A/N: Line break used to distinguish between the present and the letter. Enjoy!
I feel vulnerable. Because I miss him. Because missing him makes me feel weak. Because feeling weak means I have a wall down. Because having a wall down means I'm vulnerable. I'm vulnerable to every person I have never trusted and those I have trusted with my life. I turned my back on the street rats I grew up with. I began to see that this life I have been living will get me no where fast. And I learned that from him. I learned from the mistakes he made and in turn I wished so badly to teach him. One choice later though and I had lost that chance.
My dearest Quinn,
Although you will never read this letter I feel as if it is my duty to explain to you why I have done the things I have done. I grew up being selfless. Helping those who I could, expecting nothing in return but to see a person make it through one more day. Being selfless is the path I have chosen to take. Although the way I do things may be morally incorrect, I do them out of the belief that everyone deserves some sort of break. So I steal from the rich to give to the poor. I break bones to get answers for people who need nothing more. And I kill. I kill to stop the killing. I kill the killers that have brought fear upon everyone.
Along the way I have had to make choices. These choices are neither this nor that, they are what you perceive them to be. My essential self is that of the selfless. I regret nothing because that would be selfish. Do I save a city of beloved people, or just the one whom I love? I knew what the answer would be right away. And yet..I hesitated. I thought about how hard you had been working towards redemption. I was there to witness the aha! moment in which you discovered the path you must take. I began to imagine what that path looked like. I saw you drifting away from your "friends", slowly, as to not make enemies out of them. You got a hard working job earning an honest living. Perhaps working on a nearby farm in Queensdale or in one of the many shops in Divinity's Reach. You were beginning your journey to Moksha, and I wanted so badly to be there through it all. As a friend and a girlfriend and a wife. I could picture us learning from each other. Traveling Tyria, fighting for our people.
That was my selfishness showing. I needed to suppress it as soon as possible. Do you think I took to long deciding what to do? If I had told Logan right away of my decision, could we have stopped Doc sooner? Would I have been able to save you too? Maybe..or maybe not. I can feel that you are not done in this world. Perhaps I will meet you in your new life. Until that moment I will travel Tyria. I will make myself some kind of legend in honor of our people! While one body may be all used up, I know you will receive a new. Your Atman was never born and therefore you can never be killed. I must let you go my love. I must fight without any attachments, without any limitations.
With love,
Raz Tenniym
I can feel the cool earth below my fingers as I bury my letter beside his gravestone. The sun is just setting. I spent all day writing and re-writing my letter to him. He always reminded me so much of the sister I lost. Maybe that is why I fell in love with him. I stand looking at the newly grown leaves upon the once bear tree branches as I wipe the dirt from my hands onto the front of my pants. Unsheathing one of my daggers I begin to scrape to dirt out from underneath my finger nails. Tomorrow is a new day. I'll begin here in Queensdale, helping whom I can and discovering new sights and challenges along the way. Maybe even make a few friends. My name is Raz Tenniym and this is my story.
A/N: I LOVE playing with new people on guild wars so feel free to contact me! I'm on the Fort Aspenwood server. My display name is LindenLow.5803. Raz is obviously one of my charcaters, but the one I most often play on is Adira Tenniym a Norn Warrior. She's only lvl 22 at the moment because I got a new account and I believe Raz is lvl 11. I've been gaining a couple lvls a day though. Thanks for reading! Reviews and critiques are always welcome! Especially since I haven't written for a while :p
