A/N I wrote this ages ago and posted it on my website. Finally decided to post it on here. Hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 1
Drew Turner was standing in the elevator at his new offices and waiting for it to get to the lobby. It was his lunch break and he was heading for the nearest coffee shop. He sighed when the elevator stopped on the 9th floor. The doors opened and he saw a petite blonde goddess standing there buckling one of her expensive looking shoes. She looked up, a little startled, and got on the elevator with a slight smile at him.
When she turned around, Drew noticed a couple of pieces of confetti in her hair. "Oh, um…." She turned around and looked at him expectantly. "I'm sorry. You've got confetti in your hair."
Her face turned bright red. "I knew I didn't get it all." She started to pick through her long hair. "I told them not to make a fuss today. It's just another day."
"Here." Drew reached out and gently picked the confetti pieces out of her hair.
"Thanks."
One of the pieces said Happy Birthday! on it. "Looks like it's not just another day. Yours?"
"Unfortunately."
"Why unfortunately?"
"I've never had much luck with birthdays. They've always turned out badly."
"Badly?"
"You know, gloom and doom and heartache."
"They can't all be bad."
"Oh, they can. I promise you they can."
"Well, I'd like to change that."
"How?"
"Have lunch with me today."
"Oh, I…. I already ate."
"Coffee then."
"I…."
"Married?"
"No."
"Engaged?"
"No."
"Dating then."
"God no!"
Drew smiled. "Then have coffee with me…. Just as friends. I'd like to have the chance to celebrate your birthday."
Buffy looked up at the handsome stranger. "Ok." She smiled. "Coffee it is, then."
Buffy Summers Turner lay on her stomach on her bed and cried into her pillow. She was almost 30 years old now. One year after the battle with the First and the creation of hundreds of Slayers all over the world, she had finally retired. She had moved to New York City so she could be near Dawn, who was going to NYU there. She'd found a job as an assistant to a fashion editor and had found the job tedious, but completely worth it once she started getting free designer everything. On her 24th birthday, she'd met Drew Turner, a sports journalist whose magazine had moved into the same building as her magazine. He had done everything he could to get her to go on a real date with him for a year. Buffy had wanted to stay friends, but she had slowly discovered that Drew was special and she didn't want to be without him.
The only other person she'd ever dreamed of a life with hadn't contacted her in years. The last time she'd talked to him had been a week after his battle with the Senior Partners. He and Illyria had been the only ones to make it out. She didn't know where they were now. She had also decided it didn't matter. Angel had signed away his Shanshu. There was no hope for them.
The day Buffy had realized that was the day she had said yes to a date with Drew. They had gone out on her 25th birthday with him swearing he would break the curse of "bad-Buffy-birthdays" and they had been pretty much inseparable since. On her 26th birthday, he'd proposed to her. Buffy's life had finally become normal and she was happy. She and Drew had planned everything out. They loved making plans together.
Their wedding had been on Buffy's 27th birthday. It had been Drew's idea because he'd said everything good had happened to them on her birthday. On their honeymoon in Italy, they'd made love, went sightseeing, and planned on having as many kids as they could in a large house on Staten Island. There was going to be "a dog and some fish and possibly a bird." He had always made her laugh even when she didn't want to.
Buffy let out a sob at that last thought and buried her head further into her pillow. She'd lost someone she'd loved before. She'd killed him herself. But losing Drew was a new kind of hurt. He'd been the first person she'd fully opened up to since Riley had left her. The first real, human man she'd ever truly loved. He had even taken her "big secret" in stride. He'd loved her fully…. All of her…. She'd never felt more loved in her entire life.
Buffy sat up, curled her knees up to her chest, and looked around her room. She'd retreated here to get away from everyone and be surrounded with memories of Drew. They'd been in the process of moving to that big house on Staten Island for a few months and their boxes were all around her. Buffy got up and walked over to the dresser. The mirror standing over it showed her a pale, drawn, red-eyed, blonde woman who'd seen more than her years should've allowed. And hanging over that mirror was a T-shirt of Drew's he'd tossed there before he'd gotten too weak to walk.
Buffy reached out and gripped it, pulling it off the mirror. She slipped it on over her strapless, black satin, sheath dress and pulled the collar up over her nose. Going out onto her balcony, she curled up on one of her comfy patio chairs that sat next to the balcony wall and breathed in the scent of the man she'd been in love with.
Downstairs, Willow was doing her best to keep things organized around the food table. Dawn was talking with Xander and Giles, but she kept her eyes on the stairs in case Buffy should reemerge. Drew's mother, Gillian Turner, was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Dawn had tried to convince her that she didn't need to do that, but Gillian had said it was better for her if she had something to do.
Outside, Angel stood in the alley across from Buffy's apartment watching the mourners go to and fro and tried to ignore the familiar pull on his heart. Dawn had sent him a couple of letters letting him know how her sister was doing. Angel had known about Drew. It broke his heart to learn another man made her happy, but it had been why he'd left her.
