Don't Leave
His lips smashing into my lips fast and sweet that made every bone in my body become weak and fragile as his hands clamped to each side of my hips bringing my body closer to his. Every voice screamed at me to stop and pull away. This is wrong. So wrong. But I can't stop. This man is like a bad addiction that I can't seem to shake out of my mind nor body. It's like I go to work to see him (and to make a paycheck of course).
"Did you miss me?" He asked softly before taking his soft lips and lightly brushing them across my neck teasing me right before, he decides to finally kiss my neck fully. My hands slipped up and pulled the left corner of his buttoned up shirt back a little. This allowed me to see a cold necklace that he seemed to kept hidden from sight. I don't know why he would, i think its rather sexy.
"Yes." I whispered softly pulling his face back and allowing my lips to tease his neck this time. His hands began to wonder down to my belt and unbuckled the belt slowly as he did the same with my pants button.
"Can we?" He asked in his needing tone that made me cave every single time. Ugh. I know i screamed to my heart and mind. I just can't let go. This is bigger than me. Which scares me...It's a risk everytime we do this...Losing our jobs kind of risk...Losing the ones we love (well for me).
"Ya." I said as his hands dropped my pants to the floor and his pants did the same. We each ripped off our clothes piece by piece. Until finally clothes were everyone on the living room floor.
His arms picked up my legs bringing me up enough to wrap my legs tight around his waist as my lips smashed right back into his lips. The heat between seemed to only get more and more intense. So much that cool air seemed to be hot. Like the air wasn't on.
Suddenly we were on the move. His legs moved toward the bedroom as we didn't stop kissing not even for a second. Not even for a breath. Nothing else mattered right now in this moment. Only us. Only his touch, his voice, him.
"Are you ready?" He said, but before I could give him answer back, he let me go. My body faling in mid air. Then i fell slowly on the bed opening my eyes back up slowly see his face. All I saw was hunger. Hunger for me. For our Love. Then suddenly he started easing on the bed moving very slowly with a sexy smirk on his gentle face. This is how life should be. Only, for us, all the time. Instead of sneaking around and trying to hide the attraction between us. Espically at work. It's more difficult at work knowing if there was the slightest hint of attraction between us. I could lose my job. period. No second chances. HIm, well they would just demote him. I personally can't afford that.
"What's wrong?"
His face made me look at him instead of the wall that seem to catch whatever attention i had. I don't why i was looking at the wall. It was blank. It was just white plain wall. Honestly I don't know what happened. One second I'm about to make love with a guy that i love and the next I'm staring at a blank white wall. Wondering if this is worth losing my job?
"Nothing. Um...Can we stop? I don't feel good." I said moving him swiftly off me and getting up off the bed. I felt afraid to be naked around him. Afraid of what he might think. I've been haf naked like this. This would have been the first time for me to make love. To wanna be with one person that I love. Somehow, I seemed more scared than happy and ready. I've always set my mind that if I'm going to make love with someone, then it should be with someone that loves me the way that I love them.
"Hey." He said moving over to me slowly making me move back a little more. He stopped in his tracks. The expression on his face was shocked and a little hurt. Almost enough to show me that he honestly cared a 100 percent. Just one thing, he cared only 50 percent.
"Stop. Just please Eric." I said the hurt and pain escaped from my heart and fill the small room. Everything seemed to get dimmer now instead of the bright and loving. What's happening. I wondered to myself trying to figure out what went wrong. Is that he doesn't love me? No he loves me or he wouldn't be here with me. Unless he wants one thing and then hes gone. To be able to bragg that he took my virginity to all his friends as they sit around watching tv and drinking beer or maybe playing poker. It's a possibility. No! Stop! I screamed to myself. This isn't happening.
"Babe, you ok?" Eric asked in a boring tone. Like well If nothing is gonna happen, then I'm just leave. It's like im wasting his time. I'm not wasting his time though, when he's ready to get something from me. Anger filled my body at this point.
