The Things You Love Most
It's 4 am and Kate is sitting at the edge of Castle's bed. She was lost in her thoughts, not knowing what to do. Last night was great, but she didn't know if it was a mistake or not. Was this a good idea?
Castle was moaning and she awakened from her thoughts. "What are you doing?"
Kate couldn't look at him. She couldn't face him. "Nothing," she said quickly.
"Come on Kate, I've known you better. I know when there's something bothering you."
"It's nothing." She still couldn't face him. Scared of his reaction. Scared of her own.
"Then look at me if nothing's bothering you."
Slowly she turned around. A tear rolled down her face. "I'm sorry Castle."
He was amazed by her reaction. After four years she finally opened her eyes. But now, she closed them again.
"You came to me… Do you regret it?"
"I don't know, maybe."
The pain on Castle's face was unbearable for Kate. She loved him, but something told her she couldn't be with him. Her heart told her yes, and her mind told her no. She didn't know what to do.
Last night she came to him, telling him she almost died, and the one person on her mind was Castle. She almost died, but she held on. She didn't let go. She told him she wanted him, and now she got him, she was letting him go already. Again. Was this supposed to happen?
"You came to me last night. You almost died. We had sex. Doesn't that mean something?"
Kate looked at him. She bend forward and kissed him. "I love you."
When she pulled away she looked scared.
"If you love me, then why are you questioning us?"
"Honestly, I don't know. My heart loves you, but my head doesn't. I don't know which feeling or thought to follow."
"If you don't know, then why did you came to me?"
"You know, asking me the same questions won't help. I just don't know the answer."
She still sat on his bed. She couldn't move. It was like she was nailed to the ground.
Loving someone this much and not knowing what to do was killing her.
She started to cry. Castle was right, this meant something.
