The impact of crash muffled my screams as we were forced into the middle of the street; one that we had safely driven before. Now it would be littered with broken glass from the shattered passenger window as it showered all over the asphalt.
My ears rang from the impact, causing the growing crowd of voices to be muffled as I cracked my eyes open with a groan. I barely registered my car door opening and a man with a southern drawl called out to me, "Ma'am are you alright?"
As he leaned over, the smell of burning rubber wafted through my senses and caused me to stir; to remember that I wasn't the only one in the car. "Will?" With the panic setting in, I clawed at my seat belt.
"Ma'am, I need you to hold still. You might be injured-"
"I might be." I turned my head to see Will slumped over in the passenger's seat. "But I can tell you my son is injured more than I am." I pointed out, feeling a pain radiating through my right arm as I tugged at my seat belt that didn't budge. "I need scissors. I need to help my son-"
"I promise you that an ambulance has been called to help both you and your son. Right now I need you to not move."
"I'm a doctor. I can help my son if you just get me out of here." I reached for the belt again, this time feeling a throbbing in my forehead as my left hand shot up to meet sticky, red blood. "At least tell me if he's breathing."
Another man in his fifties relented and went around to the passenger side, clearing some of the glass with his sweatshirt so he could reach into the car. "He's got a pulse, but he's badly hurt." I didn't need to hear the details to know that he could have anything from broken ribs, fractured skull, broken neck or worse. It was all my fault for not being able to protect him from the person who had run the red light. I couldn't help but recall the sickening crunch of metal hitting metal as the force hit into my son. With that image in my mind, I found it hard to control my breathing and felt my vision blur as the sound of sirens grew closer.
When I awoke next, I was in the sterile environment of a hospital room; a vast difference from the wreckage of my life turning upside down in a matter of minutes.
"What happened to my son?" I asked the nurse now standing beside me. We had worked together many times, her voice loud and clear when working together as doctor and nurse. This time her voice was silent and absent to my authoritative questions as a mother. Her expression was mixed with sympathy and sadness, like she knew something I didn't. Even though I could take a wild guess to what happened, I needed it to be confirmed. At the same time, I didn't want to hear it. Nobody wants to hear that their children are hurt or dead.
"Dr. Tyler, I need you to stay still."
"No! I need to know what happened to my son." Getting out of my bed, I walked out into the hall. "Does anyone know what happened to my son?" They gave me the same sympathetic looks. I was beginning to panic. I remember giving those same looks to family members when there was nothing more that I could do for their son or daughter.
"Cat." Len broke through the haziness as he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. As I read the look on his face, I felt my knees buckle just as he wrapped his arms around my waist to support the weight of grief that had just hit; to protect from the stares from everyone gathered around us, like we were a sideshow in the circus.
"No... no...no!" I pounded my good arm against his chest. "He can't be dead." My body wracked with sobs, a painful cry that echoed through the stark white walls.
Somehow, Len had managed to drag me back into my room, close the blinds and allow us to privately grieve for hours upon hours. Whenever a nurse did come in, I refused medication for my pain—for my grief was heavy enough to take me to unsettling dreams.
"What are we going to tell Sophie?" I whispered hoarsely to Len as we lay squished side by side in my hospital bed, our faces red and puffy from crying; our fingers touching to find some comfort in the situation we were in.
"I don't know if I can—" It was heartbreaking to hear his voice crack under such emotion that it sent a new wave of tears to our eyes.
"We can tell her together."
He sat up abruptly, propped up on his elbow. "How? She'll know something happened the minute she walks into this hospital."
"I need to get out of here anyway. I can't stand the constant stares and pity that we get whenever a nurse comes in. In fact, I would love to get out of here before Charles makes an appearance."
"You know they'll want you to stay, at least for the night, especially Charles." I knew he was right, but I couldn't help feel like hearing our boss express sympathy would be of any help; nor could being trapped in the hospital. In fact, being a doctor was useless for both me and Len.
"I can tell you right now that I need to be with my family. There is nothing we can do, or that Charles can do for us at this time. If he has a problem with that, then we can deal with that later, but I cannot stay in this room one more minute without our daughter knowing what happened."
"I guess that means I need to make some magic happen to break you out of here."
I gave him a teary smile as he stood up. "Thank you."
Thirty minutes later, I had signed a paper that stated I was leaving the hospital against medical advice. Len was wheeling me down the hall in a red t-shirt and black sweatpants that I would have used to go running in. When my doctor and nurses could not persuade us to stay, were told to think about the possibility of donating our son's organs, to which we replied that we would have to break the news to our daughter first before making our decision.
Neither of us could call or text without our emotions betraying us. She had been staying with a friend after school, so we thought it would be better if we just showed up instead of make her worry for the twenty minutes it took to drive over.
We had both been okay until we parked in front of the house, then we both felt our emotions skyrocket as we exchanged glances. "You okay?"
"I don't think I can do this. How are we supposed to tell her that he's gone?"
"I don't think we have a choice." Len spoke gravely, nodding over to the window where Sophie was happily grabbing her jacket. "And I think she knows we're here." He got out of the car, just in time to see our daughter bounding out of the house.
"Dad, what are you doing here?"
"Your mother and I need to talk to you."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No, it's nothing like that. Please just get in the car."
Sophie stopped cold in the middle of the sidewalk as I got out of the car. I was a pretty unsightly mess; puffy eyes, forehead stitched up and my arm in a sling. "Mom? What happened to you? I thought you were picking up Will from school."
"I was." My lips trembled at the mention of his name, causing me to take unsteady steps until I was standing on the sidewalk beside her.
"What do you mean you were? Wasn't he at school?"
Len nodded, trying to keep his voice steady. "When your mother and brother were coming home, a guy ran the light-"
"So he's injured?"
I almost broke down right there as I remembered Sophie's best friend had followed her outside. "Leslie, could you give us a minute?"
"Sure, Dr. Tyler." The teenage girl with jet black hair pulled into a side ponytail, unlocked the door and closed it behind her.
"Mom, tell me what's going on?"
"Sophie, the impact of the crash was on the passenger side." Sophie still looked unsure, so I went on. "Will sustained severe injuries-"
"But he's okay?"
"No, honey, your brother is not okay." I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes. "The injuries were too severe." As that information sunk in, Sophie immediately looked taken aback as she sat on the edge of the curb and rocked back and forth. Len and I exchanged tear-filled glances as we sat next to her on either side.
Minutes passed as we watched the sun go down in a red-colored sky. Sophie leaned her head against my shoulder, Len had his knees pulled into his chest, and a tear silently ran down my cheek. We were now a family of three and that was going to take awhile to get used to, whether we liked it or not.
