Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the Teen Titans. I don't claim to own them and I'm not making any money off this.
Slipping Away
The room was far too bright. She had spent over a decade in this room and still her eyes could not adjust to the harsh light that seemed to emanate from all around her. How long had she been standing here, staring at the floor? Hours? Days? How long had it been since she last slept?
Did it even matter anymore?
When your existence consists of blocking out your own thoughts and staring into empty space sleep becomes little more than a boundary between one day and the next. Tired or rested her life would go on unchanged.
Her life had not always been like this. No, she hadn't been reduced to this wretched state overnight. There was a time when she would have longed for this type of solitude, a chance to lock herself away from the rest of the world. Back then the room had not been so completely barren. The light hadn't constantly seared her eyes. Everything had been different. She had been different.
And she hadn't been alone.
Had she been happy then? Had she ever been happy? She couldn't be certain anymore. At the very least her life must have been better.
So how had it come to this?
That question plagued her more than any other. Long ago, before her mind had first begun to turn against her, she had spent her days searching her memories for that fateful misstep. And now when all she wanted was to be free of all thought, that one question refused to leave her alone. But it wasn't the question alone that tormented her. Every time that question forced itself to the forefront of her mind it opened the door for an assortment of her inner demons.
As if on cue, images began to pass before her eyes. At first they were random and out of focus. And then, as she knew they would, they began to take shape. Dreams? Memories?
"My friends, greetings on this most benevolent of mornings!"
"Oh, hey Star. No way am I eating that junk!"
"How can you call my food junk? At least nothing died for my breakfast!"
Memories, if you could still call them that. Despite her isolation they were still largely intact. True, the images were a little faded and the smaller details had long since been forgotten. But the voices . . . The voices were still hauntingly clear. Each voice was distinct, unique. But they were faceless or rather the faces themselves lacked meaning.
It was bizarre, to say the least, that the memories had survived when their own significance had not. At times it was difficult to imagine that these memories belonged to her. Everything they represented seemed so distant now.
"Hey Raven, new book?" Masked eyes?
"Yes."
"So . . . we were thinking of having a movie night. Feel up to it? Any requests?"
"No." Was that her voice?
"No to whi-"
"No."
"Go away." She whispered softly, in the hollow voice that had become so familiar. Whether in response to her plea or of its own volition, the image shifted and lost form. And for a few blissful moments her mind was blank.
What was the point of these memories? What could her damaged subconscious ever hope to accomplish?
How had she fallen so far?
She had been so strong once. She had been a hero, a Titan. In the past she had helped defeat the greatest villains Jump City had ever seen. Even her demonic heritage had been kept in check. Despite her father's influence and her volatile emotions she had been in control. And now she couldn't even stop her own mind from tormenting her.
Knock Knock Knock.
Once she would have instinctively looked towards the door. But she had long since learned not to encourage them. As long as her mind remained focused they would eventually fade away. They were a distraction, nothing more. All she had to do was ignore them.
And then the voices were all around her.
"Friend Raven, are you troubled?"
"Come on Rae, I could use a hand with the T-car."
"Who wants to try my tofu sandwiches?"
"You know if you ever want to talk to someone . . ."
Was this some sort of cruel joke? To be faced with all the people she'd pushed away, now that she was alone. She hadn't wanted to push them away, not really. But it was all she could think to do, the only way to protect them from the evil inside her.
Who would have guessed they were the ones protecting her?
"I wish Robin were here."
"He's gone Star! He ain't coming back and we gotta deal with it!"
"Geez! Lay off tinman." Was someone missing?
"People come, people go."
A slight frown marred her features. She had replayed that memory countless times over the years but just now something had been . . .wrong. Had it been the words themselves? Were they out of order? What had been different? It was virtually impossib-
"So it's all over?"
" . . . It's been over for a while man. We just didn't see it."
"What happened to us?"
"I don't know."
It didn't matter anymore. The past could not be changed, at least not for her. No one would come to her rescue. She had made certain of that. For a moment a wave of emotion washed over her. Regret? No, it had been ages since her memories had caused her to feel anything. Relief? Possibly. These clashes with her subconscious always ended with that memory. And now, if only for a little while, the demons of her mind would leave her be.
"What's the matter? Afraid of the dark?"
The voice had taken her by surprise. They had never been this persistent. No matter. Unexpected as they were, they were still nothing more than echoes of a half forgotten past.
"Go away."
"Go away." Were they mocking her?
"Witch."
"Rage shall consume you!"
Closing her eyes brought no relief. The voices became relentless, growing louder and more chaotic as another piece of her sanity was worn away.
"Go away."
"I don't do fear."
"You're not real."
"Raven! Stop!"
". . . not real."
"People come, people go."
"Someone . . ."
"This is pointless."
"You're not going to cry are you?"
". . . help."
"Titans! Go!"
-
A/N: So what did you think of my attempt to get into the mind of someone who is slowly losing their own? Constructive criticism is always appreciated. I'd like to know what you thought about the "voice" (or maybe "voices" in this case) of the piece. Could you see why certain parts were in italics? This is actually just a prologue to a larger piece. Hopefully it piqued someone's interest.
