Don't run away, not yet. It's not your time yet. You're wanted, needed and loved. Please hold strong for me.
Xo Jayy
I read that note at least 500 times in my head. I loved him, why did I love this man? Why should it matter if I walk this earth or not? Why should he even care about me? I'm not important anyway. If I was, he wouldn't have walked out of my life, he wouldn't have abandoned me and left me alone. He was my best friend, and he didn't care enough to stay just like all the rest. I thought Jayy would have understood because he was just like me.
My names Aiden Thomas, and I am hopelessly in love with my ex best friend, Jayy von Monroe.
I can't take this anymore, I really can't. Jayy left me, and he was my only friend. No, scratch that. He was more than my friend. He was my best friend. I needed him. I was in love with him. I wanted to be more than his best friend, but he would never have me. He always wanted someone better, prettier, and smarter.
I'm done. It's never going to happen. Jayy left me for his dream. Jayy left me for Dahvie.
Tonight was my last night. I'm going to say good bye. Nothing will stop me. I just can't go without saying good bye.
I live alone, and my family's dead. I have to call him. Tell him how I feel. So, I grab my cell phone buried on my desk, and dial his number.
"Hey its Jayy leave a message" the phone says to me. Hah, straight to voicemail. Like always. I'm not important enough anymore.
"Hey Jayy… It's me. I just want to say I'm sorry. I can't take this anymore." I paused to take a breath to steady myself, but failed as tears fell from my eyes. "Just know that I loved you. Please don't blame yourself. I couldn't be strong anymore. G… good bye Jayy." I cried into my phone and hung it up.
I crawled under my bed and dug the box out that had everything I wanted in it. Everything to insure that I died: a razorblade for the cuts, a bottle of pills, and if those failed… a gun for the final blow.
I smiled to myself looking at my choices.
Slow and steady at first, Aiden. You deserve it. You don't deserve it to end fast.
I was right. I didn't deserve it. I pulled out the razor blade and made a slow, deep cut down my arm.
And another, and another.
Slowly, my vision started to blur. Before I would pass out, I grabbed the water from my desk and was about to take a bunch of pills when "All the Rage!" started playing from my phone.
Jayy.
I blinked, and tried to fight back long enough to answer.
"H.. hello?"
"Aie? Aiden is that you?" Jayy said, sounding like he was crying.
"Yeah… i.. it's me." I smiled a bit as I spoke.
"Please tell me you're okay… please tell me you didn't do anything." He begged, making it obvious that he was crying.
"I'm sorry Jayy. I really am."
"Where are you?"
"Home."
"At the same apartment we lived in together? Is it the same key to get in?"
"Yes.. and yes.."
"I'm in the city… I was going to track you down. Stay there and hang on for me. Please."
"I… I can't Jayy. I'm barely able to see." I let out a heavy breath, everything fading. No… Jayy wants me. Fight off the darkness. Just a little longer.
"Hang on okay? I'll be there in a few minutes. I'm on the first floor now okay? I just have to go up to the apartment. Please.. hang on till I get there." He begged and hung up.
I kept breathing heavy trying to decide what to do. I couldn't wait for him. I slowly stood up and steadied myself. I didn't bother with the pills, I went for the sure way to die; my gun.
I picked it up in my hands, the silver color shining in the light. I stared at it in awe, I couldn't believe it was ending. My pain was finally ending.
"I… I'm sorry Jayy." I whispered as a few tears escaped from my eyes.
"No you're not. If you were you wouldn't do it." Jayy said as he stepped up and held his hand over the safety on the gun, preventing me from releasing it.
"Jayy…." I whispered and looked up at him. Confidence and stubbornness being the only things holding me up.
"Dahvie called the paramedics. You can't die on me. You mean way too much to me. Let's put this away and hide it before they get here. We don't need them to lock you away now that I have you back." He said as he pulled the gun from my hand and placed it in the box.
"Let's go wait by Dahvie for them…" I whispered and moved over to head to the door, stumbling immediately.
"I got you." Jayy whispered as he grabbed me and lead me to the hallway to wait for the paramedics, locking my apartment behind him. "Dahvie, this is Aiden. Aiden this is Dahvie. Aie, once you get better you'll get to know him more."
After a long 2 minutes of silence, the paramedics finally shown up, and put me on a stretcher. As they put me in the ambulance, Jayy looked me dead in the eye and said
"We have a lot to talk about later. I won't forget this."
I sighed, and let the darkness finally take me into a deep, temporary, slumber.
