This is just a silly idea I had a while ago, but I found that the more I thought about it the more I wanted to write it. Please bear in mind that I am a very inexperienced writer, so these will all probably range somewhere between mediocre and terrible.

Disclaimer: I, of course, do not own Naruto. I also don't own any of the DC characters appearing or mentioned in this story.


1. The Question

It was late at night and Sasuke was heading to bed when he heard a loud bang coming from outside. Immediately on alert, he rushed to his window and peered through the blinds into the darkness. For most other people it would have been next to impossible to make anything out, but with his Sharingan he was able to spot what was clearly a person outside his home. Sasuke felt his heartbeat quicken. Who was that out there, and why was he sneaking around the Uchiha district in the middle of the night? Was he a thief? Or had he come to kidnap him and take his dōjutsu? Steeling himself for what could be a difficult fight, he pulled his window open and slipped silently into the night.

It was unseasonably cold that night and Sasuke had to suppress a shudder as his bare feet landed on the frigid ground. He crouched and began to sneak to where he could hear the faint sound of rustling and footsteps. With his Sharingan active, he quickly and easily spotted the intruder. The person (Sasuke guessed that he was a male, though it was difficult to be certain) wore a long, blue coat, and a strange type of hat that Sasuke had never seen before.

He was facing away from Sasuke, and to Sasuke's horror he saw that the intruder was rooting through his garbage can. What sort of filthy degenerate went through other people's trash like that? If he had rooted through a public dumpster that would've been bad enough, but to do it so blatantly outside of his home? He decided then that he had seen enough and, kunai at the ready, began creeping up on him.

The intruder continued to pick his way through Sasuke's garbage, seeming not to notice that he was in any danger. He was just starting to examine some used bandages from a training accident when Sasuke leapt on top of him. He shrieked as he fell, knocking over the garbage can and strewing half eaten rotten food across the ground. Sasuke pinned him to the ground, one hand twisting his arm behind his back, and the other holding a kunai at his throat.

"Alright," he growled, "tell me who you are, and what you were doing going through my garbage."

To Sasuke's immense surprise, he felt the person beneath him relax.

"Oh, it's you. Hi Sasuke," the reply came in a familiar voice.

"Naruto? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it is, so could you let me go? My arm's starting to feel numb."

Sasuke debated with himself over whether he should grant that request, or just slit the boy's throat anyway. Finally, with an aggravated sigh, he pushed himself off Naruto and stood up. Naruto pushed himself up and, still facing away from Sasuke, began rubbing his sore arm.

"You didn't have to be so rough, you know," he complained. "You damn near dislocated my elbow."

"Good," Sasuke retorted angrily, and grabbed Naruto's shoulder to turn him around. "Now you are going to tell what the fuck you were doing in-" Sasuke's word's froze in his throat as he got a look at Naruto's face, or rather his lack thereof.

"Naruto?"

"Yeah, Sasuke?"

"What happened to your face?"

"Oh uh..." Naruto sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, tilting his hat askew. "Well, y'see I tried shaving without any shaving cream, and it didn't turn out so well."

Sasuke stared at him for a moment.

"You were shaving."

"Yes."

"Without any shaving cream."

"Mmm hmm."

"And you cut your entire face off."

"Yup!" Naruto nodded his head. "Yeah they never warned me about that. I just put the razor to my face and the whole damn thing started peeling off!"

Sasuke let out another sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Naruto had always been irritating, but this was taking things to a new high.

"Alright, whatever. Just explain what you were doing going through my trash," he said, trying to keep his temper under control.

"I go through everyone's trash," Naruto shrugged.

"What? Why?"

Naruto looked from side to side, and made sure that they weren't being watched before leaning forward and cupping his hand where his mouth would be.

"I'm looking for answers," he whispered.

"Answers? What kind of answers are you-"

"Shh! Don't let them hear you!" Naruto hissed.

"What?" Sasuke was now seriously considering beating Naruto until he was unconscious and leaving him in an alley somewhere.

"You have to be careful, you know," Naruto replied, keeping his voice low. "It's dangerous for someone like me, seeking the truth. If they find out I'm on to them they'll have me killed for sure."

"Okay..." Sasuke was beginning to feel uneasy. This was not normal behavior for Naruto. "Who are 'they?'"

"The secret cabal that's been ruling the world since the days of the Rikudō Sennin."

Sasuke's jaw went slack. Whatever answer he had been expecting, that had certainly not been it. He briefly, very briefly, considered inquiring further, but decided that it just wasn't worth it. He was tired, and this whole thing had simply been too strange for him. He didn't know what had come over Naruto all of a sudden, but he was sure that it wasn't anything he wanted to get involved with.

