You weren't the most courageous. Neither were you terribly cowardly, but your posture and overall presence didn't particularly scream "hero!" However, what you lacked for in confidence, you made up for with faith which was more than enough for you.

You were dedicated. You went to church daily, and had a scheduled 2 hours of self-study every single day. You were often told that you would make the best spouse because of your dedication, but you never paid such comments any mind. If God planned you for marriage, He would send you your love when the right time came. For now, you were content with your Bible as your one and only best friend.

"Hello, _." The meeting was over, and here greeted you one of the choir boys of the church. He smiled warmly at you, eyes sparkling like jewels as he stared at you expectantly.

"Oh, uh, Todoma-"

"Now, now, I've told you time and time again to call me 'Totty.'"

"I… Totty…" you said, slowly, face hot with embarrassment after having such a childish nickname leave your lips. "How are you?"

He sighed, a pale hand reaching up to fiddle with his cap. He moved to take it off, then decided against it and fixed it firmly. He ignored your question and moved closer to you. "You never answered my question, _."

"Question?" you worried your brows, politely taking a step back. "I'm sorry, I don't remember."

"You said that the last time!" Todomatsu objected with a frown. "And the last time and the last."

"Todomatsu," you tried to appease him, smile wavering when it failed and he only seemed to get visibly upset. "Really, I…"

"Don't lead me on like this, _." He set his jaw, a somber look on his face that didn't quite suit a choir boy such as him. "If you don't want to give it a shot and date me, just tell me. I don't want to waste either of our time anymore."

You looked away. It's not that you didn't want to. Todomatsu was one of the most handsome men of the choir, it flustered you to imagine that he'd even have eyes for you. He was cute, yet masculine and seemed so comfortable and confident in his own skin. Not to mention, his athletic physique. The robe he wore was supposed to hide his figure, but you knew all too well how broad his shoulders were and how slim his waist.

When you failed to say anything, he sighed and placed a hand on your shoulder. "Look, _. I don't want to force you into anything." That said, he smiled at you as if to show there were no ill feelings, and stepped back. There were some battles you just weren't meant to fight. He gave you one, last smile and bid you farewell, "I'll catch you around." He turned to walk away then, but you quickly reached out and gripped his white sleeve.

"Wait…!" you cried, shyly, head faced down as you attempted to gather your words. "T… Totty…"

"_, you don't have to," he murmured, his back still to you. He looked up, a tired look on his face. He didn't want you to feel bad, especially when there was nothing between the two of you to feel bad about. "It's okay."

"I want to!" you yelled, determinedly. Your voice sounded weird to you. You never sounded so sure about anything, especially never in a situation like this. You were embarrassed; romance was never your strongest field, but you wanted to reach out. You did, really. Maybe God had sent him for you. It would be just awful of you to ignore.

Todomatsu finally turned to look at you, and you gathered your courage to return his gaze. Pressing your lips together, your cheeks burned as you tilted your head up to look at him. "Let's… try a date. Get dinner, maybe?"

"Okay, _. When?"

"U-uh… when's good for you?" It was rather obvious, but you didn't make many plans.

"Wednesday," he answered, seeming then to get visibly excited about the date. "Seven?"

"Okay…" you nodded.

He grinned, making himself look even more attractive than he already was. You smiled with him, and couldn't help but think that maybe then it wouldn't be so bad. After all, Todomatsu was the sweetest man of the congregation.

It wouldn't hurt to try.

Todomatsu picked you up at around six. You hadn't expected him to be so early, but when you questioned him on it he just shrugged and said he was excited to have dinner with you. You didn't push the matter, though you hoped he'd let you know that he'd be early in the future. You felt bad having him wait for you on your couch while you stumbled around getting dressed.

Wait, future?

Was this going to happen again? If things went well, would he take you out again? Would he want to get closer? Would he want to kiss you?

You stole a glance at him. He was walking on your side, next to traffic. His hand was only millimeters away from yours, and his lips were turned up in a happy smile. Was he really so happy to be here with you? You realized your eyes were stuck on his lips, and hastily turned away, face going red.

"_?" his concerned voice only made your heart race even faster. He put his hand on your shoulder, and you were about ready to explode from the contact.

"I'm… I'm okay!" you stuttered, pulling away from his touch as politely as you could. "Just… cold!" It was autumn, after all. Early autumn, but the air still left your cheeks feeling tingly with cold.

"Here," he shrugged off his brown jacket and draped it over your shoulders, giving them a light squeeze. "Let's hold hands, too. That way I can keep your hand warm."

You laughed quietly, and rose an eyebrow. "You sure you don't just wanna hold my hand?" After seeing him blush, you confidently took his hand. "Well… I want to, too." He grinned then, and squeezed your hand.

"I'll treat you right, _," he murmured, but you failed to make out the words he said. Before you could ask him to repeat, he smiled warmly and pulled you along, squeezing your hand as he did. "Let's go! The restaurant I reserved for us is right around the corner!"

