THAT 70'S HOGWARTS

By Mistresses Ferret Face and Woof Woof

Prologue

It all began that fateful day back in 1970. A group of young boys had become fast friends and were on their way to their first Herbology lesson. James Potter, the ring-leader of the 11 year olds, led the way to the greenhouses, brandishing his wand. Sirius Black was right behind him, making jokes about the Slytherins to his pals, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. As the First Years approached Greenhouse #3, Professor Sprout herded them in and these four Gryffindors discovered their predisposement to mischief.

"Come on, you lot," said Professor Sprout as she pushed each child into the room. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter hastily made their way to the back of the greenhouse, eager to be as far away from the actual lesson going on.

"Hey!" whispered James to Sirius, "This plant has a 'Do Not Touch' sign on it! Man... I wonder what it is."

Sirius took his wand out from his robes pockets and poked the plant with his wand. Nothing happened. "I dunno," he said. "But that thing looks like the Devil's Snare my mum used to grow in our garden."

"No, look," said Remus. "It says it's Cannibus Sattiva."

"Cannibul What?" said Sirius in awe.

"I've heard of that!" Peter chipped in. "Muggles smoke it to feel good."

"Smoking? Like fags?" said Remus with a hint of disgust.

"Nah, it's better. It's happy smoking!" replied Peter.

"Oh," said James, shrugging. "Watch Professor Sprout for me while I snag this thing."

The three boys turned around and made sure the professor couldn't see James taking the plant. Sirius looked over his shoulder and watched as James took a small pot of Cannibus Sattiva and shoved it down his pants.

"Nice hiding spot," he smirked.

"Shut up, mate," said James, grinning.

"Does this mean we're gonna grow it all by ourselves?" said Peter in a squeaky voice.

"Yeah, man," said James, nodding his head. The rest of the boys nodded, too, as small grins formed on their faces. "Let's cultivate."


6 Years Later...

"It's dark in here, you guys," said Remus, his voice airy. It was 1976 and it was the boys 7th year. Throughout their time at Hogwarts, they had grown the Cannibus Sattiva under Sirius' bed and smoked a lot of pot. Peter had been right; it did make them feel good, and while they were sitting in a circle getting high, they usually came up with their best pranks. The four had deemed themselves the 'Maruaders' and were known as the coolest pranksters of Hogwarts.

At this moment, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sitting in a circle on the floor in the 7th Year boys dormitory. They had just rolled a lot of pot leaves in special paper and were currently passing it around.

"You're wearing sunglasses," said Peter. "... And it's night."

"Oh..." said Remus, who grinned and took off his sunglasses.

Sirius took a drag on the blunt. "Man... Hogwart's is boring. We should totally do something tonight..." he said.

"Nah, man, I'm cool right here." said James, grabbing the blunt when Sirius handed it to him.

"No, man, seriously," Sirius answered.

"Ha, seriously. Siriusly!" laughed James.

"I got it!" said Sirius, jumping up. "Let's paint a pot leaf... on the Astronomy Tower!"

"Yeah, man!" said James. He grabbed his Invisibilty cloack from under his bed and the four boys huddled underneath. They exited the Gryffindor Tower and ventured all the way up to the Astronomy Tower. They took turns climbing out the Tower window until they were standing on a small ledge. Remus conjured up some green paint and in minutes, their masterpiece was done.

"So, guys, how does it look?" said James, stepping back to admire their work of art.

"It looks like the Astronomy Tower is giving us the finger," declared Remus.

"A green finger," muttered Sirius. "Hey Peter. Stretch up there and fix it."

Peter stretched as high as he could and added all sorts of ridges to the pot leaf.

"That looks better, man," said James.

"Just get that bit to the right," called out Sirius.

James, Sirius, and Remus watched as Peter stood on his tiptoes to reach the far right leaf and promptly lost his balance. They watched as Peter fell from the ledge in shock and laughter.

"Woah, Wormtail!" yelled Sirius. "You okay?"

"I-I'm okay," muttered Peter. "I only j-just fell about a h-hundred feet. I think I broke my arm."

"Should we go get him?" asked James, peering down into the darkness. James looked at Sirius who looked at Remus who shrugged.

"Nah," said Sirius, breaking the silence. "Let's go bake some special brownies."

"Yeah!" cried the three. And so they were off to the Kitchens.


It was the next day when the Maruaders snapped out of their pot-induced stupor. Peter was in the Infirmary because of his broken arm, and James, Sirius, and Remus were sitting around the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room.

"I think I'm gonna buy Lily a present for our anniversary, man," said James, referring to his long-time girlfriend, Lily Evans.

"Cool," said Sirius. "Go get your secret cash supply and see if you can buy her one of those pet rocks. They're killer."

"Whoa, man!" said James, shocked. "You know about my hidden money?"

Remus snorted. "Dude, it's in the Wizard's Chess box. Everyone knows that."

James looked at his friends in suspicion and raced to their dormitory. He felt around under his bed until he pulled out his Wizard's Chess box. Opening it up, he pulled out the board and gasped. "Woah, man, there's no money here! Someone stole it!" he said.

"It must be Remus; he lives here with you," said Sirius.

Remus shot Sirius a glare. "Man, you do, too."

"Guys, what am I gonna do? I gotta buy Lily a present!" cried James.

"I bet Snivelly took it," remarked Sirius. "Let's go beat his face in."

"Bitchin'!" yelled James.

The three boys wandered the corridors in search of Snivelly Snape, who had had to have taken James' secret cash. While on their diligent search, they stumbled across Professor Dumbledore, who was eating a lemon drop.

"Man, Albus, I mean, Professor Dumbledore," said James, running a hand through his messy butsomehow sexy black hair. "Have you seen Snivelly - I mean, Snape! - around?"

The Professor's eyes twinkled as he answered. "Actually, I haven't encountered young Severus in quite a while."

"Man," sighed Remus.

"What seems to be the problem, boys?" asked Dumbledore.

"That bum stole James' secret cash that he was going to use to buy his chick a present!" said Sirius.

"The money in the Wizard's Chess game under your bed next to the Invisibilty Cloak?" Professor Dumbledore asked James.

"Yeaa - wait, how do you know?" James said, shaking his head.

"Maaaaan, everyone knows about it," stated Remus again.

"All right, let's go find Snivellus," said Sirius.

"Good day, boys," said Dumbledore. "Oh, wait, Mr. Potter, I borrowed your money to buy a new lava lamp. Maybe you could earn it back by having a bake sale."

"I don't bake," James said flat out.

"Oh, I'm sure it isn't above a 7th year to bake some cookies... maybe some brownies." added Dumbledore.

"We can make brownies, man!" cried Remus, pumping the air with his fist.

"Oh man," said Sirius, a happy grin on his face. "I love brownies."