A/N Just a bit of fun!
Sherlock really, really liked sex. But he was kind of a douchebag to everyone, so he didn't get much. He liked to think that he was better than everyone else, but in reality he was just as base and awful as they all were. He tried to hide it though. He often thought about propositioning John, but worried it would be too weird and emotional. He didn't want emotional.
One night, after he came home from a horrible murder scene, he found found John naked in the kitchen. Naked except for red socks with little penguins on them.
"John," Sherlock asked, "Why are you wearing penguin socks?"
"Really, Sherlock? That's what you notice? I'm standing here naked in the kitchen making tea, and you are asking about my penguin socks?"
Sherlock slipped off his coat. "You don't need to get fussy. I was just asking."
"Want a cuppa?"
"You still haven't answered my question about the socks with the stupid flightless birds."
John sighed loudly and turned to give Sherlock a full view of his frontal package. It wasn't that impressive, but it was decent. "I am wearing them for you, of course."
Sherlock just stared at John's stupid feet. In the stupid socks. Attached to his stupid legs.
"They are really stupid."
"I think you've already implied that."
John leaned his bare butt onto the counter. Sherlock grimaced. Ew.
"I want you take them off of my feet and suck my toes. And then I want you to jerk me off. And then I want to hear 'Flight of the Bumblebee' on your violin."
Sherlock was a little turned on by John's complete nonchalance. He was expecting tears and declarations of love, but John was just very clinical about the whole thing. Doctor all the way.
"All right. Where?"
John poured his tea from the teapot. "Um, how about the sitting room? I don't think I want you in my bed."
"Fine. I will ... let me remove my boots and we can get down to business." Sherlock went back into the hallway and took care of his excess clothing. He returned to find John lounging on the sofa with his cup of tea.
"Do you have foot fetish, John?"
"What? No. I just want to see you with the penguin socks in your teeth."
"Right." John kept sipping his tea while Sherlock slowly removed the penguin socks. Once they were removed, he sat back and looked at John, trying to figure out if he was going to just drink his bloody tea throughout the whole ordeal.
"None of this makes sense," Sherlock finally said.
"Ah!" John exclaimed, and set the empty cup on the back of the sofa. "That's exactly it! No pattern! No reason! Just penguins and penises!"
Sherlock took John in hand. "Are you trying to confuse my genius?"
"A bit, yeah."
"Well, it's working."
Sherlock proceeded to jerk John off. He tried desperately to make sense of what was going on, but he had to admit that John had outwitted him. When he finished, and when he ended "Flight of the Bumblebee" with a flourish, John sprawled naked on the pillows.
He grinned manically while making 'grabby' hands at his friend's belt. "You turn, my dear Sherlock! I'm going to suck you off!"
Sherlock looked taken aback, but was secretly pleased by John's challenge.
