Author's notes: Okay people here we go. The sequel to Evil Dead Way of the Boomstick. I hope you all enjoyed the it because, hears round two. Ash now enters the Dark world of DC/VERTIGO comics, as he teams up with John Constantine Hellblazer and the rest of the "Trench Coat Brigade," (TCB). For those of you who have no idea what TCB is, it is the combined forces of John Constantine, Doctor Occult, Mister E and the Phantom Stranger. Ash finds himself in a world filled with magic, demons, and darkness and…wait a minute, his world was always like that anyway. So anyway enjoy and please review. DISCLAIMER: I don't own John Constantine, or the Trench Coat Brigade, or Evil Dead, or Ash, or any of the characters from either universe, so please don't sue me.
"So anyway I jumped through the vortex and the rest is history," said Ash to his companion. "I landed somewhere outside the city. It didn't take to long for the cops to pick me up, but when they did they found my guns on me and had me cuffed and in the pen before I could get a word in. I never did understand what your country has against guns, I mean hey, it worked out pretty good for us didn't it. You have no idea how many times that double barrel saved my life. Anyway they decided to let me off sine it was my first time here, oh and because I beat the shit out of this sadist cell mate who was causing so much trouble inside. I guess they took it as a favor. So now I'm here, I have no guns and I have no money so I have no idea how I'm gonna pay for this drink," he said and gulped down the last of his Jack Daniels. "So what do you think?" he asked his companion.
"Awe, I know how ye feel mate," he said in his thick English accent. "I've been there and back again ye know. Shit happens and someone's gotta do something about it," he said running his hands through his blonde hair. "Them bastards think they can all just walk all over us well, they got one arse loada pain comin I tell ye."
"Amen to that brother, finally a guy willing to fight back," Ash said with relief.
"Aye, Lotta people think the demons don't exist in our world. I tell you there here right now in this room ready to take the hopes and dreams of every free spirited human being in this world and shove em right up their arses," he said as he lit a cigarette. I've had a brush with those types me self."
"Really?" asked Ash. "Okay then pal, what's your story?"
"Awe ye don't wanna know mate," he said as he placed his litter back in the pocket of his Tan trench coat.
"Come on buddy I just told you mine," said Ash. "Can't possibly be any worse."
"Oh you have no idea," muttered his trench coat clad companion. "All right mate, here it goes. See it all started in this little town called New Castle an…" his companion was cut short as the door to the pub was broken down by band of deadites. "BLIMY!" Ash's companion shrieked.
"Ah crap," moaned Ash. "Do you guys ever take a break!" he bellowed at the band of demons. There were at least two dozen of them. The other customers and the bartender were already running around in panic. All that did was get them eaten.
"Leme take a wild guess mate, these are the deadnouts you told me bout," asked his British companion.
"Deadites and they couldn't have picked a better time," began Ash. "I have no weapons and even if I did the cops would confiscate them, go figure."
"Here then mate," said the Brit. "I'll handle em for ye," he said. The Brit began to chant some familiar words and with a blast from his hands the oncoming deadites froze. Ash's British friend had cast the stun spell he had learned from the spell book he found in Dearborn, he had forgotten all about his spell book (which he still had in his pack).
"You know the Stun spell!" Ash exclaimed.
"Are you kidding?" asked the Brit. I learned that in the fifth grade from a fortuneteller named Clowie.
"You seem to be full of surprises pal," said Ash. "But what do we do now. That won't hold em forever."
"Don't worry mate," began the Brit. "I have me a little trick that el take care of this lot," he said with a menacing smile. He began chanting something Ash had never heard before.
IN HELL
The First of the Fallen, aka the devil, turned around to see that the first of the demons he had sent to Earth to destroy the one called Ash. Had returned to him. "I TOLD YOU TO ATTACK THE DEMONS SLAYER YOU FOOLS!" he barked. What do you want?
"Your skin," said the first demon as it jumped on him and bit into his neck. The First of the Fallen grew furious and tore the deadite apart. Then turned to the others who were also attacking him.
EARTH, LONDON, ENGLAND
"You controlled them?" asked Ash as him and his companion stood in the deserted pub.
"Aye, high Magnus shit," he explained. "Allows me to override their original orders and give em me own. Who says soldiers aren't mindless zombies."
"What did you tell them to do?" asked Ash.
"To attack the bastard who sent em our way," said his companion. "And I'll bet you me last pound it was the Devil im self."
"No doubt," said Ash. "But there'll be way more where they came from. I'm gonna need some weapons."
"I might be able to arrange that," said his companion. "Come along then mate."
