This takes place during "The Lastest Gun in the West"
Man's Best Fiend
Simpson Household
It's Saturday morning, and Bart and Lisa are watching Itchy and Scratchy. They're laughing their heads off as Itchy chops off Scratchy's head. The two are still in their pajamas as they sat on the couch as they ate Krusty-O's.
"HA HA HA! Oh man, you gotta love the classics." said Bart.
"Yeah, and I'm against animal cruelty, so this really is good." commented Lisa.
"HEAVY BREATHING*"
"AHHHHHHHHH!" shouted the kids. They looked to see a fat oaf in blue pajamas with a Darth Vader-like helmet.
"AHHHH! A fat Darth Vader killed Dad!" yelled Bart. He grabbed the lamp and started whacking the ting with it.
"BART! I'm not a monster who killed your father. I AM YOUR FATHER!" yelled Homer. He removed the mask Artie Ziff gave him to show Bart he was telling the truth. Bart just shrugged and continued hitting his father.
"Why you little- hey wait a minute. Where's Marge?" asked Homer.
"Mom left last night. She left a note saying she feels like Artie Ziff is watching her so she went to Aunt Patty and Selma." answered Lisa.
"Then why aren't you at the table."
"There's no TV at the table." replied Bart.
"Good thinking boy. NOw I'll just have Marge- what a minute. If Marge isn't here, then she's not in the kitchen. And if she's not in the kitchen, then she's not making breakfast. If no one is making me breakfast, then that means I have to make my own breakfast! I-"
HOMER! This is your brain. Just shut up and slowly head to the kitchen and grab as much food as you can carry.
"Good thinking, Brain." Homer chuckled softly and went into the kitchen and returned with a stash of sugary, artery-clogging food.
"Hmmmm, artery clogging *glaaagghhh*" drooled Homer.
"Hey man, watch where you're drooling!" yelled Bart.
"Whoops, he heh. Hey why don't you have milk in your cereal?"
"I don't know how to open it."
"Stupid kid. Just watch the master." He started to grab for the cap of the jug, but then switched and grabbed the phone and punched in a few numbers. "Hello, 911? This is an emergency! I need you to pour me some milk. Hello? Hello?"
"So, how's it going master?" joked Bart.
"Shut it boy. Let's just call your mother." suggested Homer. He picked up the phone and dialed Patty and Selma's number.
"Hello" said a gruff voice.
"GO TO HELL!" shouted Homer and then he hung up.
"DAD!" yelled Bart and Lisa.
"Oops my bad." he redialed the number and someone picked up.
"Hello?" answered Patty
"Is this Patty or Selma?" asked Homer.
"Does it matter, fatso." said Patty.
"What's the difference, you're equally butt-ugly. Heh heh heh. Hello? Hello? They hung up on me! How rude!"
"Dad, give me the phone." ordered Lisa. She dialed the number and waited for answer.
"Alright Homer, if you don't knock it off-"
"Aunt Selma it's me Lisa." she said.
"Oh, what do you want?"
"Is my Mom there?"
"She was."
"What do you mean was?" asked Lisa.
"She's gone."
"Gone where?"
"Probably suffocated from their smoke or got crushed by their butts. Heh heh." chuckled Homer.
"I heard that. And for your information wise guy, she's at the police station." said Patty.
"What did you do!" yelled Homer.
"Well. last night we had a few glasses of wine, and we ended up repeating the Artie Ziff mistake."
"You mean meet him?"
"No, send an email to him. We were drunk and Marge was helping us with some online date site and we were sending messages to some guy, and... she wrote some bad stuff."
"Oh no, we better go get her out." said Lisa.
No wait! Homer listen carefully. We know the secret recipe for Duff beer." said Selma.
"WHAT! TELL ME YOU SHE-BEASTS!". He puts his ear close to the phone.
BLARRRRRE!
"AHHHHHHHH!" shouted Homer as he reacted to the klaxon.
"Heh heh heh." snickered the two.
Springfield Prison
Marge sat in a dark prison cell with a massive hangover. She didn't know why she felt like this but all she knew was that the cell smelled like urine. She tried to see what kind of crazy criminal she was sharing a cell with. She did like the fact she could sleep without loud snoring or Artie Ziff's voice. However, it didn't last.
SHINK!
She saw as the person on the top bunk drew a shiv from nowhere and woke up.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god. Just like in the movies Homer never saw but thinks he saw." Marge said to herself.
The inmate jumped off the top bunk and turned to face her.
"Get off my- Marge?"
"Jack?" Marge asked.
Getting a better look, Marge recognized the inmate as Jack Crowley. He had brown hair, a white shirt covering a six-pack abs, and blue pants.
"Marge Simpson, I haven't seen you in about a year. How have you been?" said Jack.
"A lot. I've been to Africa, played Tennis with professionals like Serena and Venus Williams, found a dead body, got sugar banned temporarily, and got arrested for threatening someone on the internet while drunk." said Marge.
"Wow. Sorry about scarying you. You were sitting on something" he said. Marge stood up and Jack pulled the sheets off to reveal some beautiful paintings.
"Oh sorry. I just thought you would be at me for ,you know, getting you arrested."
"Oh I don't blame you Marge. You're not the first person that ratted me out. Anyway, I thought you would be here to teach, not to get parole."
"Sorry, I'm not doing that anymore."
"Oh that's too bad. Lots of people here missed you, they said you were good for morale."
"oh, *murmur*."
"Simpson!" shouted Wiggum.
Marge saw that a Chief Wiggum was unlocking the cell.
"You're free to go. Apparently we made a mistake. Turns out prison and jail aren't the same thing. Boy is my face red." admitted Wiggum.
"Well it was nice seeing you again Marge. It was a pleasure seeing you. *sigh*"said Jack.
Marge looked back at Jck's cell and felt guilty.
2 days later.
Jack and the other criminals were in the exercise yard. Jack was trying to think of something to paint, but he couldn't find any inspiration. Or paint. Then he felt something at his feet, he looked to discover a kitten.
"What the-"
He turned to see police offiers handing out pets to criminals with Marge standing next to them.
"Marge? What in the world are you doing?"
"Well I felt like I shouldn't have just given up on you guys, so I risked my life to get some cats from that Crazy Cat Lady and went to some animal shelters that LIsa recommended and donated them to the Penitentiary to help calm some of the criminals and help with their, um, rehabillitations."
"That's really kind Marge. You're an inspiration to everyone. Who knows the kind of good this will do."
Meanwhile, in line for the animals.
"Next! Here's your puppy."
The guard handed the prisoner a one-year old dog that was white and friendly.
"You are so cute. I think I shall call you "Tybalt". And you shall be the key to eliminating Bart Simpson." said the crimnal.
"What have I told you about muttering about your evil plans." said the guard.
"Oh I am terribly sorry."
"Oh no problem Bob."
"Right goodbye." said the criminal known as Sideshow Bob.
Hope you enjoyed this firts part of Sideshow Bob's unheard of plan. PLease check out my other stories.
