Disclaimer: I do not, and never will own Harry Potter, not in this chapter, not in the next, not in any…
Okay, these are just funny little things that I made up during classes. Goodbye history, English, and religion; say hello to Meals with the Marauders… Enjoy!
Monday-breakfast-8:40 am"'M ti-ti-ti-red." Sirius yawned.
"You say that every morning Sirius." Remus said in a bored manner.
"Well, I speak the truth." Sirius stated, and at this, Peter snorted. "What'd you say Wormy?" Sirius asked, suddenly fierce.
"Nothing!" Peter squealed.
"Good." Sirius muttered.
"Moony, 'm tired." Sirius mumbled again.
"It isn't that early!" Remus told Sirius.
"It is early for Padfoot though! He's still in summer mode." Peter told Remus instantly.
"Summer ended two months ago!" Remus said exasperatedly.
"Tell that to Padfoot! What do you think Prongs?" Peter asked his off-in-space friend.
"What?" James asked, just getting out of his daze. Remus snickered at his friend.
"What do you think of Padfoot's sleeping habits?" Peter asked again, very slowly this time.
James looked to where his best friend was sitting, only to see Sirius' elbow in his eggs, snoring loudly.
"I think that Padfoot needs to find a better place to sleep than his morning eggs." James said simply, giving Peter and Remus a soft chuckle. "But don't worry," James continued with a grin, "He'll be up in a minute." James then grabbed a cup of coffee and slashed Sirius' face with it.
"What the hell!?" Sirius screamed, waking abruptly from his sleep. The great hall roared with laughter.
"Sorry mate, you fell asleep in your eggs." James said grinning from ear to ear.
"So you decide to pour hot coffee on me?!" Sirius bellowed.
"Well, cold coffee would've been absolutely no fun, and coffee helps people to wake up. I figured you would need all the help you can get." James explained.
"Coffee can wake people up?" Peter asked stupidly.
"Look what it did for Sirius! That's simply amazing!" James' voice was dripping with sarcasm.
"Why were you so off in space?" Peter asked randomly.
"Huh?" James asked, not comprehending Peter's drastic change in subject.
"When I asked you about Sirius at first, you were in a daze, why?" Peter asked again.
"Why do you think Peter?" Remus said as though it were evident.
"That's why I asked, Moony." Peter declared giving Remus a look that clearly said are you going mad?
Remus sighed; he could never get Peter to understand him… James looked away quickly, and his cheeks turned a light pinkish color.
"James was staring down the table that way." Remus pointed towards the teacher's table, and then lowered his finger so that it rests on a group of girls. "I really think that it is quite obvious that he was, once again, string at the Lily Evans." Remus finished.
Meanwhile, Sirius, still thoroughly upset, stands up, reaches across the table, picks up the maple syrup jug, and pours it on James' head, which was staring at the ground.
"What was that for?!" James asked suddenly.
"Payback." Sirius stated simply.
"My head is a complete sticky mess!" James roared.
"It looks just the same to me." James spun around, only to see Lily Evans standing behind him, a confident smirk on her face. When James didn't say anything back, she rolled her eyes and walked away.
"Your hair is a bit sticky, my clothes are sopping wet!" Sirius bellowed. "And they're hot!"
"Let me cool that down for you." James said, spraying Sirius with pumpkin juice, mainly on his head.
"My hair! My beautiful, beautiful hair!" Said a melodramatic Sirius.
"Oh well." James said simply. By now the whole hall was watching, the first years in awe, the rest used to weird stuff from these two, they were the Marauders after all. The teachers looked awestricken, and were so stiff; they didn't do anything to stop it.
"I love your hair! Both of you." A voice came from behind them. It was Severus Snape. Both James and Sirius took custard, James pouring it on his head, Sirius chucking the whole platter at his face. It hit with a clunk, and Severus fell to the floor unconscious.
Neither boy noticed as professor McGonagall walked over. "What is the meaning of this!?" She yelled at them. "Detention both of you!" She walked away and both James and Sirius sighed.
Monday-Lunch-12:03 pm"Stop staring, Prongs, you know she hates it when you stare at her." Remus told James informatively.
"Yeah, I know you're right, I just can't help it! Moony, why won't she go out with me?" James asked Remus seriously.
"Dood, se 'ates wor guts, se aways wiw. Get ower it." Sirius responded very rapidly, his mouth stuffed with food. Sirius swallowed, and then started laughing like a maniac, something he has been doing all day.
"You really shouldn't have given him that coffee." Remus told James.
"I didn't think splashing him with coffee would be a big deal. It must have sunk into his skin and gotten into his bloodstream or something." James replied.
"Did you say coffee? Where, where, where?! Do you have it, Moony? Are you hiding it from me? GIVE ME THE COFFEE! I love coffee. Coffee is good. Yeah, coffee is very good. Why don't they serve coffee at lunch?" Sirius said, too fast for anybody except James and Remus to know what was said. Then, spontaneously, Sirius broke into
Made-up song:
"OH! I want coffee! Coffee is good! Give me coffee! Or you are all food!"
