The Bitter End.
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"You know, Sam, one of these days I'd love to walk up to an ATM and withdraw cash whenever I needed it," Dean grumbled as he took in the overdrawn credit cards and the near empty wallet.
He would be forced to hustle some pool or rustle up a poker game before the end of the day.
X
"If you'd become some big-time lawyer, I could have tapped you for a loan now and then," Dean joked, looking playfully up at his brother and bumping shoulders. "You wouldn't have let your only brother die of hunger, now would you?"
Sam rolled his eyes; the older Dean got, the more he regressed to child-hood, it seemed.
"You'll be going on about me becoming a lawyer until we're both old guys with sticks; it could never have happened," Sam huffed impatiently. "Then if we hadn't been hunters you'd have found yourself a job, I'm hoping!"
"Yeah, well," Dean sighed as he stuck the wallet back into the pocket of his jeans "You always knew what you wanted to do, Sammy. Without hunting, I'd be lost. You got all the brains in the family, Geek boy!"
X
Sam hated it when Dean put himself down like that.
If he had gotten good grades at school it had also been thanks to Dean who had always encouraged and helped him with his homework. His brother was very intelligent, but for some reason, he seemed to think that showing it interfered with the macho image he'd created for himself.
"You could have been anything you wanted to Dean, so don't give me any of your crap! I know everything about you; you might manage to fool others, but with me you fall flat on your face!" Sam replied with a touch of anger.
"Anyway, school's not all it's cut out to be," Sam continued.
"I never told you this but when I said yes to Lucifer in Detroit, he showed me people who'd been at Stanford back then; some had been my teachers, some students. They were all possessed, Dean," he said softly.
"It wasn't just Brady who was a demon, but so many more. Azazel was keeping good watch over his chosen children. I never stood a chance of becoming anything other than what I am."
X
Dean listened in silence. There was nothing to say. Sam had asked for none of the crap that had been shoved on him and he had done the best he could with what he had been given.
He felt a tug of pride for his little brother. Sam had gotten through it all and was still here by his side.
He wondered if he'd have shown the same courage if he had been in Sam's place.
Dean hesitated a moment before asking.
"Do you ever, you know…. still feel the pull of the demon blood?"
X
Sam grimaced.
"Maybe; I don't know. Usually I don't think about it but sometimes the memory washes over me and well, it's pretty powerful to say the least, but I manage to push it down again."
Dean nodded.
Drugs were an evil beast; once you got a taste it was difficult to forget the rush; he wondered what the demon-blood addiction must have been like.
X
"How was it, Sammy?" he asked quietly.
Sam hung his head. "Indescribable. It was the most mind-blowing sensation ever; better than any feel good hospital drug I've ever had, It didn't make you woozy or anything; on the contrary all your senses were enhanced a thousand times, the rush of power, of lucidity…I…..."
Dean placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I should never have asked. It was thoughtless of me. You okay, Sam?"
Sam gave him watery smile. What he had said was the truth. Usually he didn't think about it but sometimes when his guard was down, the awareness crept up on him and he had to use all his self-control and stubbornness to send it back to oblivion.
X
Once, a couple of years ago, Sam had thought he was going to go mad like Martin when he and Dean had run from the asylum after killing a wraith; he had vented his fear to his brother but Dean had shouted at him to push everything down because that's the only way they could ever deal and stay sane, and since then it was what he had done.
Their eyes met; in that moment each was privy to what the other was thinking.
They both held the madness at bay by pushing it all down and looking the other way; but how long would they hold up? Would they too become like Martin, scared of their own shadow?
X
"Dean…. "
"Don't say anything, Sam. There's nothing to say. We go on until the end, what ever the Hell that's gonna be."
"Is there any hope that the end might be a good one," Sam asked almost timidly.
"I dunno Sammy, but I'm always gonna be here for my pain-in-the-ass little brother, so hey, bring it on Baldy!"
"You know, I'm not gonna leave you either, " Sam answered, boosted by Dean's words. "I'm gonna be towering over you to the bitter end."
X
"Stop rubbing it in that you're taller than me, Bitch!"
"Well, I am, Jerk!"
X
XXX The enD XXX