Ash began to follow him to the door. "Oh yeah, I never did catch your name," said Ash.
"Oh right then," said his companion as he turned to Ash. "John's the name, John…"
IN HELL
"CONSTANTINE!" screamed the First of the Fallen as the deadites tried to pile on top of him, knowing full well whose handy work had sent these feeble minded fools to attack him.
London, England
"So dose that mean, they're all back in Hell?" asked Ash as John and him exited the door of the pub.
"No, only that lot," began Constantine. "The spell, will only werk on about twenty or thirty at a time, and then only if they are stunned. An I'm sure there'll be more where they came from."
"Well naturally," said Ash. "So you said you could hook me up with some weapons?"
"All in good time mate, first we gotta get our facts strait you see," said Constantine. He lead Ash on through the cloudy night streets of London to a phone booth. Constantine stopped short before entering the booth. "I trust you know some magic right?" asked Constantine.
"Sure, I got the spell book right here," said Ash as he pulled his spell book out of his belt. He had had it since Dearborn and it had proven to be very useful on occasion.
"Right then. I just got to make one phone call, the rest should unwind itself," said Constantine as he entered the booth. Ash stood watch as his companion made his phone call. He heard bits and pieces about meeting at the usual place and finding someone named E, and also there was something about a Wanker in there. Ash did not pay much attention to most of the talking. Ash looked around at his new surroundings. The streets were mostly deserted. There were a few stray dogs here and there, thick fog all around, an erie wind. The paranoid feeling someone or something watching him…just waiting for him to make a wrong move. It beard an uncanny resemblance to Dearborn. Luckily Constantine did not take very long. "All right squire, let's get a move on then," said Constantine as he exited the booth and continued to lead him down the streets of London.
"Gees, is it always this creepy?" asked Ash as his mage companion lead him down the dreary streets of London.
"About ninety nine point nine percent of the time mate," said Constantine with a nod.
"Man, this place is tied for the creepiest place I've ever been!" complained Ash.
"Tied with what," asked Constantine as he puffed smoke from his cigarette.
Ash paused for a moment then sighed. "Every other damn place I've ever been."
Constantine laughed. "Well mate, it don't get much better than this where ever ye go," he said.
"I guess your right," said Ash with a sigh. Constantine led on until they came to a clothing store. Constantine led Ash inside. "What the hell are we doing here?" asked Ash.
"There's a change of attire in order," explained Constantine. "Ye can't go walkin round London dressed like that now can you?" asked Constantine pointing at Ash's garb, which consisted of a torn denim shirt, and cargo pants. Ash sighed. "An also, if yer gonna be walkin with my crowd yer gonna need the right look," he finished making a motion to his Trenchcoat.
"Okay fine you lousy limey," began Ash. "But I get to choose which one," he strongly stated.
"By all means yank, take yer pick,"said Constantine with his arm stretched to the store's numerous selection of clothing.
Ash scanned around the Trench coat section, not liking much of what he saw until he found one tagged as an "import from America," he examined it for a moment then smiled. "Groovy!" he said with contempt.
"Why the bloody hell did ye make me by that ridiculous coat Ash?" asked Constantine as he was still in mourning for the sixty five quid he just spent on the most ridiculous Trench Coat he had ever seen.
"Hey! Don't mess with the KING baby!" said Ash as he walked along side his companion wearing his brand new white Trench Coat, with gold writing on the back that spelled "THE KING."
"Well you could have at least chipped in a wee bit," Constantine complained.
"Owe come on, John I told you I don't have any money, I lost my wallet like a month ago back in Dearborn," said Ash in attempt to give something of an apology. He always hated having to burden other people with himself. It was sick, he could protect himself from demons but he couldn't protect himself from the economic system. "Look I'll pay you back a soon as I have access to an international banking system okay."
"Whatever Squire," said Constantine, clearly not impressed by the promise. Ash just let it go. It was obvious there was no reasoning with his companion. Constantine led on into an area of the street under construction, but there were no workers. All the equipment was left there with no one to attend them, which automatically got Ash's nerves on edge. Constantine appeared to be getting a little nervous as well.
"I got a bad feeling about this," said Ash. Ash he gazed around the torn up road and heavy equipment.
"Aye, me too," said Constantine. As they both looked around the area, they began to here a very low moaning sound.
"John?" said Ash.
"Aye?" said Constantine.
