Disclaimer: I own nothing...

Many thanks to KJaneway115 who helped me with this!

A/N: A little series to the talk Janeway, Chakotay and Tuvok had on the bridge in 'Latent Image'. For those who need a reminder, they argued about the '77th Emperor's Cup', a Sumo fight which took place before they got stranded in the Delta Quadrant and both, Janeway and Chakotay, were present.

It's canon friendly with references to Jeri Taylor's 'Mosaic' and 'Pathways' (I think of them as canon), written from Chakotay's POV and broke into six chapters, each one is representing another point in his life.

One moment

To: Lt. Commander Chakotay

From: Vice Admiral Paris, Starfleet HQs

I looked at the PADD once again. Admiral Paris formally requested me to his office but he didn't write why. I tried the last few days since I received the message unsuccessfully to remember something I've done wrong.

A sudden thought makes me shiver. Could he know about Sveta's proposal? What would happen if he knew?

Without wondering more I breathed three times deeply and walked into the building. Admiral Paris was somebody with influence in Starfleet, his name alone could frighten a man. But not me I said to myself as I entered the turbolift.

His aide sat behind her desk as I walked into the room.

"I'm Lt. Commander Chakotay," I introduced myself. "Admiral Paris wants to see me at 1100 hours."

"Yes, Commander." The lieutenant nodded. "In a few minutes he will have time for you. You can sit down." She pointed at some chairs at the right wall.

I sat down and shifted uncomfortably in the seat. What if the Admiral really knew about the Maquis and that they wanted me to join them? He probably knew about the Maquis, everybody in Starfleet knew.

The problem was I didn't want to join them. I didn't want to fight for my home. It wasn't my home anymore and it felt like I didn't know the people there anymore. The planet had lost its meaning for me. Starfleet was my life now. But what if the decision for me to leave 'fleet is already made? What if I have after this meeting no place to go to anymore? What if Sveta, the person who helped me into the arms of Starfleet also 'helped' me to be thrown out of it?

I started to perspire and felt nauseous.

Before my mind could make me more nervous than I already was the door opened. My throat was suddenly tight. I was on the edge of jumping and greeting the Admiral as I saw that a woman left the room. A woman I've seen before. A woman I think of every lonesome night. A woman who doesn't know me…

=/\=

I knew I was late. And I knew I had to step onto a lot of people's toes to get to my seat. It didn't bother me. I just wanted to see the fight. So I stepped on other people's feet, murmured excuses to any of them and finally sat down in my seat.

It was worth it. People will talk about this event in years. And I was here. I saw it with my own eyes.

It was great, really, but I saw something else there that changed me. Changed my way of thinking; changed my deepest wishes.

I saw her.

She walked after the fight in a current of people towards me. I was, as always, swimming against the stream. But this day it was my luck.

I don't remember the other people who passed me. But I will always recognize her wherever I'll see her.

I stopped, caught in her appearance and stared at her. She had the most beautiful eyes I ever saw, blue and sparkling with a happy shimmer. Her small mouth was curved in a slight, crooked smile. It was the sweetest smile I've ever seen. Her hips were dancing and her blue sweater swung loosely around her waist with every step. I wasn't able to look away.

A young man stepped at her side and laid his arm around her. She smiled lovingly at him and he kissed her soft, auburn hair.

I was jealous immediately. I couldn't help myself because she really seemed to adore that man and he seemed to adore her the same way.

Afterwards I said to myself a thousand times that it was only a tiny moment I saw her before they faded in the crowd. Logically I knew that you can't know a person when you saw him or her only in a blink of an eye but my heart betrayed my mind and in my memory the moment lasted hours. It was love at first sight.

=/\=

Today was no shimmer in her eyes and no smile on her face. It wasn't like a dance anymore when she walked. She seemed older, somehow broken. I don't know why and my heart had burst into pieces.

She wore a Starfleet uniform with the rank of a captain. I hadn't even known that she's in Starfleet. I haven't seen her in a Starfleet institution until today.

She was gone before I could react. I think she'd never even saw me sitting there. I wanted to see her again and be brave enough to speak to her. I could have asked Admiral Paris who she is, but I didn't.

I tried to soothe myself that it will be fate to see her again. I also could have asked around if anybody knew her but this seemed a little bit too much. I didn't know this woman and what would she think about me if I ran after her?

But if I'll see her a third time, I promised myself, I wouldn't let her simply walk away from me and I would do anything I can to let her eyes shimmer and her hips dance again.

I just have to meet her once more or I will be my whole life incomplete.