How Do I Love Thee

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer they belong to Joss Whedon.

Rating: K-*Tissue warning*

Authors note: This is a one shot set right after season 3, episode 22: graduation part 2. Let me know what you think. The sonnet is sonnet 43 from 'Sonnets from the
Portuguese' by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.


It had been a long tiring day Buffy thought as she dragged her weary body up the stairs to her bedroom. She wanted nothing more than to let sleep take over her. She felt emotionally drained and was surprised that the tears had not yet fallen.

Wilkins was dead thanks to her plan. She had won the battle yet lost him, her Angel was gone. Would she see him again? Hopefully. Would they ever be together again? Right now it didn't look likely. Her heart felt heavy at that thought.

When she reached her room she collapsed on her bed. She didn't even bother taking off her shoes or jacket. That didn't matter right now, nothing mattered right now. Watching him walk away was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do. And now she could already feel emptiness inside of her.

She turned her head and her eyes landed on the small book lying on her bedside table. It was the book of sonnets that had been given to her by Angel on her eighteenth birthday. She got up, picked up the book and opened it. On the first page was the word forever in Angel's handwriting. Forever ended much sooner than she thought it would. She turned to the page number she had memorised and read her favourite sonnet.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old grief's, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! – And, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

The tears that had been threatening to fall ever since she saw Angel disappear in the smoke finally made their way down her cheeks and splashed onto the page. She held the book close to her chest as she felt her heart swell. A loud sob broke free as more tears cascaded down her face. The same thought keep going through her head; how could he leave her after everything they went through together?

She got up of her bed and made her way to her window. The same window she had snuck out of many times to see him, the same window that he had climbed through to see her, the same window that he had sat outside of and kissed her through when she was grounded. She opened it and let the cool night air sweep over her face then said "Goodbye my Angel."

She stood by it for a little while longer before closing it. The whole time she had been completely unaware that someone had been watching her.

He stood below her bedroom window, hidden in the shadows. When he saw her tears it caused tears of his own to slide down his face. With his vampire hearing he was able to hear her say goodbye to him. More tears escaped. When she closed the window he knew it was time to leave. Before he turned to go he looked up at her window once more and said "Goodbye for now, mo ghrá."