DISCLAIMER: The author does not claim BLEACH nor any of its characters as hers. But yes, she does want Kubo to end it with IchiRuki, ktnx.


Contemplation

By Luna A.


Ichigo did not want this to happen.

Yes, sometimes he cursed and cussed whenever he could think of the negative parts of having this ability to feel ghosts, shinigamis, hollows and other otherworldly events currently happening in the world. Sometimes he would just want to switch off this ability of his whenever some annoying random ghost decides to follow him around so he could help them, and sometimes he would like to take a break from all of the shit that has been happening to him quite lately… but he never meant this kind of break.

To put it quite simply, Ichigo never wanted to lose his shinigami powers permanently. It was part of who he was, and he must admit, he was practically born with that power so losing it meant losing a part of who he was. Not to mention it was easier to track his sisters if he could feel their presence, he'd know if they were in trouble or just goofing around.

But now that he'd lost them, how could he protect his family? True, his father could – but what if something came up and their dad couldn't help them? Wasn't it that he was born so he could protect his younger sisters? He'd like not to think too much about Soul Society either – true he did say that Renji and the others should do their best and all, but there would always be a part of him that could never take his thoughts off that place (and all the trouble it caused him), of Gotei 13…

Then, he remembered her… that look on her face as they realized that it would only be minutes, or seconds before he could no longer see nor feel spirits of any kind and form.

Pain. The same tugging feeling he had at that time.

Just as there wasn't any other 'right' statement to say when he told her that he knew this would happen, not even a proper speech he could utter when he did not feel any reiatsu when he left his house, there were no words could express what he wanted to say to her that moment – for some reason, he could only stare as he felt her presence diminish in every minute that passed, he could only breathe as he saw her fade from his sight… And if there were any possible strings of bullshit he could stutter, it would most probably ruin that single moment of silence they had.

He would want to fool himself into believing her words that things would be fine since she could see him and all, but it was different. Too different, in fact.

What was the point if he could not speak to her during the times he would want to talk to her? What about the things she would want him to hear? How could she beat the living daylights out of him when he's too down? How could he mock her inability to draw when there were no pictures to be drawn? How will they be able to enjoy the moments they were supposed to have if he could not touch her, if she could not feel him the way they used to?

She was part of his world as much as he was part of hers… and now, it was as if there was a huge barrier set between them in the world once both theirs… Today, he was going to start living the unknown life of a normal human being, a setting recognizable yet unfamiliar to his senses… but someday, he hoped, he would be able to see her again, stare into those large violet orbs, no longer filled with sadness and pain, but bright and happy for their reunion.

He could never forget her, and he knew, somewhere deep down in him, Rukia won't forget him either.


END


A/N: This was a product of an IchiRuki's dream due to Chapter 423. It was depressing.