This fanfiction is complete crack and full of my opinions. In fact, it's basically me retelling Death Note and pointing out it's flaws. Actually I'm mostly pointing out Light's flaws. Hey, you can either join me or leave because this is what the fic is gonna be.

Short summary of how this will go: I explain a bit of what's happening throughout the episode with my utmost opinion. The further along the chapter, the more opinionated it gets.

Disclaimer: I still don't have the power or the money to own Death Note, even if I wanted to.

Warnings: There are spoilers to the entire anime in this one chapter so far. You have been warned. Also, there's a lot of swearing because I'm an immature little shit. This is also mostly my opinion, so if you don't agree or don't like, there's a backspace button on your screen for a reason.


Light Yagami is a genius.

That's right, he's a genius. You could ask anyone and they will tell you the same thing. Light Yagami is a genius. He can solve the hardest puzzles, outsmart you in any area, and he can even win a few games of tennis. Everyone loves Light for this, and students are constantly seeking his help in all subjects.

Only, here's the thing: Light Yagami doesn't care.

He doesn't want to waste his time tutoring kids for the rest of his life. He doesn't doesn't want to be known as the straight A student that everyone admires. And he most certainly does not want the fangirl service to be worshiping him over getting high achievements in school (that bastard doesn't understand how lucky he is for that).

Here's another thing to keep note of: Light Yagami is an asshole.

Anywho, as I was saying, Light is a genius who is favored amongst the people he meets. Unfortunately, he's so bored with the lower education at school that he becomes the biggest prick you'll know. Seriously, you could be asking him a question about what he'll be doing after school when he'll suddenly stand up and leave. How rude.

Because of this uttermost boredom, he tries to find ways to make his pointless life somewhat greater. Like that time when he saw a black notebook fall out of the sky and decided it was a great idea to go over and pick it up - yeah, he's a pretty stupid genius.

But he's a genius still.

Now, as you may already know, Light picks up the notebook and reads the contents. It's so helpful that the notebook even has a guide, eh?

"The human who's name is written in this note shall die."

...

Hey, listen, do you ever get those moments when someone's talking and all you're thinking is that every word they're saying is complete bullshit?

Yeah, that's basically what Light DOESN'T think. Why else would he keep it, after saying himself that it's probably not true? I mean, obviously a notebook that can kill someone by simply writing their name down isn't absurd whatsoever, totally logical.

Okay, okay, maybe he isn't as stupid as I'm making him out to be. He has doubts about the purpose of the notebook, and, again, because of boredom, he decides to test it out. And then he goes on a massive murdering spree with new found allies that he betrays and in the end he ends up losing. Moral of the story: Boredom is a powerful thing.

Oh, you better have known that there were gonna be spoilers in this. I put it at the top of the page, and if I ruined it all for you, well, read carefully next time.

*Sigh*

I better slow down and backtrack a bit, it's only the first chapter, after all.

ALRIGHT. So Light has the notebook, and for once, his brain is actually doing work to try and figure out what the hell the instructions in it means. He's also denying the fact that he completely believes everything it says, only because it will make him look like an idiot if he doesn't.
Then, he finally takes out his shiny mechanical pencil and writes down a name from the news.

Wait.

Wait.

WAIT a minute.

Light writes down the name of a man who is a criminal and saves a bunch of hostages but he doesn't have a single second to answer questions? This is like damn Superman and his ability to "save the world" when in reality he means "save America".*

*Ahem*

So yeah, the criminal dies and the hostages are unharmed and Light's beginning to feel a little power hungry. He wants to kill another criminal to make sure the death wasn't a coincidence, blah blah blah- and then, OF course, Light begins to question society.

Not that I can really complain. I question it all the time as well.

But I also question Light's judgement.

AND Light saves ANOTHER woman from the clutches of nasty men, and damn there are a lot of names written down in that notebook already.
Has anyone noticed that after his second kill is the moment when Light's eyes first begin to look differently than when he was a regular straight A bastard- I mean student?

Oh, and don't even get me STARTED with all the scenes I've skipped that hold our favorite shinigami. His story is basically leading the same words with a different path than Light - he's bored and decides that it will bring him entertainment to drop his notebook [DEATH NOTE] into the human world.

Then, when Light first sees Ryuk... PFFFTTT. Great fall, Light. Yeah, yeah, try and play it off. We all saw it, and we will all remember it. And then you go on saying that you've been waiting for him. Is that why you screamed like a little bitch?

... Yeah I better tone it down now.

Anyway, Ryuk does his whole 'intimidating shinigami' act while explaining to Light what's happening, but we can practically feel his excitement and hunger for the apples Light's mom brings up. He craves them apples as much as Naruto craves ramen.*

Like DAMN he be stuffing them into his mouth per second. One starts to wonder if he'll ever get sick of them, just like Holo did a few times.* I mean, you get tired of a certain food after constantly having it, don't you? I know I do. My mom made banana muffins for weeks straight once because it's the only way my brother could eat muffins without an allergic reaction and I swear I don't think I'll ever be able to enjoy them like I used to.

Back to the subject, Ryuk seems to do a pretty good job making Light seem unimportant when he tells him that he wasn't chosen and that it was all an accident. Yes, put him in his place.

"I did it because I was bored." -Ryuk
"Because... I've been bored too." -Light Yagami
MY FUCKING POINT HAS BEEN PROVEN.

*cough*

But I will say one thing... His dramatic writing style is just like WOAH. Admit it, we've all tried to write like that at least once.

As my last note on Episode One of Death Note: Light's acting with two faces and claiming that he will be the "god of the new world".
Light. Go home. You're drunk on power.


*While shamelessly writing down my opinions on episode one, I remembered a meme on Superman that Superman only saves America when he says that he'll save the world.

*Naruto from the anime... Naruto. His favorite food is ramen. He loves ramen. If you invite him out to a bowl of ramen your wallet will cry because Naruto could eat 11 bowls of that stuff and still be hungry.

*Holo, as in Holo the Wise Wolf from Spice and Wolf. One time while on her travels, Holo decided it would be a good idea to buy her most favorite fruit - apples. However, she had to eat them all. She was determined to do it, but got a stomach ache afterwards.