As I had always read in books, and what I had come to believe, is that any pain, fears, or trouble you have would all disappear with the one you love. I mean, that's happily ever after, right? When you get into a relationship, boom, instantly, your personal feelings are okay.

But it can't be true.

It is true, though, I'm in love. Just recently feelings became mutual with my long time friend, Hide. He loved me. I loved him. More then friends love. So, then, it should happen? The dark feeling I have inside should disappear. But, it hasn't. When I'm with Hide I'm okay, but alone, I'm not.

This feeling inside me had been there for so long, shouldn't it be all okay now?

It had all started when I was younger, I mean, we all know the story of what it was like when I was younger. Things did start to get better, though, once I went to college and I was on my own. I lived nicely by myself, and I had my best friend with me at course, sometimes I had off days where I would feel down and even if nothing wrong happened to me, I would just feel under the weather. But it would come and go, and then I would go on with my life. It was nothing I would feel concerned about.

Things started to get really bad though for me when I knew I really loved Hide. I did love him, but I didn't know if he loved me. I told myself over and over that even being friends was okay. But, it just hurt so much. I darkness feeling just seemed to appear whenever I thought about that.

It actually was not me who confessed, though, when Hide and I got together. It was just an average day after school, and Hide was walking with me, as I had told him I wanted to stop by a bookstore to pick up a new book. We were alone walking down a path as leaves fell indicating autumn was approaching. We had been waking in a comfortable silence and soon I noticed Hide stopped behind me slightly. I turned around and looked at him. He had his fists clenched and his head turned to the side so I couldn't see his expression. "Hide?" I started to question. "Kaneki," he had started, "I can't keep going like this." I remember the feeling of my heart dropping thinking of the turned and faced me finally with a weary smile, "Kaneki, I don't care if you don't feel the same, but I have to say it. I really love you. And not just as a friend, I just really really love you. I need you to know this. I have felt this way for a while..." It was at that moment I started feeling tears roll down my cheeks as I looked at him "H-hide." Words caught in my throat as I tried to speak "I love you too. I have for a while as well." The next thing I could remember was Hide cupping my face in his hands and we shared a long passionate kiss. As all that happened I remember feeling like everything was suddenly better, anything I felt was just lifting off my shoulders and going away.

But, that was now over 2 weeks ago, and whenever I'm alone, I get that darkness feeling still.