Then a week ago, he'd received a letter from the man who had managed to get Buffy down the aisle.
Angel,
I know we've never met, but I've been told a lot about you. My name is Andrew Turner. Drew for short. I'm married to Buffy Summers Turner. (And yes, I do know everything about her.) This is a little difficult for me, more so for Buffy, but….
I'm not going to see another month. About 7 months ago I was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. It's been interesting trying to get everything in order to prepare for…. The end. One of the things I've done is to arrange some…. surprises for Buffy to make losing me easier on her and to help her move on with her life. I don't want her to be miserable forever.
I know I don't have any right to ask this of you, but I'm asking for Buffy's sake.
Enclosed with your letter is a small package I've put together for Buffy that I'm asking you to deliver to her on her 30th birthday. I would've just mailed it to her or given it to one of her friends to deliver, but honestly I believe that she's going to need you.
I bet you're wondering what made me think that. Well, you were her first love and those don't go away no matter what. When she talks about you, it's always with more love than should be humanly possible. That's the love she'll need. And that's the love you can provide her.
So please, I'm pleading with you to deliver this package to my wife on her 30th birthday. I'll be eternally grateful.
HA! Eternally grateful! Get it?
Sincerely,
Drew Turner
Angel sighed and looked up at Buffy's balcony. He could hear her sobbing all the way down on the street. He desperately wanted to go to her, but he was afraid of what her reaction would be. It'd been years since she'd seen or heard from him. But Drew had needed Angel to face his fears for the woman they both loved with all their hearts. So, here he was standing in an alley in New York City watching Buffy from afar like he'd done so many times before in the past.
He looked up again as a tall, dark headed woman walked out onto the balcony and sat next to Buffy. Angel didn't recognize her from his vantage point.
Buffy looked up at Faith as she walked out onto the balcony. "Hey." The darker Slayer said. She'd really grown up over the years since Sunnydale. She also looked different. She'd cut her hair short, to just at her jawline, and she kept it slightly wavy. Her clothes were more conservative, but they were still sexy. Faith had also met her match in Robin Wood. They'd been together since Sunnydale, but neither of them wanted to get married. They lived together and Faith said that was just like being married and it was enough for them. "Thought maybe you'd like a friend."
"Oh, hey Faith." Buffy tried to act brave for her fellow Slayer, but she quickly crumpled and started sobbing again. "I miss him so much."
Faith hugged Buffy tightly. "Shh…. What are you doing up here by yourself? You've got all those people down there."
"I'm not… a big fan…. of crowds." Buffy buried her face in Faith's shoulder as she sobbed her way through the sentence. The two had gotten over their issues over the years and were now the closest of friends.
"Yeah, me either." Faith sat down on the opposite chair and held her friend until she had calmed down.
Buffy swiped harshly at the tears. "Oh, I'm sorry, Faith. You came all this way."
"No, B. It's cool. You lost the man you love. It takes a heartless bitch not to emotionally break down. You're just…. proving that you're not a heartless bitch." That got Buffy to smile slightly. "Hey, you're gonna be ok. You'll pull through this. I promise."
"How long are you in town?"
"A couple days. Not long."
"It's good that you came." Buffy wiped at her tears again. "I've missed you."
"Same here."
"Drew asked about you the day before he…." She couldn't bring herself to say it. "He said it would've been good to see you again."
"He was a cool guy."
"Yeah." Buffy sat up a little straighter and took a deep breath. "I've got so much to do. I've got to settle things with his lawyer and go over the will. You know, settle all of his affiars. I need to write thank you cards to everyone for helping out and coming to the…." She had to take another breath. "The funeral. Which all seems silly since we had time to…. To prepare."
"You don't have to do all of that now."
"It's got to get done sometime." Buffy looked down at her wedding rings. The engagement ring was a one caret, princess cut, flawless diamond set into a band of white gold with three little pink diamonds in a triangle on either side of the diamond. The diamond had been in his grandmother's heirloom ring. The wedding ring had small pink and white diamonds set in white gold all the way around the band.
Faith knew once the blonde set her mind to whatever task she'd set for herself, gods help the one who got in her way. At least Buffy would be preoccupied with everything and not thinking too much about how awful she actually felt. Faith found herself hoping that someone would come into Buffy's life to help her move on.
Buffy looked back in at her apartment. "This place is going to be too big without him."
"Then move." Faith said simply. She hadn't lost her bluntness.
"What?" Buffy shook her head. "No. It's too hard to find a place in New York City."
"So? You'll find something."
"No. I…. I like it here. I was just saying…." Buffy shrugged and stood up. "I need to go say goodbye. People are starting to leave."
Faith looked over the balcony and saw mourners leaving slowly. "Yeah." She followed Buffy down the stairs.
