Keep Reminding myself.

I look at Albus, standing over there, smiling at Scorp. I know I should be happy for him. I shouldn't be bitter. I mean, he's my cousin, one of my best friends, and he's finally got the boy he's wanted since 3rd year.

But I am bitter. And I know, I'm a terrible person for wanting to, but I want to hurt him and beat him, and shout at him until he realises how much I ache inside.

No, that isn't true. I am sad (because I refuse to refer to myself as heartbroken), but Albus is still my favourite cousin, and one of my best friends. But I can wish. Inside my head, I can pretend that he's not gay, that he loves me, that I can be in Al's place and have what they have.

'Rose, are you ok? You've completely spaced out on me.'

A voice hoists me away from my thoughts. I look up, and Lily meets my gaze, a concerned look on her face.

'I'm fine Lils, just thinking.'

'About Scorpius?' She prompts. She sounds sympathetic. I'm surprised she's so tolerant. She's one of the few people who know (although I'm surprised more people haven't figured it out), and consequently the person I confide in. She really is very sweet, (although she hides that quite well, and the general school opinion is that she is a little terror).

'Yeah, but that doesn't matter. What were you talking about?'

And so I fully immerse myself in planning our next Hogsmeade trip, and for an hour I can pretend that I'm not hopelessly attracted to the gorgeous, intelligent, understanding blonde that is Scorpius Malfoy.

Because it doesn't matter that I wish he loved me back. It doesn't matter that sometimes I hate my favourite cousin. It doesn't mater that I cry over him approximately once a week. This is ultimately a schoolgirl crush. I'll grow out of it, and I will learn to be happy for Al, and if they ever break up (unlikely, but still), I will console Al, and not go near Scorp. Because no matter how I feel, he's gay and he is in a serious relationship with my cousin, and someday he won't matter any more, or he'll matter for a different reason.

And if I keep telling myself this, maybe one day I'll fully believe it.