"Sasuke?" Naruto was beginning to feel uncomfortable at the way Sasuke was staring at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"Just get the hell out of here," he responded. "And don't ever do this again, or I swear I really will cut your throat."

Naruto just stared, and Sasuke couldn't tell if his words had gotten through to him. After a moment, Naruto turned and started whistling tunelessly as he strolled away. Sasuke felt his shoulders slump and he let out a third sigh. Had that really just happened? If he didn't know any better he'd swear that he'd been dreaming, or under the influence of an extremely twisted genjutsu. He decided then that it was probably for the best if he didn't put too much thought into it. It was very likely that this was just a prank, or some bizarre plan of Naruto's to get attention.

He looked down at the garbage scattered across the ground and grit his teeth in annoyance. As he bent over to clean up the mess Naruto had left, he resolved to land at least one solid kick to Naruto's groin the next time they sparred.

000

Naruto could see the signs of it everywhere. In newspapers, on the labels of milk cartons, even on the one hundred ryō note. Their evil tentacles had wormed their way into every corner and crevice of society. Sometimes the signs were so obvious that he wondered if they were taunting him. Just the other day he'd sneaked a copy of Icha Icha Violence out of a bookstore and was about halfway through when he had spotted it. The book had mentioned a "sordid love tesseract" and he knew immediately that it was a sign.

Tesseract, a four-dimensional shape. He'd known for years about the four-dimensional hyper-beings that had arrived on the planet eons ago. It was even likely that the Rikudō Sennin himself was one of them. Based on his findings, he knew at least three of them were also such beings. So it became clear to him that the book's author, Jiraiya of the Sannin, was in on it. One of the Sannin, the current Hokage's student. Naruto knew then that all of Konoha was likely under their grip.

He sighed to himself as he walked to Team Seven's assigned meeting spot. It wasn't easy, uncovering the truth. Peeling back the lies, the obscene falsehoods, had tested his sanity time and time again. There had been plenty of occasions when he wanted to forget all about his startling revelations, to go back to being one of the happy sheep that populated the village. But he knew that he couldn't shirk his responsibility. Someone had to find all the answers.

He made a left turn, and began following the trail into Training Ground Three. They'd been informed by Kakashi-sensei the day before that there would be no missions assigned to them on this particular day. So they would spend all of their allotted time on training. Naruto didn't know what exactly they would be focusing on today, but he hoped that it didn't have anything to do with genjutsu. He felt that his life was already filled with enough illusions and falsehoods. He really didn't need any more inflicted on him by his own sensei.

He didn't have to walk much longer before Sakura and Sasuke (Sakura and Sasuke, why do both of their names start with an "S?" Must investigate further.) came into view. Sasuke was sitting up in a tree branch, his back against the trunk. Sakura, meanwhile, was leaning against the tree beneath him. They both noticed Naruto approaching at the same time, and looked up. Sasuke merely glared at him for a second upon noticing that he was still dressed in those odd clothes. Sakura, however, openly gaped at him in complete and utter shock.

"N-Naruto? Is that you?" she asked after a moment.

"Um, yeah, it is. Don't you recognize me, Sakura?" Naruto replied, confused.

"No! No, I don't recognize you! What happened to your clothes? What happened to your face!?"

"Oh, well, I overdosed on acne medication," he chuckled, "As for the clothes, well, I always wear these. Jeez Sakura, didjya forget or somethin'?"

Sakura was stupefied. "I- you- what-"

"Wait a minute," Sasuke interrupted, "you told me it was because you were shaving."

Naruto began fidgeting. "Well, y'see-"

"Wait, you mean you knew about this?" Sakura looked up at Sasuke. "How long has he been like this?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Since last night, at least."

"Last night?"

"Yeah, caught him going through my trash."

"What!? Naruto!" Sakura turned, outrage evident on her face. Naruto felt a chill run down his spine, and he instinctively took a step back.

"Wait, I can expl-" Naruto didn't get to finish his sentence before a fist collided with the top of his head, flattening his hat and making his knees buckle.

"Sakuraaa!" he whined, yanking his hat off and clutching at his aching skull.

"You idiot!" Sakura seethed at him. "What the hell did you think you were doing, going through Sasuke's trash like that!?"

Naruto continued rubbing his head for a moment, before casting a forlorn gaze at his crumpled hat.

"See, look what you did!" He cried indignantly, holding it out to her. "You ruined it!"