Angel stood on the other side of Buffy's door and listened to any signs of life inside. He'd waited until he saw Willow and Xander leave before he made his way up to the apartment figuring that if those two were gone, Buffy was alone. Hopefully she wasn't sleeping. He heard dishes clattering in a room inside, but he couldn't tell if it was just Buffy. Taking the chance, he knocked on the door.
A beautiful tall, thin, grey haired woman opened the door. "Yes?"
"I'm looking for Buffy." Angel said uncertainly. "I thought this was her apartment…."
"It is. Hold on one second." The woman turned, closing the door slightly, and walked towards another room to the right. "Buffy, there's a man at the door for you."
"Who is it?" Buffy asked wearily.
"I don't know. I'll finish putting those dishes up and then I'll leave."
"Ok, Gillian." Buffy walked over to the door and opened it. She let out a startled gasp.
"Hey." Angel said quietly.
"Angel." She still said his name in that breathy, praying way only she could do. "What…. Are you doing here?"
"I…. Uh…. I was in New York."
"Oh."
"You look…. nice."
Buffy looked down at her dress that was partly covered by Drew's shirt. "Oh, uh…. Thank you. God, this is awkward."
"Why?"
"I…."
Gillian came back out. "Sweetie, aren't you going to invite your guest in?"
"Oh, uh…. Come on in, Angel. Sorry. I'm not exactly myself right now." Angel walked in and Buffy shut the door. "Gillian, this is Angel. Angel, this is my mother in law Gillian."
"It's nice to meet you." Angel shook Gillian's hand.
"How do you know Buffy?" Gillian asked.
"I knew her a long time ago."
"Long, long time ago." Buffy said.
"Well, I'll let you two catch up, then. Buffy, if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call me. I know you like being independent, but I am here for you." Gillian hugged Buffy tightly.
"Thank you. I will." Buffy held the door for Gillian.
"It was nice meeting you." Gillian said to Angel before leaving.
Buffy turned to Angel as she shut the door. "So…."
"This place is nice." Angel said. "Pretty big."
"Yeah." Buffy's face started to crumple and tears sprang to her eyes.
"Oh…. Hey…." He started to go to her out of instinct, but stopped short.
"I'm sorry." She wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks. "It's completely random. I don't really have control over it." She looked up at him and Angel could see the broken woman she was. "My…. Husband…. He died. This was the thing after his…. His…." Buffy started to sob and she went into the kitchen.
Angel hesitantly followed her. "Is there anything I can do?"
"No." She sat down in a chair and cried into her hands. He couldn't take just standing there, so Angel walked over and touched Buffy's shaking shoulder. He squatted down next to her and Buffy allowed herself to be folded into his arms. After a long few moments, she quieted down and sat up straight. "Oh, I got you all wet." She swiped at the wet spot on Angel's jacket.
"It's ok."
"I'm sorry. It's just a really bad time for me."
"It's understandable."
"So, um…." Buffy composed herself enough to try to carry a conversation. "What're you…. What're you doing in New York?"
"A friend…. Asked me to come."
Buffy nodded her head slightly and went to start cleaning the already clean counter tops. "Uh…. How have you been?"
"I've been…. Ok."
"Hesitation."
"What?"
Buffy let out a quick puff of breath that was almost a laugh. "I'm sorry. Drew used to say that. He always knew when something was wrong and he'd call my bluff. He'd say 'hesitation.'"
"Oh."
"So…. Just ok?"
"It's been lonely. Illyria…. I don't know where she is. I've been living in Chicago and then I moved back to Europe…. Fighting whatever needed to be fought."
"What made you want to go to Europe?"
Angel shrugged. "I don't know. A sudden desire to get back to my roots? The whim of a 254 year old vampire? Take your pick. How about you?"
"What about me?"
"How have you been?" Buffy's breath hitched as she tried to sigh. "Oh…. Forget it. Please don't cry. I don't want to make you cry."
"No. It's ok. I had to endure all week of telling and hearing all these stories and memories of Drew." She finally turned to look at Angel. "To tell you the truth, it's the only thing keeping me sane through all of this…. Remembering who he was and how much he loved me. How've I been? I've been great…. Amazing…. Wonderful…." Buffy smiled slightly. "Loved." Angel had to smile. "Drew was…. He was Drew. He fought so hard for me and he never…. never stopped fighting for me." Buffy wiped at the tears gently falling down her smiling face and stayed silent for a long while. Finally she said, "Um…. So, where are you staying?"
"I don't know. I got here this afternoon and…. Well, I waited in the alley across the street. I was going to come up, but there were a lot of people and…."
"There's a guest bedroom." Angel looked surprised she would even offer. "If you want, I mean."
"I've had worse."
Buffy nodded at the words spoken so long ago about her floor in Sunnydale. "Yeah. I'll, uh…. I'll show you where it's at."
