Introduction

Do you have trouble getting dates?

Do you feel like no woman wants you?

Do you have your girlfriends constantly stolen from you by other men?

IS THAT YOU?!

If it is, you've come to the right book! How To Get Dates is written by none other than me, Colonel Roy Mustang, loved by ladies all over Amestris!

I was inspired to write this book when my good friend and subordinate Jean Havoc went into an almost comatose state when I UNINTENTIONALLY stole his girlfriend from him. Since then, I've wondered; Why am I so good with the ladies, whilst other men (I'm looking at you, Havoc) can't keep a girlfriend for more than a week? Then I thought; Why not help them? I've got ladies hanging off my arms- I could spare some for the other men of Amestris!

This book will tell you how to evaluate a woman, charm a woman, give her a date she'll remember for the rest of her life, and so much more! What more could you wish for, apart from less paperwork? And it's I, the famed Womanizer of Amestris (not that I'm ashamed), Roy Mustang, who shall guide you! The book is easily pocketable for easy reference on a date, when you're stuck for what to say! You'll never be dateless again with this book in your library!

I ran this book through my... Not-so-good friend, the Fullmetal Alchemist himself, Edward Elric, who had (note the past tense) no idea how to get a date! But now... He still won't ask anyone out... But he did say, and I quote:

'This book, it's actually good... No doubt it'll come in use to someone like Lt. Havoc. I had no idea you could actually write words, Colonel Idiot. I usually just hear nonsense flowing out of your mouth... I had no idea you could WRITE coherently, let alone SPEAK coherently! Anyway, before you fry me with your gloves... This book is good. Very informative, and detailed, and will help those dateless people out there, who's dates you keep stealing. But... Why are you showing this to me? I don't want a date...'

See? If Edward Elric can find good in my book, you undoubtedly will!

Contents

Introduction- Page 1

Chapter 1: Appearance- Page 2

Chapter 2: Evaluating a woman- Page 4

Chapter 3: Charming a woman- Page 6

Chapter 4: Taking her out on a date- Page 9

Chapter 5: Pick-up lines- Page 12

Chapter 6: Tips- Page 15

And there you have it! Read the book through and through, and you'll be on a date every day in no time!

Roy Mustang


A/N- Don't ask people. Don't ask. I simply had this crazy idea whilst watching 'Roy's a womanizer' on Youtube. Watch it, it's worth it!

And, by the way, don't actually do these. I am a girl, am not looking for a date (I've got better things to do *cough* Writing, playing, and watching anime *cough*) and I have not the faintest clue.

Roy: And that's why I'm writing this book.

Me: Sure you are. Anyway, disclaimer time. I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST. IF I DID, I'D BE TELLING YOU AT RIGHT THIS SECOND. AND I WOULDN'T PUT A DISCLAIMER. There.

Roy: Reviews are welcome (Fullmetal's doesn't count)! Just not flames. I'll burn them.

Ed: MINE DOESN'T COUNT?! I'LL SHOW YOU!

Me: *Backing away before the fight gets too messy* SAYONARA!