"I don't care about your stupid hat!" she retorted. "You can't just go through people's garbage!"

"But I was investigating," he protested, "I had to find out if Sasuke was in on it."

"I-what?" Naruto's strange statement threw her off track. Above them, Sasuke sighed and shook his head. He was not looking forward to this.

"You know," Naruto said, in a hushed tone, "the conspiracy."

"Okay... What conspiracy would that be?" Sakura felt confusion, and just a hint of dread, bubble up within her.

"You don't know, Sakura?" Naruto shook his head. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one here."

"And what does that mean?" Sakura felt her blood begin to boil once more.

"Well, it's just that I was able to figure it out, so I thought it would be obvious to you," Naruto replied cautiously.

"Figure what out?" Sakura demanded.

"That there's a hidden group of people controlling the world," Naruto stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Sakura stared at him for a moment. "Wh-What?"

"Yeah, they've been at it for centuries. Did you really not notice? You can see the signs of it everywhere, you know."

Sakura opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it. She turned and glanced up at Sasuke who merely shrugged.

"Don't ask me," he said, "I want no part of this."

She turned back to Naruto, and after a moment gave him what she hoped was a placating smile. She didn't know what had come over Naruto, but clearly he was mentally unstable.

"Alright," she asked him in the kindest voice she could muster, "do you want to tell me what some of those signs are?"

"Well, there's the coded messages in pop songs, the hidden instructions on the backs of cereal boxes, the mind control serum in tap water, and a bunch more stuff. I have notes, if you want to look at them." Naruto reached into his trench coat and pulled out a thick notebook. He held it out to Sakura, who took it tentatively.

The book's cover was worn, but blank, and some of its pages stuck out as if they'd been torn out before being stuffed back in. Sakura carefully opened it, and began reading. As she did, she quickly realized that she was staring into the face of madness. Partially finished sentences, bizarre symbols, and cryptic phrases were etched wildly into every corner of the pages. On one page it seemed that Naruto had taken the first letter of every newspaper in Konoha and arranged them in different ways to see if they formed a message. On another there were torn out passages from books with certain phrases highlighted.

None of it made the slightest amount of sense, and Sakura knew then that her teammate had gone completely insane.

"Well?" Naruto asked, making her jump slightly. "What do you think?"

"Um, yeah this is... It's really something," she answered, trying to keep her tone level. "Hey, could you go stand over there for a moment?" She pointed at a distant boulder. "I need to talk to Sasuke."

"Oh, uh, sure," he said, and with a quick wave, began walking away.

"We have a problem," Sakura said to Sasuke as soon as Naruto was out of earshot, "Naruto has lost his mind."

Sasuke smirked. "You mean he had one to begin with?"

"This is serious!" she admonished. "I think there's really something wrong with him."

"Oh, come on," he rolled his eyes, "Naruto's always doing stupid shit for attention, just ignore him."

Sakura shook her head, "No, I don't think this is just a prank. Here, look at this," she handed the notebook up to Sasuke. He let out a sigh through his nose before, reluctantly, taking it.

He read for a few moments, and Sakura saw his brow begin to crease. Finally, he snapped the book shut.

"Yeah alright," he said in a low voice. "I see your point."

"So what do we do?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing for us to do. We'll just have to wait until Kakashi-sensei gets here, and tell him. He'll know how to handle this."

000

Sasuke and Sakura spent the rest of their time waiting in silence. Naruto, however, kept humming the tune of a song they had never heard before. He'd been at it since Sakura had waved him back over, but neither of them wanted to say anything to him about it. So they sat, both of them too wary of Naruto to speak. Finally, mercifully, Kakashi appeared in front of then in a cloud of smoke.

"Yo," he gave a small wave, "Sorry I'm late. I was-" he froze as he noticed Naruto. "Alright Naruto, what are you doing?" he asked after a brief pause.

"Eh?" Naruto tilted his head, "I'm not doing anything, Kakashi-sensei."

"Yes, yes you are," Kakashi countered, "You're wearing those ridiculous clothes. Also, what happened to your face?"

"Hey! My clothes aren't ridiculous! And as for my face, well, I cut myself shaving."

"You cut yourself shaving," Kakashi repeated, taken slightly aback at how absurd of a lie that was. "You're telling me that you cut off your whole face while you were shaving."

"Yes."

Kakashi gave a soft sigh. "Naruto, you're not even old enough to shave."

W-Well, the thing is-" Naruto stammered.

"You're wearing a mask, aren't you."

"Um, no..."