You nodded, smiling, and did your best to keep pace. It was cute how boyishly cheerful he was, it was no wonder he was so popular at the church. You still felt shivers from the envious looks you received when Totty first started to court you, especially the glare from the baritone Atsushi.

You shook away those thoughts, deciding to be here in the moment instead. And finally after a moment's thought, you squeezed his hand.

The restaurant came into view, and after eyeing the building you felt out of place. It was so grand and elegant, and you hadn't even thrown on your best clothes. "Todoma- uh, Totty? We're okay to eat here, in these clothes?"

"Yeah. Why not?" he gave you a confused look, while opening the door. "You look absolutely amazing, hun, so don't worry!"

Nodding worriedly, you walked through the door. You were led to your table without any problems, and shrunk into the booth as you sat down. Todomatsu slid into the booth across from you and gave you one of his award-winning smiles. "See? Didn't I tell you?"

You nodded, and smiled up at him. Deciding to move this date along, you asked him pleasantly, "is this your first time here?" and grabbed a menu, flipping to the drink's section and contemplating how high your alcohol tolerance was.

It wasn't very high at all. After one glass of wine, you could already feel the buzz take over you. The date was going incredibly well, though. Totty was a great guy, you felt comfortable around him. You ordered another drink.

"Aren't you drinking a bit much, _?" Totty asked you, and took a sip of his champagne. It was his fourth glass, but he didn't seem bothered one bit. You wondered how often he drank, but soon forgot that thought as you tried to function with alcohol in your system.

"No!" you hiccuped. A giggle then escaped your lips, and you glared at him with an amused expression on your face. "I'm having fun! Don't you want me to have fun?"

"I do, I do, sorry," he assured you, himself amused by the way you were acting. He couldn't lie, it was cute. He held his hand up for a waiter, and smiled at you. "Let me make it up to you; I'll order you another drink."

"Buy me the whole damn bottle!" you demanded, a stupid grin on your face as you threw your fist up. You didn't mean it, but Totty took you seriously. The shock on your face when the waiter brought the bottle to your table was more than enough for him.

Three more drinks later, and you were definitely a little bit more than tipsy. Todomatsu laughed at the way you pursed your lips and tried to talk coherently, but you just ignored him. You felt so light and bubbly, confident even.

"Okay, let me walk you home." You happily let the man walk you. It was late, you were drunk and how could you deny him?

The walk home was peaceful, albeit a tad long. You were happy taking your time, and Totty seemed happy, too. You turned to face him, a grin on your face. You felt so free. You almost wanted to lean into him and kiss his rosy lips. They were rather tempting. You couldn't help but wonder how soft his cheeks were, how they would feel to hold while you kissed him.

But, no. You weren't that drunk. You still had your dignity to mind, so you turned back around and walked faster, eager to get home. You had fun, but stumbling about so clumsily was something you weren't entirely used to.

"Oh, we're here." Totty's voice brought you out of your thoughts, and you looked up to find your apartment building in front of you.

You turned to face him again, feeling awkward but also pleased with the evening you had. You had had a fun time with him. You wouldn't mind doing it again. "Thank you, Totty. Tonight was wonderful."

"You're wonderful." You wondered if the comment was true; he barely even knew you, but before you could mull over the thought, he surprised you by moving his hand close to your face. You involuntarily flinched, but he was determined.

"Uh, Totty," you faltered, though your hands for some reason didn't move to push him away. Did he really want to kiss you? And rather, did you mind?

"You're absolutely wonderful," he repeated, voice light with admiration. You almost welcomed the touch then. The look in his eyes was new to you, but you couldn't help but be glad that he was looking at you the way that he was. With so much awe and wonder, as if you were a being out of a fairy tale. So, you closed your eyes and let him in.

In an instant, your eyes shot open. Pain flared where his fingers dug into your skin, and your hands finally flew up to protest the action.

"Totty?" you whimpered and tried to pull away, but his hold was too strong.

"Sh, just let me, just let me…" he sounded so hollow, and his face beared no emotion either as he held you against your will. His eyes were fixated on you, but even those were void of emotion. He kept repeating the sentence, but you couldn't stand it any longer.

"Todomatsu!" you cried, and shoved him away. Your eyes were wide with confusion and panic, just what was that? You could feel your blood sliding down your cheek, but ignored it and rushed to open your door. Totty made no movement, but you could feel his eyes on you as you fumbled with your keys. That didn't matter. What mattered then was getting out of the situation, like the coward you knew you were.

You made your quick escape, and quickly closed the door behind you before running to your apartment.

Just what in the world was that? Why was he acting so weird? Your thoughts ran rampant as you pushed your door open and threw yourself on your couch. More importantly… You glared down at your couch pillow. How am I going to face him at mass?!

You went to church every day, it was practically your second home. You didn't know how to feel now that that second home could be destroyed by a single person.