Gabriel Ugliano is a Homo sapiens.

(He doesn't know what a Homo sapiens is, but he is one of them.)

He is a man.

(Not necessarily a good one, but a man.)

He typically goes by the name Gabe.

(Mainly because Gabriel is the name of an angel, and everyone knows that Gabriel Ugliano is not an angel.)

He isn't good looking.

(Unless you like the middle-aged-overweight-man-with-mud-colored-eyes-a-big-nose-with-a-mole-on-the-end-of-it-and-only-three-coarse-black-hairs-on-his-head type.)

He has a wife.

(But he doesn't love her, and he's fairy sure she doesn't love him.)

He has a step-son.

(Who is just a nuisance that costs money that Gabe could be using on other things.)

He has a house.

(Well, it's technically an apartment, but who pays attention to technicalities?)

He has friends.

(They're really more of the I'll-be-your-friend-until-your-of-no-more-use-to-me kind of friends but...technicalities.)

Gabe also has some problems.

(He likes to think of them as unfortunate-things-that-happen-only-to-the-best-of-us.)

For example:

1. He is an alcoholic.

(Which shows...a lot.)

2. When Gabe is intoxicated he is abusive.

(And when he isn't intoxicated, he is still abusive.)

3. He probably has lung cancer from the six packets of cigarettes he puts away every day.

(But it's not like he cares enough to do anything about it.)

4. He doesn't have a job.

(Which means the only source of income for his family is from his wife, which means he'll never know for sure if he does have lung cancer because he can't spare any money to go see a doctor.)

5. He was left alone in a box in an alley when he was only four days old.

(He only knows this because his mom left a piece of paper with him that had his birthdate, first name (Ugliano is his adopted name), and a small I-love-you-and-I'm-sorry-but-I-just-can't-do-this note on it.)

And 6. His adopted family hated him.

(So he never learned what love felt like, hence the reason why he never loved anyone...not even himself.)

But Gabe just keeps that all to himself.

(He's got to keep his tough, beer-chugging, cigarette-smoking guy act going.)

Deep, deep down though, he really hates keeping it bottled up.

(Sometimes he wishes that he had been something other than a gang member, because all you do when you're in a gang (at least, in the kind of gang Gabe was in), is learn to keep your pain a secret.)

Then one day, Gabe realized something shocking.

(Which was a shock in itself, since he only has an IQ of eighty-one.)

He has a really sucky life.

(Like, ridiculously sucky.)

And he can only blame himself for that.

(But he doesn't.)

So when he feels himself starting to turn into stone, he doesn't fight it or freak out.

(He figures being a statue can't be worse than his already sucky life.)