes. "No, it hasn't. But, that's because you were always there to make things better."

His heart clutched as he remembered his wife's words. Her words were for Molly, but her eyes were on him telling him that she believed in him… she trusted him to be the man she knew he could be. Her voice soft, calm… so full of trust! In his heart he heard them once again, 'All you need to do is just look into his eyes and realize that every thing you need will be right there. And he will be the one person in this world you can depend on for bumps and bruises and birthdays… and boys.'

His thoughts drifted back in time for a moment - he remembered. He could see them dancing once more. He loved dancing with Alexis. He could feel her passion for life simmering just below the surface when he held her in his arms. She wanted so much to just let go and be free to experience all the joys of life. Yet unable to out of fear; afraid to feel too much, afraid to hope, afraid to love… afraid that love would always be the one risk that would take too much from her should it fail. What she wouldn't allow herself to give to outside relationships, she gave to Kristina and would have given to the child he now held in his arms if she had lived.

"Daddy?"

"Hmmm…" So lost in his thoughts, Ric barely heard Molly.

"You miss her too, don't you?"

He couldn't stop the tears from filling his eyes. "Yes, Molly. I miss her very much."

"She must have loved you very much."

A curious frown settled on his face. "What makes you say that?"

"For you to still do that every time you think about her, she must have loved you very much."

"Do what, Molly?"

Rather than answer him she reached up and wiped a tear from his cheek. He marveled once again at how perceptive his daughter was.

"Have I ever told you how much you resemble your mother?" He smiled as he looked down into his daughter'™s eyes; eyes that used to look back at him every time he reached for his wife.

"Some. I know I look like her. I can tell that by this picture you gave me." Taking the picture back from him she studied it for a moment. "I'm glad I look like mom. She looks smart and pretty."

Ric chuckled. "Yes, sweetheart. She was very smart. I'll tell you a little secret if you promise not to ever repeat it to another living soul."

Sliding her eyes toward him she gave him a familiar dimpled smile that tore at his heart. Would he ever be able to look into his daughter's smiling face and not feel his heart tear.

"I promise. Not a word to any one! Tell me, daddy."

Quickly recovering Ric smiled and leaned over to whisper, "She was a much better lawyer than I am."

"Really?" Molly's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow, I didn't think anybody was better than you."

Chuckling again, Ric nodded. "Only your mother, Molly. When your mother got a good head of steam going over something, nothing could stop her. She was the most stubborn woman I ever knew."

"Except me."

"Where do you think you got it from?"

Molly's eyes twinkled with mischief. "I always thought I got it from you, but if mom was stubborn too, then I got a double dose, which if you look at it from my side, I can't really be blamed for something my parents gave me that I didn't ask for, can I?"

Ric laughed outright. She was definitely her mother's daughter. "You know, sometimes it feels just like your mother is right here in the room with us. You are so much like her."

"How, daddy? Tell me how?"

Looking down at the picture again, Ric traced the outline of Alexis' face with his fingertip. "You have her eyes, her smile and her heart. When she loved someone, she loved them with all her heart. She also had the most forgiving heart of anyone I've ever known. And she was funny. She had a quick wit. It was all I could do sometimes to keep up with her. She loved to read. And she absolutely hated seeing anyone get a raw deal." Too much was coming back; Ric needed to stop the memories before they became too much for him to handle. Looking down at his daughter he could tell that the guilt was taking hold of her again.

Turning toward her he took both of her hands in his. "Sweetheart, have I ever lied to you or gave you any reason not to trust me?"

"No." Her voice was solemn.

"Alright then, I want you to listen to me very carefully and trust that I would not tell you anything about your mother that wasn't the honest truth. Okay?"

Large round eyes looked up at him with complete faith. "Okay."

"There are things that happen in life that we have no control over. No one knew that better than your mother. On the day you were born, there was nothing more important to her than your life and your safety. The only release she allowed herself, was to wish that she could watch you grow up. She loved you so much that her life became unimportant. She never stopped fighting for you. She didn't quit fighting until she knew you were safe. She was so connected to you in her heart and soul that she instinctively knew the moment you were safe. Now, you know how much I love you, right?"

"Yes." It was a whisper filled with restrained tears.

"Molly, It was your mother who taught me how to love selflessly. It would be very easy for me to fall into a pit of guilt for the way I treated your mother sometimes. But, what purpose would it serve? All she asked of me was to love her and love our family. That's what I've spent the last fifteen years trying to do. I'm honoring your mother in the only way I know how, by living up to the man she saw in me. That's what you have to do. You have to go on and live your life as fully and completely as she wanted you to. If you can do that, then your mother can rest in peace knowing that you are happy and content with the life she gave you. Honor her as I do by being happy and making the most out of the life she gave us both."

Molly lifted her arms and wrapped them around her father. She hugged him tight, but her words were for her mother. "I promise I will be happy and make you proud of me, mom. I'll take care of daddy just like he takes care of me. And we will never ever leave you behind."

Ric held onto his daughter as his eyes found another framed print on her bedside table. It was his gift to her on her first birthday. He remembered the night he placed it on her nightstand so long ago and it hadn't been moved except for those nights when she went to sleep with it in her arms. He couldn't guess the amount of nights he checked on her before retiring himself and had to gently pry it from her arms as she hugged it tightly to her chest in sleep. She knew the words by heart.

'I've taken a long time to imagine a glorious life for you. I've dreamed it and it's done, Molly! A life full of friends and love and career, and a family all your own! It's a life built on a foundation of the most amazing memories that outweigh the regret; because in the end there are always some. And someday if God is very good, somewhere in your memory there will be a little piece of me. I want so much for you to know me.'