Life after love-

Matt:

I can hear everything, sitting here on my bed, goggles pulled around my neck and my eyes closed. I can hear the sound of the clock ticking,the wind blowing through the trees even the little birds singing.

Why are they still singing?

Don't they know it's the end of the world?

Slowly I open my eyes and look out that all too offensive window to the outside world. The sun is shining in, delicately painting the room with its orange morning light.

How dare it be so beautiful today?

How dare it even rise at all!

The warm breeze blows, but even it can't lift me. Nothing in my life feels the same, or right. My universe has come crashing down around me and yet the birds are singing, the wind is blowing and the god damn sun is still rising as if everything where completely normal!

Would it make me feel better if it rained? If the earth shook and this whole earth came crashing down into the abyss along with my heart?

No...

But I would feel less cheated...

I slowly get up and slink over to slam the window shut and draw the curtains. How dare the world out side go on when he left me all alone like this?

Mello... Why did you leave?

No! No I don't care anymore!

I sit back down and hug my knees. How I cant even remember how long it's been. Three months? Four? It seems like just yesterday and a thousand years ago all at once! I know he has probably moved on by now... Moved in with that slut of a girlfriend!

He's moved on...

So why can't I?

Again the tears start flowing. Even if he came back now i would never follow him again. It could never be the same. We could never be friends and I could never trust him.

So why do I hold on?

I take my lighter and give it a comforting flick though I don't light up a smoke, I just stare into the flame.

Maybe it's because of what I gave up? I lost everything to follow him. My home at wammys, the safety of what would be a long happy life, the only other person I held dear.

Near...

I wonder if his world still turns today?

I wonder if I managed to stop his?

I reach drop my lighter and reach for my mobile only to pause at the last moment.

No, Near can't help me.

Even if he could why would he want to? Why would anyone want to help me? I'm nothing more then the shattered shell of an already kicked dog. There isn't anyone in the world who would have me now. Why take in some broken toy when there are better things out there?

I give a soft sob followed by a loud whine.

Maybe it really is better if I just blow my head off? It's not like anyone will miss me. They will all move on again, just like they did this time.

I pull myself up with a grunt and shuffle over to the draw by the door. There has got to be a gun in this apartment of all places! There was always a gun in this apartment when Mello was still living here.

Just the name hurts now and I can't help but shiver.

He didn't even give me a good reason...

He just left...

I find what I'm looking for and fumble to put the bullets in place. Stupid thing, while everything else in the world rolls by in a happy day dream I still can't get the god damn bullets in the gun while shaking like this!

Finally done I put the barrel to my temple and turn to look out the still open window of the small kitchen.

"How dare the sun keep shining!" I hiss, not hearing the click of the door now behind me.

"Matt?" a small whisper comes in, sounding worried and weak.

Before I can turn my head to see who it is warm arms wrap around my stomach and pull me in close, a firm yet comforting hug from someone who had all but disappeared from my life.

But it wasn't Mello...

Those warm arms tighten a little and I feel soft white hair tickle against the back of my neck as he rests his forehead on my back.

I let the gun fall down to my side and let out a soft sob.

"Near..."

((oh dear lord all the angst! Sorry guys, needed to get these emotions out somehow! I may do a Mattxnear sequil if enougme people request it! Mostly though, this was about me writing out my heart break...

On the other hand dose anyone wanna rp with me? (shrugs) ))