Sirius bellowed his song to the whole hall, causing many sniggers from the Slytherin table, and many others for that matter.
"This should be a fun day." James said sarcastically.
"The caffeine shouldn't last much longer, it can only sustain itself for so long." Remus said logically.
"This is Padfoot. He had never heard of coffee until this morning. This effect could last forever." James said overdramatically.
"Really? Could it last forever?" Peter asked, yet another stupid question.
"Yes, Peter, I could last until he dies!" James' voice was dripping with sarcasm this time, but Peter still didn't catch on.
"Wow, that's a scary thought." James rolled his eyes.
"Remember that food fight we had earlier, do ya, do ya?" Sirius asked James rapidly. "That was fun, we should do it again! Lets throw food at Snivelus!" Sirius yelled, picking up a plate of food and throwing it as far as he possibly could. It hit right on target.
A whole section of the Slytherin table was hit with sardines, and other arrays of fish.
"Stop!" James grabbed Sirius' wrist just as Sirius went to pick up another platter. As a result, Sirius poured soup on James' head, causing hot liquid to travel down his back, and forcing him to release Sirius from his grasp.
"BOYS! Twice in one day?! That's a weeks worth of detentions."
"Sirius!" James growled, chasing Sirius out the door of the great hall, and around the school.
Monday-Dinner-5:47 pm"Prongs, I know you are upset with Sirius, but you have to get over it. I mean, who else are you going to sit with?" Peter asked (stupidly).
"I am not going to sit with Sirius, and I do have other places to sit!" James said haughtily.
Sirius snorted, "Who?" he asked James curiously.
"Uh," James think hard and searches the great hall for someone to sit with, when his eyes fall upon Lily and her friends. "You'll see." James strutted off, leaving his friends to find a seat on their own.
When he gets to the spot where Lily and her friends, Clare and Beth are sitting, he sits down casually. "Hi, Beth. Do you mind?"
"Not at all. What's up?" Beth asked. "When are you planning Quidditch? You are captain, right?"
"Yup, tryouts are this Saturday afternoon. Then, I'm starting you off easy, and we will be practicing Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays." James said grinning. Quidditch was his favorite topic of conversation.
"Cool. Why aren't you sitting with Remus, idiot, and moron?" Beth asked casually.
"Oh, idiot's gotten me into enough trouble today, and there aren't enough seats left here for Remus or moron." James replied.
"Aren't you sweet to your friends." Clare spoke for the first time. Clare was always very quiet, but when she did talk, she always seemed to time it perfectly.
"Thank you!" James replied to her sarcasm. So, how've the girls been?"
"Fine. I enjoyed watching the entertainment at meals." Clare said with a smirk. "Can't you boys solve you problems 'using your words'?"
"I would if I could, Clare, but with Sirius, that's nearly impossible." James said grinning. Clare rolled her eyes, and Beth and Lily chuckled softly.
Awkward silence
"So, uh, how are the classes this year?" James asked, trying to start a conversation.
"Well that was a cheesy thing to ask us." Beth said. Clare and Lily both laughed, and James blushed slightly, feeling foolish.
"Well, I don't see you trying to start a conversation." James accused.
"We are in the middle of eating, we talk after we eat." Clare explained.
"Ah, well, until then I shall ask foolish questions so that it isn't so quiet." James said.
"Whatever." Beth said.
"Lily, you haven't talked at all, what's new with you?" James asked.
"Oh, nothing really. Just, off in space." Lily replied.
"She has a new crush." Beth whispered loudly.
"I see, who?" James asked, feeling a hint of jealousy.
"We aren't sure yet, and she won't tell us. We are absolutely sure it is a boy, and we think he's in seventh year, but that's about it." Beth said.
"It is none of your business anyway." Lily piped up.
"Lils, we are your best mates, it is our business to know who you want to date, then we can tell you if that person is a loyal guy, or some man-whore." Beth explained.
Lily sighed. "I guess your right, I'll tell you guys tonight. Not you though Potter." Lily added. All of a sudden, a platter comes falling down onto Lily's head. "Ahh!" She screamed.
Lily brushes the mashed potatoes off of her face, and all four of them look around. Sirius was standing up a bit farther down the table; he looked horror stricken. Sirius bolted, Lily following right behind him.
"It was supposed to fall on James' head!" He yelled over his shoulder as he ran. After they had run around the great hall about four times, McGonagall stopped them.
"That is the third time today black, you now have two weeks of detention, and you have a night Ms. Evans."
"I didn't even do anything! He was the one who threw food on me!" Lily protested.
"You are head girl, and you are chasing Black around the great hall! You are getting detention for not being able to work out your problems verbally." And with that, McGonagall walked away.
Lily gave one last glare to Sirius, and then turned on her heel to go and take a shower.
So, that's chapter one. What do ya think? I'm tired, and am going to bed. I hope to find a review tomorrow! lollipop
