I can't. I can't feel what I feel. I can't. I can't I can't I can't.

I know this isn't normal. But I can't change my feelings. This is strange, yeah, I know, but I know you. I understand you. Because we are a lot like each other.

Hah. Who would have believed in this? My feelings for you? For sure not my friends.

Ach, my friends. I love them too. Every one of them. Ron, Hermione, Neville, and others. But I love you more than them. But they are everything I have and I could give them everything.

So, my dear, I can't feel this towards you. As I was saying, I know and understand you. That doesn't mean you are good person, because you're not. And I must ignore what I feel. For well being every other person in magical Britain. But not mine.

You became monster my dear, and every monster must be killed from hero's hand. But why this insane title became mine?

No one will kill you, only I can. But you will kill everyone so I can't ignore my 'duty'. And must ignore what I feel. For greater good.

So please my dear, don't look at me with those red eyes. Don't try to read my mind and don't try to change my mind, I don't think I could deny you anything. I must kill you. So don't look.

Doesn't matter how broken I am, doesn't matter if I'm already dead without you, or with only that thought. It doesn't matter what i feel, as long as I know, everyone will be happy. There will be no more people as I, and no other person will have to sacrifice everything. No more fear. So my dear, don't think about these tears on my cheeks. Think they are falling from fear of death. Don't think how much my hands are trembling. Don't think about it.

Don't make it hard for me, my dear. Because my Avada Kedavra will kill both of us. Believe me, if there was other way... Maybe if I could change you... But I know I can't. The one who would change... It would be me.

So you understand I can't feel that, right? I can't feel it towards you. I can't.

But, damnit, I love you so much.

And when you're already dead, I feel like i am the dead one with only emptiness inside me.

Do you see my dear? This is the reason why I shouldn't have felt this. But that probably doesn't matter anymore too. Because now I can't, I am not able to feel anything. Even when I see this amount of my friend's blood on the basement floor in my house.

Now I just can't feel anymore. I don't know how. Hey, look my dear, now we are even more similar than before, aren't we?