"Get out!" I screamed loudly at him and pointed my finger at the door. My face was more serious than I had ever been with this man. I've always been nice and sweet, but now It's time to stand up and see things more clearly. Be more alert. If he's willing to play this game than so am I.
"Fine! I'll call you later when you are in a better mood." He said grabbing his clothes and walking swiftly to the door. His body paused for a second, almost like he was gonna turn around and say something, but he didn't. He turned the knob and walked out. Then I sighed in relief. Relief that he was gone. Also that for now, the nightmare was over.
Before I could get my breathing back on track, a soft knock came on my door. That small knot you get when your about to get in trouble by the teacher or getting pulled over came in my stomach at this point. It's not the first time that I've had this feeling. It's always scarey.
"Bridgette."
A male voice rang out from behind the door. My slow and steady heart beat, began to speed up and the nausea came back in my stomach. Something felt bad in the air. Like I've been caught. I knew this would happen. Nothing stays hidden forever. Nothing. I tried to explain that to dummy, but he thinks he knows it all. Well, I'm sorry to say. He doesn't know anything.
"I know your in there, so open up please." The voice said again in a calm way. Weird i thought to myself as I started my legs over to the door. I stopped in front of the door. What if i open this door and it's my boss? What if it's him coming back wanting to talk? Maybe Daniel saw him coming out my room and is here to give me a long lecture about how this makes me look bad? Well, It's time to find out. I reached for the doorknob, my hand shaking slowly. Dang it, I hate being nervous like this. I gotta find out who's out there. So I finally turned the knob slowly and opened the door.
It was Daniel.
The expression on his face was disappoint and hurt. More of disappoint though. Disappoint that I would let myself sink this low. To resort to having an affiar with someone whos 13 years old than me. I can see his point, It's was wrong. Honestly I didn't even realize that before, I just cared about seeing him.
"Bridgette Please tell me that I didn't see what I just saw." Daniel said in a sad tone and his head to floor. All signs pointed to yes, but he wanted me to say it to him. In a way, he wanted me to lie to him. To tell him It wasn't what it seemed to be. There's was no point in lying.
"It was." I said falling on the bottom edge of the messy bed and my hands coming to face to cover up my shame. Tears seemed to be surfacing on the edge of my eyes and nothing could stop the crying. The painful shame. The hurt feeling I'm feeling of letting myself be the other woman. I'm being played. I realize that, but there's something that keeps me coming back. I'm guessing it's not the stress of having to be around each other all the time. No stress of having to try and make each other happy. It's not a relationship.
Suddenly, I felt Daniel pull me in close to him and hold me, while I just cried softly in his shoulder. What have I done? How did this affair start? I miss the days where I didn't need person to make happy. Only my friends. I don't even see them anymore, it would seem that I cut them off as well. By mistake or so I think.
"You havent been right, since, you and miles broke up." Daniel said sadly as he rocked me back and forth like a small baby. What he just said was true, I haven't. I seemed to wanna distant myself from everyone and everything. No matter who it was. Why? Afraid of getting hurt all over again. That's why. Only, I can't say that to anyone. It's too embrassing. My eyes gently shifted up to Daniel as he moved his away to see me. Finally being able to look him in the eyes now.
"I don't what's wrong with me. I just feel afraid all the time and alone." I said in a soft whisper. I hope he heard me. A few seconds passed, before I heard him his soft whisper as well.
"Your not. Trust me. Stay here and get cleaned up before you go back to work." He said gently moving off the bed and moving toward the front door. His presence made me feel all warm and alive again. Not afraid in a way. Can this be a good thing? My heart hoped for this to be a good thing.
A soft click from the door made my eyes move from the tan carpet back to the front door making a smile appear on my face and the room begining to glow. Soft butterflies began flying around in my stomach. My legs jumped off the bed and I began to get myself together before Daniel came up here to check on me.