"RUN!" shouted Ash. As if on cue a deadite jumped on top of both demon slayers, laughing and snaring. Ash and Constantine stumbled about with the demons latched to their backs. Ash scanned the area quickly then found what he was looking for. He leaned forward and ran as fast as he could. The demon looked up just in time to see the Bulldozer, which Ash was running to at top speed. With a thud Ash rammed the head of the deadite into the side of the Bulldozer, crushing it's head against the vehicle. Ash brushed the lifeless body of the deadite off of his back. "Look I understand the attraction and all but I hate the clinging type," he said to the corps. Ash was surprised that only two demons had attacked; he figured it must have been a recon party. He heard the moans of more deadties coming, he scanned the area quickly for something to use as a weapon then a shovel on the ground caught his eye. He picked up the tool with memories of past experiences in his mind, not all of them happy. "What the hell, can't beat an old classic!" said Ash with a grin. He turned to the oncoming band of deadites charging towards him. "Okay dead heads, lets get it on."
Constantine was not having the best of days. Not only was there a flesh-eating demon latched to his back and drooling on his Trench Coat but he lost his cigarette in the frenzy. Constantine shrieked and frantically tried to get the demon off of him. He finally he cooled his nerves enough to make us of his hands. The mage quickly jammed the first two fingers of his right hand into he deadite's eyes with all his strength. The demon screamed in agony and released Constantine from his grip. Constantine spun around and gave the demon a swift kick in the groin. Constantine was still horrified by these creatures he had seen several variations of these creatures but mostly the ones fresh from Hell. These were once human but now their eye's glowed with hate, their skins turned pal or gray. Many lost most hair making it hard to tell the males from females, but it was clear that the ones that attacked him and Ash where once construction workers. The deadtie was beginning to pull himself together and slowly began to rise from it's hunched over stance. Constantine extended his right hand and loudly bellowed, "PISS OFF!" A light blue projectile flashed from his hand and roasted the demon to a cinder. Constantine was almost glad the faces of the deadites were incomprehensible. He knew a few people in the construction business. He looked over to where he last saw his American companion. He seemed to be doing all right; Ash had acquired a shovel, which he was now using as a melee weapon against several deadites by violently slashing at them. With a few slashes he battered two demons to death. He then bashed one upside the head, rendering it unconscious then with an upward thrust with his shovel he sent the deadite's head flying through the air. He battered the next three to death within seconds. There did not appear to be anymore of them. Ash slid his shovel into the harness strapped over the back of his Trench Coat (originally meant for his shotgun).
"Hail to the King Baby," said Ash with a smirk.
"Cheers," said Constantine as he lit another cigarette.
"So what happened to the dead head who jumped you?" asked Ash. Constantine looked towards the pile of Ash's on the ground. Ash looked confused.
"How…" Ash began.
"Magic," said Constantine, cutting off his American Companion.
"Oh," said Ash with a shrug. "So now that that's over how about this meeting place of yours?" suggested Ash.
"My thoughts exactly mate, come along now," said Constantine as he turned and continued along the road with Ash following behind.
"Oh yeah and by the way thanks a lot for the help back there pal," said Ash. "You were really a big help to me, you know when I was surrounded by demons and about to be over run and what not."
"Well you managed just fine didn't ye squire?" asked Constantine with a menacing grin.
"Whatever you lazy ass…" Ash was cut off by a loud roar from behind the two of them. The two of them spun around to see four very large demons charging them. Both of them new that with their current weaponry there was no way they could fight the oncoming demons all they could do was run. The two of them sprinted up the road without having to say a word to the other. But their run was short lived. Moments latter the two stopped as they saw four more demons of the same size coming towards them from the front. They were trapped. "Well this is a hell of a way to go," grumbled Ash. The eight demons were only a few feet away when a ray of blue light hit them and almost instantly burned all eight of them to ashes, leaving Ash and Constantine standing in the middle of a ring of charred demon remains.
"You should be more weary about your travels, John Constantine," came a dark voice from the fog. A dark figure emerged from the fog. He appeared to be human only with glowing white eye's, he wore a black Trench Coat and a black hat.
"Well bout bloody time ye showed up you WANKER!" bellowed Constantine to the new arrival.
"As always, a charmer to the end," said the Stranger, as if use to Constantine's crud treatment.
"Okay someone wanta introduce me to the stranger here?" asked Ash, having realized these two knew eachother.
"Yes, I am indeed a Stranger," said the new arrival, turning his attention to Ash.
"No kidding, you got a name or what?" asked Ash.
"Yes Ashley Williams, I do hope that one day you shall call me friend, but for now a stranger I am and a stranger I must remain.
"Okay then we'll play it your way, Stranger. I assume you two…Wait a minute, how do you know my name?" asked Ash
"How do ye think mate?" asked Constantine.
"Magic," all three of them said in unison.
"Oh boy," sighed Ash. 'This is going to be a long night' he thought.
