Standard disclaimer applies.

Chapter 1: Beautiful women are beautiful


Kagura was feeling exceptionally pretty today. Dressed in her Yoshiwara clothes, she felt like a lady prepping up for her debut to society.

It was nothing like that though. She, together with the rest of her Yorozuya co-workers, found themselves in the Snack Smile cabaret that Monday evening. The Shogun was visiting and for some reason, Shimura Tae was again the only sick-free hostess available to accommodate him and his entourage. The lack of manpower prompted the manager to request for their services, owing it to their successful performance last time.

However, unlike the previous incident, her anego forced her to wear a kimono instead of her pink cheongsam. The older Shimura also disallowed the wearing of heavy makeup, saying both were requests from the Shogun's camp. She even pointed at Paako and Pachie, who were wearing furisode instead of their trademark towels.

Looking around, Kagura saw that everyone was in their kimono, except for Sa-chan. The masochist ninja was clothed in her favorite red S&M play costume.

"Ah. We can't do anything about Sa-chan," Tae explained sweetly, although Kagura could see the maniacal glint in her eyes. Scared that anego will force feed her infamous tamagoyaki if she questioned more, the amanto just nodded, understanding that there is an ongoing rivalry between the two.

With all of them already dressed for the occasion, they went to the stairs to welcome the guests.


Police chief and Snack Smile regular Matsudaira Katakuriko once again led the Shogun's entourage. Unlike before though, Kagura was relaxed. With what had happened before, she is under belief that the members of the Shinsengumi are dumb enough to actually recognize her two cross-dressing co-workers. 'Baka tax robbers. This is why you can't catch Zura.'

"Oi. You better take care of the shogun," the demon vice commander Hijikata Toushiro threatened. "Maybe not the old man, but make sure that the Shogun is entertained. 'Ya hear me?"

After his threat, he proceeded to walk out of the scene, followed by the first division sado gaki captain and their gorilla commander, who was already making passes at her anego. However, their exit was halted by the so-called old man.

"Kondo! Shou-chan requests that you three plus Yamazaki stay and have fun," Matsudaira said. "It's good for virgins like you."

In front of her, Kagura could see that Gin-chan was holding back his laughter. He was also holding back an unnecessary comment that would really make the Mayora unsheathe his katana.

"Yeah, it's good for us," the Gorilla said stupidly.

"Yeah, it's good for you Hijikata-san," the Sadist tried incensing him further. But unluckily for him, Hijikata saw through his ruse and resigned to stay in the cabaret to avoid further complications.

With all things settled, Matsudaira motioned the Shinsengumi members to pick their girls. The Shogun already chose Kyuubei, who was surprisingly blushing from the turn of events. Gin-chan and Shinpachi also decided to stick with the Shogun, scheming to get a bountiful tip from the leader of the land. On the other hand, her anego grabbed the Mayora's arm and led him to a booth, even before he could decide and even before the Gorilla could call out her name.

"Toushi! How can you do this to me?!" the commander cried with snot running down his face. But while Hijikata felt a great deal of respect for the man, he was not above torturing him for being stupid, especially when he insinuated that he was a virgin. It didn't also help that anego was glaring at him darkly.

'Heh. Edo boys are really wimps.' For focusing her attention to the building love triangle, Kagura failed to notice the interactions among the remaining unpaired Shinsengumi members. The stupid Sadist had his sadist mode on and was enticing Sa-chan to an S&M play.

She was a little ticked off, but she told herself that this was because of the disgusting display of immorality that Gin-chan told her about. The amanto was biting her lips to prevent her from saying something stupid that would end up with her and the Sadist destroying the place. She needed the money to buy food and probably some games. She did not want the money going back to the manager for repair bills.

Resolved to be on her best behavior tonight, she focused her attention to the Shinsengumi jimi instead. 'I could have fun teasing him about Tama. He's easily scared too. I could definitely force him to give me a large tip.'

Her scary vibes probably reached him, because he opened his mouth and said, "Well, I pick the Chin—"

Even before he could finish saying her nickname, Kagura found herself swooped by her rival, who had left the megane ninja in a fit of masochistic monologue on the floor.

"I'll have this girl then."

"Put me down Sadist!"

And he did unceremoniously put her down.

"You asshole!" Kagura shouted as she rubbed her backside to relieve the pain.

"Oi, I might arrest you for hurting a poor policeman's heart," he exaggeratedly exclaimed. Kagura just rolled her eyes in irritation as they settled in the far-most booth in the cabaret.

'This is good. Gin-chan can't see me. Sadist, you're going down.'

Okita Sougo never knew what was coming to him.


More than her physical strength, Kagura believes that her feminine wiles are stronger. That's what her anego taught her. And she was going to use that to bring the Sadist down, once and for all.

Changing tactics, she forced herself to avoid physically hitting him. She would play the best hostess he ever had. She would startle him and strip him off his defenses.

"So what do you want to have?" Kagura asked sweetly as she scooted closer to him. Proximity be damned. Anego told her that guys get flustered when girls do indeed get near them. "Dom Perignon? It's good."

"China, have you even tasted this? I thought danna only allows you to drink milk and juice. Have you been drinking? Shall I add these to your list of criminal offenses?"

Unperturbed by his threat, Kagura decided to play along with him. "On what grounds?"

"Underage drinking."

It's going to be a lot harder to help herself from bashing his face.


What do you think? This will probably be a three-shot at most. :) Please review.