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura interrupted. "You should look at this. We think something's wrong with Naruto." She held out the notebook. Kakashi took it and flipped it open. He read it silently, his single exposed eye betraying no hint of any emotion.

"Well," he said, not looking away from the page, "I'll give you credit, Naruto. You've pulled a lot of stupid stunts since we became a team, but you've never put quite this much work into it before."

Naruto was deeply offended. "Stunt? It's not a stunt! That book represents years of effort uncovering the truth!"

"See, this is what I mean, sensei, he's gone crazy," Sakura said to Kakashi.

"Crazy? You think I'm crazy, Sakura?" If Naruto hadn't been wearing that strange mask of his, Sakura was sure that it would've been easy to see the hurt and betrayal written on his face. She felt vaguely guilty about this, even though she knew she was right.

"Okay, then," Kakashi was starting to feel a bit unnerved by Naruto's behavior. "Sakura, Sasuke, why don't you two go wait by that tree over there. I need to speak with Naruto."

He stood and waited as they both made their way toward the tree he had pointed out. His one visible eye was trained on his apparently insane student. Naruto fidgeted uncomfortably under his gaze

"Now," Kakashi said, once he was sure they were beyond hearing range. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing happened to me, I just decided that I needed to discover the truth," Naruto answered.

"The truth?" Kakashi's lone eyebrow rose slightly.

"Yeah, the truth about who really runs the world."

Kakashi was silent for a few moments as he digested what Naruto had said, before finally asking, "And who is it that really runs the world?"

"A secret cabal of mystics, immortals, and beings from another world who all gathered centuries ago to take control of the planet. Most people like to pretend that they don't exist, which only aids their success," Naruto explained, glad that someone was finally interested in seeing past the lies.

Kakashi, just stood there, blinking at him. It was the first time in a long while that he'd been so utterly stunned like this. Eventually he composed himself and asked, "So how do you know all this?"

"It's easy, if you know what you're looking for," Naruto replied. "There's probably evidence of it right here in front of us."

Kakashi was, of course, skeptical. "Really? Then why don't you show me?"

"Alright!" Naruto replied enthusiastically, before glancing around the clearing. His eyes scanned the trees, the rocks, even the grass, before finally settling on his own feet. He stared, scrutinizing his feet, his eyes briefly flicking between his own feet and Kakashi's. Finally, he nodded to himself, and then met his sensei's gaze.

"Shoes," he stated.

"Shoes. Your evidence is shoes," Kakashi's tone had gone completely flat.

"Yes. Think about it. Why do we have shoes that cover every part of our feet except for the toes?"

"Well, they're really more like sandals," Kakashi answered.

"But that doesn't make sense!" Naruto was insistent. "We're supposed to be shinobi, soldiers! We should be able to fight anywhere, in any climate. So why do we have shoes that don't even fully protect our feet?"

"Well," Kakashi argued, "they do provide flexibility and mobility."

"Alright, maybe you've got a point there, but then why not give us a choice? Have you ever seen shoes that fully cover a person's foot?"

Kakashi was about to respond when it occurred to him that he hadn't. In fact, every single pair of shoes he'd ever encountered in his life had been of the toeless variety. He was loathe to admit it, but this realization left an unpleasant feeling in his guts.

"See?" Naruto took Kakashi's silence as a sign of agreement. "It doesn't make sense, not unless someone wanted us to go with bare toes."

"Who could possibly care about something like that?" Kakashi retorted.

"Who indeed," Naruto said before reaching down to pull of his shoes.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm not gonna let them control me," Naruto replied. "They've had their leash on me the whole time and I didn't even realize. Clever, clever."

"But that goes against your logic, Naruto," he protested. "Now your feet are going to be even more exposed."

Naruto paused, his shoe halfway off of his foot. He looked up and stared at Kakashi with his blank face, before responding in the fiercest tone Kakashi had heard in years.

"At least I'll be free."

Kakashi just stood there as Naruto finished removing his shoes, and began marching over to his two other teammates. Then, after a few moments, he simply gave a slight shrug. Naruto was completely insane, that much was certain, but really that was no big deal. It was a well-known fact that most, if not all, shinobi harbored a mental illness of some kind. Kakashi would be lying if he said that Naruto was even the tenth craziest person he'd ever seen. As long as Naruto didn't hurt anyone, and kept doing adequately on missions, it was really none of his business.


AN: Well, I'm almost certain that I flubbed The Question's character. In my defense, I was mostly going off of JLU's "Crazy Conspiracy Theorist," version of the character. It's just more fun that way.